An Unexpected Twist
by MarieP
Summary: The brothers gets a lesson in life that they did not ask for. Will it change their relationship forever? Warning: GIRL!DEAN for part of the story wincest COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Title: An Unexpected Twist

Rating: M+

Pairing: Sam/Dean

Spoilers: General timeline of Supernatural; an appearance by someone from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BTVS)early Season 7 ( I need a demon for the story)---you do not have to be a fan of BTVS to understand the fic- the demon is a very minor part of the story

Warnings: genderswap (girl!dean); wincest

Category: slash; romance/angst

Disclaimers: I do not own the characters of Supernatural or BTVS

AN: I am new to Supernatural fic writing; I have previously written Spike/Angel fic and a few others...I hope I capture the voices well...I live for feedback!

Summary: The brothers gets a lesson in life that they did not ask for. Will it change their relationship forever?

Chapter 1

Sam Winchester reached for the radio of the Impala and switched it off.

"Hey!" Dean said in surprise as he looked over from the driver's seat. "What the hell did you do that for? That was Zeppelin for Christ sakes."

"Tell me again why we are going back to LA? We just left there last night, Dean." Sam huffed. He knew he sounded childlike, but he was tired. They had just destroyed a Plesiom demon and Sam simply wanted to sleep for a few days.

"I know, little brother. But, I really want to go back to that bar."

Sam rolled his eyes and his voice dripped with sarcasm. "And I 'm sure it's not for the drinks."

Dean flashed his million dollar smile. "Of course not." He chuckled. "Did you see how hot that bartender chick was? I could have tapped that beautiful ass if you hadn't dragged me out of there so fast."

Sam sat up straighter. "Oh, I'm sorry that finding out where the demon was put such a crimp in your love life."

Dean became more serious. "Anyway, man. I kind of feel bad...leaving her hanging like that."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Sam turned back towards the window and used his jacket as a makeshift pillow. He knew he would not win this argument with Dean. When it came to girls, Dean had a one track mind. Sam resigned to drop Dean off and try to get a decent motel room outside the city. He hated watching Dean on his conquests to bed women. His brother wanted him to participate as well. But, Sam was not ready to move on from Jess. He felt guilty when he found himself looking at other girls. Dean tried to convince him that it was okay and a natural progression, but it was still so hard. He simply wanted to fight demons, find their father, and spend time with his brother. Despite the circumstances that reunited them, Sam reveled in the fact that he was together with his brother.

For some reason, he was increasingly annoyed when Dean spent time with others, especially women. Sam knew he was being selfish, but his stomach would be in knots as he watched Dean flirting with others. So lately, Sam spent time alone in the motel room, while Dean apparently satisfied his needs.

Dean looked over worriedly at his brother who seemed lost in thought. "Look, Sammy. We don't have a new gig hopefully for a few days. Maybe we could hang in LA. Have a little fun. What do you say?" He grinned.

Sam tried to ignore the warm feeling he got when Dean smiled at him. He could never stay mad for long at his older brother. He spoke quietly, trying to keep emotion from his voice. "Are we still stopping by the bar?"

"Hell, yeah." Dean answered enthusiastically. He paused for a moment when he saw Sam look down. "Is there a reason why I shouldn't?" Dean's eyes softened and narrowed as he observed his little brother.

"No, Dean." Sam's gazed towards the window. "No reason at all."

* * *

"I just really don't get guys, you know?" A blond woman said as she stared into her cocktail as she sat on a barstool. "You think you make a connection..." She trailed off. 

A petite brunette sat opposite to her. "So, what happened?" She asked in a concerned voice.

The blond looked up. "I don't really know you."

"Oh, it's no big." The brunette smiled. "I'm just waiting for my friends to meet up with me and I hate sitting alone." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just trying to make conversation. You seemed sad sitting here all alone." She began to stand.

"Hey!" She gestured for her to sit. "Sorry. I guess I can talk about it. I can't really discuss with the other guys." Her eyes saddened.

"So..." The brunette prompted her.

"I'm so sick of LA. I came here five years ago to be an actress." She chuckled bitterly. "Well, you can see how well that turned out." She shook her head. "Most of the guys here are so superficial. They just want one thing. Especially working in a bar, you tend to meet the slimiest of them all." She paused. "Last night I was talking to this guy." She smiled. "He was beautiful, and seemed really nice. He was kind of cocky, but in a sweet way. He had this vulnerable look in his eyes." She sighed wistfully. "He kept coming up and buying drinks from the bar; he even waited until I got off. We shot some pool and just talked and laughed about nothing in particular."

"What was his name?" The brunette asked.

"Dean." She answered. "I got up to go to the bathroom and when I was walking out, I saw some tall guy run up to him and they left really quickly." Her eyes teared. "He didn't even say goodbye or anything." She placed her hands over her eyes. "I'm so stupid...I fell for it again."

The brunette leaned over and patted her shoulder. "It's not your fault. Men can be such jerks, don't you think?"

The blond nodded her head. "I mean, am I not pretty enough?"

"No, no. You're really pretty and have got very perky breasts."

The blond quirked her eyebrow a bit.

"Hey, sorry. I'm strictly hetero, but I'm just stating a fact." She smiled again. "Men just use women to get what they want. They'll promise you the world and then they'll just leave with no explanation. They don't know how hard it is to be a woman."

"No, they don't." The blond answered, her cheeks flushed with the cocktails she had consumed. "They have no freakin' idea!" She said as her anger and frustration increased.

The brunette smirked evilly as she leaned in. She fondled a pendant that hung around her neck. "Don't you wish..."

"I think I'm swearing off guys for awhile! I'm going to be celibate." Her eyes widened. "Better yet, I'm going to be a lesbian." She nodded definitively.

"I knew a lesbian couple once. Believe me, there is the same heartache. It doesn't matter who you love."

That defeated her attitude a bit. "Well, celibate it is, then."

The brunette felt like she was losing her. "Anyway, back to men...they can be so selfish..."

"I know."

"Don't you wish..."

"You know? I wish he knew how hard it was for us. No matter how far women have come, we still feel like they have to ask us out. That they hold the strings. They have no idea how it feels when men talk to our chests instead of our faces. It's just hard sometimes." Her voice trailed off. She smiled sadly, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "But sometimes, when it feels right, there is nothing better in the world than being with the one you love."

"But he wasn't the one, obviously."

She shook her head slowly, "No, I guess not." She placed her drink down and stood. "I don't want to be rude, my shift is over and I think I'm going to catch a cab and go home. Thanks for listening. I hope your friends show up soon." She extended her hand. "I'm Melanie, by the way. I didn't catch your name."

The brunette smiled happily. "I'm Anya. It was nice talking to you. Take care of yourself."

"You too." Melanie grabbed her jacket and walked out of the bar. Anya touched her pendant and it glowed.

* * *

Dean eagerly walked into the bar and began scanning the room. Sam stood behind him sulking. 

"I still don't understand why I have to be here." Sam said.

"Because," Dean placed his arm around his brother's shoulder for a moment, "You need to have some fun too. Maybe Melanie has a friend."

"Yeah, whatever." Sam replied as he watched Dean walk over to the bar to inquire about the bartender. Dean returned a few minutes later, a frown upon his face.

"Man, I just missed her."

Sam tried to hide the grin that wanted to emerge. "Oh, Dean, sorry about that."

"Yeah, well. Plenty of fish in the sea." Dean tried to cover his disappointment. "So, Sammy, how about a beer?"

Sam smiled. "Maybe just one, then can we go?"

"Sure, bro. Anything for you." Dean smiled widely.

* * *

A few hours later, Dean sat watching the ice melt from his tumbler. He looked up when Sam returned to the table. "Sam, I thought you'd be takin' a leak for a week." He chuckled. "Hey, that rhymed!" He started laughing and wiping tears from his eyes. 

"Jesus, Dean. You drank too much." He helped his brother stand up.

"Did not, Sammy...'m jus' happy, thas' all." He closed his eyes as he allowed himself to lean into the support of his brother.

"Where are the keys, Dean?" Sam asked as he patted the pockets of Dean's jacket.

"Hey, now little bro, watch those hands!" He chuckled again to himself.

Sam found the keys to the Impala and started walking towards the exit. Suddenly they stopped when someone bumped into his intoxicated brother.

Dean opened his eyes to find a petite brunette standing in front of him. "Sorry little lady." Dean said, full of charm.

"I'm sorry too." She said as she smiled widely as her hand unconsciously caressed  
the green jewel around her neck.

Dean's eyes seemed to briefly focus as he looked at the pendant and then up to her. His eyes narrowed for a moment; but, then he shrugged it off.

Sam spoke. "Sorry if we hurt you. We're just in a hurry."

As she walked away, she heard the taller man say, "Come on, Dean, let's get you to the car." Anya walked to the back of the bar and out the exit. She smiled once again as she held her pendant. Her face changed to a demon visage; an evil grin upon her face. "Wish granted." She said and then disappeared.

"Come on Dean, we're almost to the car." He was surprised when Dean stopped and held his head.

"What's wrong, Dean?" Sam asked in a worried tone.

Dean felt woosy and lost his balance for a moment; but, the feeling was fleeting. "Think I drank too much." He spoke with slurred speech.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Sam exclaimed.

"Shut up, butt munch." Dean replied and they both laughed.

As Sam settled his older brother in the car, Dean leaned against the window for support. His eyes were drowsy and he let them close. Before the engine roared to life, Sam heard Dean speak in a quiet voice.

"Love you, Sammy."

Sam was stunned for a moment. "I love you too, Dean."

"Good...jus' wanted you to know...in case you ever leave me...jus' wanted you to know..." Dean trailed off and Sam heard a soft snore.

Sam's eyes watered as he watched his brother. He felt a protective surge within him. "I won't, Dean. I'll never leave you." Sam whispered. He took a deep breath, turned the ignition, and the engine roared to life.

* * *

Dean groaned slightly as he slowly woke up in the late afternoon. His head felt groggy; his hangover overwhelming him. His body fought every movement as he rolled out of bed. He swayed and grabbed the nightstand for support. When he regained his balance, he walked over to the bathroom. His bladder was screaming to be emptied.. Little light was peeking through the mustard yellow curtains, but the intensity seemed too much for Dean's eyes. He squinted as he shakily entered the bathroom. His mouth was dry, so he leaned over and turned the sink on. The cold water was refreshing as it hit his cotton plagued tongue. As he splashed water on his face, he was surprised to not feel the normal stubble he was so accustomed to. In fact, his skin was perfectly smooth. Dean stood up quickly and as he lowered his hands away from his eyes, he was stunned at what he saw. Dean screamed as he stared into his reflection. 

Sam shot up in bed as he heard someone shriek. He stumbled out of the bed and quickly reached for a gun on the bedside table. He scanned the room and his heart began to beat even faster when he did not see Dean. He heard panting from the bathroom and made his way towards the noise. He pushed the door open and was stunned to find a petite woman in front of the mirror.

Sam raised his weapon. "Who are you? Where's my brother?" He said with a menacing tone.

Dean slowly turned around, her hands raised as she saw the weapon. "Sam..." She said with a slight quiver to her voice. "Sammy..."

Realization hit Sam as he stared into the woman's emerald, panic filled eyes. As he looked at her form, he noticed she was wearing his brother's clothes. The t-shirt now clung to her breasts and the boxer shorts hung low on her narrow waist. Sam slowly lowered his weapon. "Dean?" He said quietly in disbelief.

Dean's eyes were wide. "If this is one of your nightmares and you sucked me into it, I will so kick your ass." Dean tried for an angry tone, but failed. She looked again in the mirror and stared at her new body. She was a petite woman with shoulder length sandy blond hair. Dean covered her eyes and rubbed vigorously. "This is a bad dream. Wake up, Dean, wake up!" She shouted in her now high pitched voice as she let her eyes fall open again. Her heart sank in disappointment.

Sam continued to stand there and stare; his mouth hung wide open. Finally, he forced himself to speak. "What happened, Dean? What did you do?"

Dean whirled around, her face full of anger. "What do you mean, WHAT DID I DO? What the fuck, dude? I don't even remember coming back here. Why don't you tell me what happened. I thought I was with you the whole time!"

"You were!" Sam responded as he ran his hands through his sleep tousled locks. "Jesus, Dean." He said as he walked back into the main room.

Dean followed, stomping angrily. "Then how did I wake up with TITS, Sam?" Dean yelled as she grabbed her breasts.

Sam stared with wide eyes again as he found himself reacting to his newly (gorgeous) brother holding her breasts. His face felt flushed, so he quickly looked away. Dean was handsome as a man, and becoming a woman certainly had not changed that. He took a deep breath and tried to focus. "Look, man...er...Dean...I only left you once. I went to the bathroom. We left the bar after that and came back here. I put you to bed myself." Sam's eyes were pleading with her. "You've got to believe me."

Dean sighed as she sat down heavily on the bed. "Then...how the hell did this happen, Sammy?" She doubted herself for a moment. "Did I do anything stupid?"

Sam shook his head. "After you found out that the waitress wasn't there, we took a table and didn't talk to anyone else."

Dean stood up abruptly. "The waitress! Maybe she's a witch or something and got pissed off at me! Maybe she did this."

"Dean, I doubt that."

"Why? Because weird shit doesn't happen all around us? Do you have any better ideas, College Boy?" She walked up to her brother and looked up. The height difference between them was now enormous.

Sam had to force himself not to smile. Although she tried to look menacing, she just didn't have the same effect as the old Dean. She was simply too small and adorable.

"No , I don't." He answered after thinking for some time.

"That's what I thought." Dean said in a serious tone as she walked over to the chair and started to place her jeans on. She growled as she realized how big they were on her. "God damn it!" She exclaimed as she tried to roll the waist over several times. She also folded up the bottoms up as well.

Sam watched for a few moments before speaking. He was trying not to laugh. It took all his strength not burst out giggling. He cleared his throat, "Dean, where are you going?" He covered his mouth as he cleared his throat again.

"Where do you think I'm going?" She grabbed a bag and placed a bottle of holy water in it. "If the bitch is a demon, then I need to know. She needs to turn me back!"

"So, you're going to just walk in there and douse her in holy water?"

Dean gave him his best 'duh' look. "That or say God's name to her. And you don't need to remind me to say his name in LATIN." She added sarcastically remembering the time they fought a demon on an airplane.

"Dean, you can't go out like that." He said as he surveyed her appearance.

"Like what?" She answered oblivious to his implication.

He gestured at her. "Like that. Dean, you look like you're playing dress up or that you're from a homeless shelter. Your clothes don't fit and..." he paused as he looked up for a moment, "and you're not wearing a bra!" His face blushed.

Dean looked down at her white BVD t-shirt now stretched over her ample, but proportionally sized breasts. "It's not like I needed a bra before this, SAM! I'll just put my coat over me." She reached for her worn leather coat. She could probably now wrap it around her three times. She pouted as she realized this. At the same time, she looked up at her younger brother, who was trying with all his might not to laugh. "Don't you dare laugh at me!" She scowled as Sam started howling. He fell on the bed clutching his sides and gasping for breath. "Fuck you, bastard!" She started walking towards the table and tripped. Sam continued laughing until he was almost breathless, writhing on the bed.

"I don't need your help, shithead." She added as she grabbed the keys to the Impala. She grabbed her boots, not convinced that she was going to wear them, and stormed out of the motel room. Sam regained his composure and grabbed a pair of jeans, his coat, and shoes and ran after her.

"Dean! Wait!" He said as he rushed to the passenger side and got into the car beside her.

After catching his breath, he looked at her worriedly. Dean clutched the steering wheel tightly as her jaw clenched. "Look, I'm sorry. Let me help, okay?"

She turned to him with accusing eyes. "Have you gotten all your 'ha ha's' out?" Sam nodded as he started to dress. "Good, now let's go." She said as she started the car. With a quick glance at her brother to make sure he wasn't watching too closely, she reached underneath and adjusted the seat. She didn't give Sam time to comment. She placed the car in drive and tore away.

* * *

Dean sat in the car outside the bar chewing on her fingers. Sam had convinced her to stay in the car while he went inside to confront the waitress. Dean didn't like it, but acquiesced in the end. Her heart beat wildly as she waited for Sam to come out. After about twenty minutes she saw her brother emerge from the bar. She knew the answer right away when she saw the tight look on Sam's face. 

The car door creaked open and Sam sat down heavily. His eyes were full of concern as he peered at his brother. Dean raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow and Sam shook his head. "She's clean. There's no demon in her, Dean." He said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Dean clenched her cheeks and said nothing as she placed the car back into drive. The car ride back to the motel was in an extremely uncomfortable silence. Sam stole glances occasionally at his brother. He worried when he saw no emotion over her face. They reached the motel and Dean got out quickly. She slammed her car door shut and walked to the motel room. After entering their dingy room, she locked herself in the bathroom.

Dean sat on the toilet with her head in her hands. She was trying to stay calm, but all she wanted to do was hit something. She knew Sam was concerned about her, but she could not face him right now. She was embarrassed and humiliated. Although she did not want to admit it, she was worried as well. She lifted her head when she heard a light tap on the door.

"Dean?" Sam's quiet voice carried through the cheap plywood door. "Come on...let me in..."

Dean's eyes watered as she heard the concern in his voice. She did not answer him and instead stripped and turned the shower on.

* * *

Sam stood outside the door, straining to hear any sound from Dean. All he was greeted with was the whoosh of the shower. He sighed and turned around and proceeded to sit on the bed.

* * *

Dean quickly washed up and tried not to be horrified with the changes in her body. She reached out and grabbed a towel. She towel dried her hair as best as she could and then wrapped herself in it. She stood in front of the mirror staring at a complete stranger. She slowly loosened the towel and gazed over her new body. She closed her eyes as she felt her anger building. After a few deep breaths, she reached for the door. Dean opened it slightly and asked Sam, "Can you hand me a t-shirt and boxer's?" Her voice was monotone. When the objects reached her hand, she thanked her brother and closed the door again. When she emerged, she sat down at the edge of her bed. 

Sam glanced nervously at Dean. He wanted to help her and get her to talk, but he did not know how. He shifted as he sat on the bed. Watching Dean sitting there with damp hair and hardened nipples straining against her white t-shirt was making Sammy's jeans tighten. She was a vision. He knew he had to nip this in the bud. He stood and walked over to her.

"Dean..." He hesitated. "Please talk to me." He was taken aback at the pain he saw in her eyes when she looked up at him.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked.

"Anything." He replied.

Dean abruptly got up and paced. "I'm fucking pissed off! Is that what you want to hear?"

"If it helps."

"The one lead I'd thought we had didn't pan out! What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"Well, WE will figure something out, Dean. We always do." He tried to sound reassuring. He paused for a time before continuing. He watched as Dean now stood in front of the window, staring out into the night sky. "We could...I mean it might help...we could try to call Dad."

Dean whipped around; her eyes wide and full of fear. "NO!" She said abruptly as she sprinted over to him. She grabbed his arms as she looked up at her little brother. "Don't call Dad, Sammy...he can't see me like this...please."

Sam nodded his head vigorously as he gently grasped Dean and stepped back from her. She looked so upset that she was practically shaking. "I won't. I promise."

She seemed to calm down with his reassurances. After some time, he watched as she got into her bed. He was amazed as he saw her tiny body get underneath the sheets. Sam was felt an overwhelming need to climb into bed with her and hold her. But, he knew Dean would not allow that. Instead, Sam proceeded to his own bed. He lay staring at the ceiling for a while before he spoke again. "You know, Dean. It's okay to be a little scared."

She rolled over to face him. "I'm not scared, dude."

"Maybe not. But it's okay if you are."

"I'm not!"

"Okay! Okay! You're not." Sam huffed and took a deep breath. "We'll get through this, Dean. I promise you."

Dean didn't answer right away. "Yeah, I hope so." She tried to sound sarcastic, but there was a hint of hope in her voice. She closed her eyes to will herself to sleep.

Sam lay watching her. He waited until she fell asleep. Once he saw the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, Sam knew it was safe for him to go to sleep.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Sam rolled over in bed the next morning. He noticed a still female Dean resting serenely. Her features looked so innocent in her relaxed state. He closed his eyes in shame as he felt his morning erection increase. He groaned lightly as he tried to will it away.

Dean heard a noise from Sam's bed. Her eyes fluttered open. She smirked. "Do you need some alone time? Because, I can leave you know..."

Sam sat up. "Shut up, Dean." His eyes softened as he continued to look at her. "So, I guess..."

Dean interrupted and she climbed out of bed. "Yeah. Still missing my Y chromosome." She said sarcastically.

"I thought you'd be more upset."

"What? You want me to cry and get all weepy?" She shook her head. "No, we're gonna find this son of a bitch who did this to me and we'll reverse it."

"Well, at least you're being optimistic." Sam answered. "It's helpful to keep up a good attitude."

Dean scowled at her brother. "Don't spout off that new age bullshit to me, Sam. I doubt you would be so calm if you lost your dick." She snickered when she saw Sam roll his eyes. "I've got to take a leak."

"How ladylike of you." Sam replied as he turned the TV on. After a few minutes, he spoke. "We should probably go get you some clothes today."

"Huh?" Dean shouted from the bathroom.

"We should get you some clothes!" He raised his voice as Dean exited the bathroom.

"Yeah, whatever." She answered.

"What's wrong with you?" Sam asked when he noticed Dean looked funny.

"Having to pee sitting down is just...wierd." She said as she started to place her clothes on. "If we're going to have to do this, let's go."

"Whatever you say, Ma'am." Sam grinned as he reached for his shirt.

"Bite me." Dean responded.

* * *

Los Angeles had many shops, but Sam thought it would be most logical to go to the local mall. As they stood on the first floor, Dean felt overwhelmed at the task at hand.

"So," Sam broke the awkward silence. "where do you want to start?"

"How the fuck do I know, Sam?" She looked around at the various women's stores. "I don't want any frilly chick shit, that's for sure." He paused. "How about 'The Gap'? That's safe. They sell jeans." Sam nodded as the two referred to the directory and began to walk to their destination silently. Dean wanted to scream at the injustice of having to buy women's clothing, but she kept her mouth shut.

They walked into the store and stood side by side in front of the jeans. Dean perused the selections: boot cut, low rider, low waist...she suddenly felt nauseated. She turned to Sam, "Which one do I get?" Sam shrugged.

"What size are you?" Her younger brother replied.

"How the hell do I know?" Dean felt like she was about to blow.

"Can I help you?" A young, good looking sales clerk asked.

Sam smiled. "Yeah, uh, my sister lost her luggage and she needs some new clothes." He paused as he watched the sales clerk look distastefully at Dean's attire.

"Well," she spoke in a snobby tone, "what size is she?"

"Hello? SHE is right here." Dean eyes narrowed. She knows she shouldn't hit a girl, but this chick was begging for it. The girl raised her eyebrow. Dean cleared her throat. "I don't know what size I am, really. I just lost a lot of weight." She nervously smiled.

"Okay." The girl answered in a confused tone. "Let me get a tape measure." She excused herself.

Sam yelped when he felt Dean's arm jab into his ribs. "Real smooth, Sammy."

He chuckled. "Me? How about you." His voice rose to a falsetto. "_I just lost a lot of weight._" He started laughing.

"Blow me." Dean rolled her eyes.

"Actually, I can't!" Sam continued to laugh.

"Shut up!" Dean tried to hush him as the girl returned. She quickly measured Dean.

"I would try on anything in a size 4. Your shirt size is extra small or small." She plastered a fake smile on. "Let me know if I can help." She walked away.

"Wow, Dean. You're little. Maybe we should take you to the 'Baby Gap'." He grinned when he saw her glare at him. "I know. I know. Bite me."

* * *

After an hour of torture at 'The Gap', and thirty minutes at 'Timberland' to pick out a pair of boots, Sam convinced Dean that she needed undergarments. Dean wanted to continue to wear boxers, but Sam dragged her to 'Victoria's Secret'. He left her in capable hands of a sales woman and proceeded to wait outside on a bench. He tried to steer in his thoughts away from how Dean would look in a teddy.

Dean stood in front of the mirror in the dressing room. She now had a bra and panties on. She shifted uncomfortably. It felt very restrictive. She put on a white fitted t-shirt and a pair of low waisted jeans. Her toned belly peeked slightly under the t-shirt. She cupped her breasts for a moment and then stood tall (for someone who was maybe 5 ft 2 on a good day.) She was horrified to admit to herself that she looked good. "I would hit on myself." She muttered. She took a deep breath. They had to figure out who mojoed her. She could not stay like this forever. She grabbed her bags and proceeded to the checkout area.

Sam was sipping on an iced coffee, when he saw Dean emerge from the store. He choked when he saw her walking towards him. She looked incredible.

"You okay, man?" Dean said as he saw Sam coughing uncontrollably.

"Yeah..." Sam wheezed as he tried to regain his breath.

"Alright, now that I'm all clothed up, I'm starving." She quirked her eyebrow as she saw Sam looking at her in a funny way. "Are you sure you're okay?" Her voice was full of worry.

"I am." Sam said. "We could go to the Food Court."

"Are you kidding? We're not in high school, Sammy. Let's find a good bar. Maybe we could shoot some pool."

"Whatever you say, Ma'am." Sam grinned.

"You better believe it." Dean answered as she shoved her bags in Sam's hands. "Might as well take advantage while I can, right?" She shook her eyebrows and smiled .

* * *

The two drove deeper into downtown LA and found a bar that suited their tastes. They grabbed the first table they saw and waited for some service. It was late afternoon and the happy hour crowd was just starting to trickle in. Sam looked around the bar and scowled when he saw a few men eyeing his brother; or, should now call her his sister? Dean seemed oblivious as she perused her menu.

She looked up when she heard Sam slightly growl. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." Sam answered abruptly as he turned his focus to his menu.

"Can I take your order?" A tall, brunette waiter asked. He smiled as he glanced at Dean.

"Yeah...Rob." She answered with a nod as she glanced at his name tag. "I'll take the ½ pound burger, medium, with the works, large fries, and a Heineken."

Sam thought the waiter was staring too long at Dean's chest and he cleared his throat.

"And for you?" Rob asked reluctantly as he turned away from Dean.

Sam frowned and shoved the menu in his direction. "The same." He waited for the waiter to walk away before addressing Dean. "Do you flirt with everyone you see?" His voice was filled with disgust. He was trying to mask his jealousy.

"What?" Dean asked with innocent eyes. "The nicer you are to people like that, the better service you get." She smirked. "Plus, he was checking out my tits." Dean looked down as she cupped her chest. "And by the way, they are pretty choice if I might add. Anyway, maybe I can get some free drinks later. I always fell for it."

Sam ducked his head. "Will you not grab your chest in public?"

"God, what crawled up your ass today?"

"Oh, I don't know...my older brother is now my sister for starters! You seem to be fine with it today!"

Dean's jaw clenched. She lowered her voice as she leaned in. "I'm NOT fine with it. But, I told you. I'm not going to get all Lifetime movie of the week over it. We'll deal with it and reverse it."

Sam sighed and nodded his head. The waiter returned with the beers and some water. After he was out of hearing distance, Sam spoke. "The waitress wasn't a demon. I used the EMF detector in the bar and outside it. There was no paranormal activity in that bar. I didn't drink more than two beers that night. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Do you remember anything, Dean?"

She shook her head sadly. "I don't remember much from when I got there and when I woke up. You think someone slipped me something?"

"No. You drank a crapload, that's all." He stopped to sip his beer.

Dean grabbed her ice cold beer and smiled. She took a big gulp and grimaced. "Holy crap! This tastes like shit!" She grabbed her glass of water to wash the bitterness off her tongue. She looked at her brother. "Maybe I got a bad one."

Sam leaned over to try hers. He took a small sip. "No, man. There's nothing wrong with it." He paused. "Maybe your taste buds have changed."

Dean had a pained look on her face. "Are you kidding me? This sucks! Now I'm going to have to drink light beer?"

"Maybe, some girls still like beer. Jess couldn't stand them. She liked fruity drinks with rum or vodka."

Dean saw a look of sadness envelope Sam. She reached over and placed her tiny hand on her brother's. They did not exchange any words. Sam simply looked up at Dean and smiled. His eyes reflected his thanks.

* * *

They sat in a comfortable silence until their food arrived. Dean tore into her food and after consuming half if it, she leaned back and groaned.

"I can't eat another bite." She said as she wiped her mouth and sipped at her third cranberry juice and vodka cocktail that Sam had ordered for her. She tried to protest that she did not drink such 'chick' drinks, but had taken to the taste quite easily.

"Maybe we should have ordered from the kiddie menu." Sam replied nonchalantly and then laughed quietly.

"Eat me, Winchester." She growled back.

Sam felt his cheeks flush as the image of him ravishing his sister flooded through his brain. He quickly ducked his head and shoved some more fries into his mouth. He looked up with a mouthful of food when the waiter returned.

"Anything else you need?" Sam shook his head and the waiter left the check. They paid cash and stood to leave.

"Hey." Dean said before they reached the door. "I want to play some pool."

"No." Sam said as he continued to walk.

"What do you mean no?" She said in a surprised tone.

"You're not going to hustle."

"Who said I was going to hustle?" She placed her hands on her hips and looked up at her brother. "And if I DID want to, you can't stop me."

"Actually, I can. I'm bigger than you." Sam responded.

"What the hell?"

Sam grabbed her gently and pulled her away from the door. "Hustling is dangerous enough, Dean. But I'm sorry. In your new..." he looked up to search for the right word, "condition...it would be too risky."

Dean wanted to be insulted at him calling her problem a condition, but she felt her heart melt for a moment. Sam was concerned about her. It was kind of sweet. But, of course she couldn't let it slide. "Ah, Sammy. You're worried about lil' ol' me. It's touching...really." She said with a big smile.

"Whatever." Sam felt himself blush as he tried to play it down.

"Can't just you and I shoot together? Please?" She said with large puppy eyes. She knew how to play her brother.

"Fine." He relented as they walked over to the pool table area.

"I've got to pee." Dean told him when they chose their table. "Can you rack 'em up?"

"Sure." Sam answered as he chose two pool cues.

Dean arrived to the girls bathroom and rolled her eyes and cursed under her breath when she saw the line was six deep. 'How do chicks do it?' She thought to herself as she bounced up and down to try to control the urge to pee. She sighed in relief, when her turn finally arrived. As she walked out of the stall, she watched as five or six women primped in front of the mirror as they discussed the hot guys they had met. It was curious seeing how the other half lived. She sidled her way through the cluster to get to the sink so she could wash her hands. She leaned up after she wiped her hands and saw her reflection in the mirror. The sight was still a shock to her. She took a deep breath and walked out to rejoin Sam.

There was a large crowd of people at the bar now. Dean realized in that moment how height challenged she now was. She could not see above the crowd any longer. She slowly made her way through hordes of people. She saw the edges of the pool tables. Suddenly she stopped when someone bumped into her. She squealed when she felt cool liquid drop onto her shirt.

"Oh, shit! Sorry!" A tall, dark haired guy said as he started laughing with his friends.

She tried to wipe the moisture off with her hand. "Whatever, dude." She mumbled as she tried to push past them.

"Hold on a minute..." He said with a slurred voice as he grasped her arm tightly.

"You're hurting me." Dean said as she tried to wrench her appendage back from the drunken frat boy. "Let go of me!"

"I just wanna talk to ya. Let me buy you a drink." He said as he began to drag them over to the bar.

Dean felt panic course through her; but she reacted quickly. "I said let go of me, you bastard!" She said as she kneed him in the crotch. He let go of her as he howled in pain. She dashed away to find Sam.

She let out a sigh of relief when she saw him standing by the table, scanning the room. He was obviously looking for her. Sam was about to jump down Dean's throat, but something in her eyes told him not to.

"Are you okay?"

Dean looked down and nodded her head.

Sam became more worried as she did not speak.

"Did something happen?"

Dean looked up into Sam's eyes. "Can we go?"

"I thought you wanted to play a some pool."

Her eyes watered and her voice choked with emotion. "Please, Sammy?" Dean did not want to fall apart here. She was feeling weak and vulnerable. She just wanted to go back to the safety of their motel room.

Sam's heart constricted as he looked at her. He scanned the room trying to figure out what upset Dean so much. He did not want to prod there, so he nodded his head. They walked towards the exit and Sam held the door open for Dean so she could go through first. He was surprised when Dean did not argue or complain that Sam held that door and her car door open for her. She seemed lost in her thoughts. When they arrived back at the motel, she sat at the edge of the bed. She grabbed the remote and flipped the TV on.

Dean seemed surprised when the TV suddenly shut off.

"What did you do that for?" She asked in an annoyed tone.

"What happened back there?" Sam asked in a gentle voice.

"I just didn't want to play, that's all."

"You're lying, Dean. Something freaked you out. Did someone or something hurt you?"

"No." She said quietly as she looked down.

"I don't believe you." He responded as his eyes narrowed.

"Leave it alone, Sammy." Her voice rose. "There's nothing to say." She got up and grabbed her night clothes from the drawer and went towards the bathroom. Before she reached the door, Sam gently grabbed her right arm.

"Ow!" She exclaimed as he touched her arm.

"What happened to you?" Sam let her go as he inspected her arm. He gasped when he saw bruising on it. "Who did this?" His face tightened and began to redden in anger. He repeated his question when she did not answer. "Dean? Tell me, please." He pleaded.

"When I was leaving the bathroom, some drunk guy spilled his drink on me and grabbed me. He wanted to buy me a drink and I told him no and I kicked him."

Anger boiled inside Sam. "Why didn't you point him out to me?"

"Why?" Dean shouted at Sam. "Because I took care of it!"

"Why are you getting upset at me?"

"Because!" She threw her hands up. "I was scared! I was scared of some dumb ass jock frat boy because he was so much bigger than me! A few days ago , I could wipe the floor with him and now I can't! Do you know how that feels? Do you?" She stopped for a moment to will her tears away. "If we can't reverse this, how can I fight? How can I hunt?" Her eyes showed real fear and Sam was not sure if he could reassure her.

Dean panted as she tried to get a rein on her emotions. She sat down heavily on the bed. "What are we going to do, Sammy?"

Sam sat down next to her surprised at the question. Never in his life had he seen Dean so unsure of what lied ahead. This was new territory for them both. He looked at her and although unsure of the potential reaction, he slowly placed his arm around Dean. At first he expected her to fling his arm off, but he relaxed when he felt her melting into his embrace.

"We'll figure it all out, Dean. I swear to you." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of her against him.

After about ten minutes, Dean stood. She smiled sadly at her brother and went into the bathroom to shower.

* * *

Sam sat for a time, pondering their next move. They needed to research what entities had gender changing properties. Tomorrow, they would go to the local library and see if they could find any texts on the occult and mythology. Satisfied with the plan, he stood to grab the TV remote. He heard a phone ring. He realized it was Dean's. He looked at the caller id, but did not recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Dean. It's Bobby."

"Actually, Bobby, it's Sam."

"Oh, Sam. I dialed Dean's cell, right?"

"Yeah, Dean's in the shower."

"Good, listen. Where are you guys?"

"LA."

"Great. A friend of mine called and thinks he has a poltergeist in his home. I've known him for a long time, but he's not a hunter. He knows there are supernatural forces out there, but not how to fight them."

"Where is he?"

"In Mason, California. It's six hours north of LA." He paused when Sam did not respond further. "Can you boys handle it?

"Uh...yeah...no problem." Sam stuttered.

"You okay, Sammy?"

"Yeah, Bobby. I mean...uh...Dean been a little under the weather, but it's nothing we can't handle."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. What's the guy's name and address?" He rushed to find a pen and paper. "Okay. I'm ready."

"It's Steven Foster. He lives on 11233 Canyon Road. You take care of yourselves, boys."

"We always do, Bobby. Thanks." Sam closed Dean's phone. He sat on the bed and looked worriedly at the bathroom door.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 4

This is the last chapter before the true angst begins. I am a fan of hurt!dean and believe me, it's coming...

Sam and Dean left early the next day for Mason, California. The only sound in the car was the loud hum of the Impala. Sam glanced over at Dean from the passenger seat. After informing his brother of their latest gig, Dean had been quiet. Sam took a deep breath.

"You know, Dean. If you want to talk about it..." He trailed off when Dean turned to him with an annoyed look on her face.

"Talk about what?" She said curtly.

"You know...the ghost...hunting..." Sam hesitated.

"Forget I said anything. There's nothing to worry about. We'll get there and kick its ass." Dean continued to stare at the road, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. She was worried how well she could hunt, but did not want Sam to know the extent. Her fear from what happened at the bar last night, made her say too much to her brother. She closed her eyes briefly at the weakness she showed. 'It won't happen again,' she thought as she continued towards their gig.

Sam turned his eyes back to the road as he mumbled something under his breath.

"What did you say?" Dean asked in an angry tone.

"I said," Sam replied with a tightness in his voice, "fine, if that's how you want to play it."

"Play what?"

"You shared too much yesterday, so now you're going to act like nothing happened. It's so typical of you." Sam chuckled bitterly as he shook his head.

"Whatever, dude." Dean said, effectively ending that part of the conversation. She looked to a road sign. "Canyon Road." She said as she turned the car and began traveling a one lane road.

The Winchesters were struck by the beauty of the vast land in front of them. The fields were lined with grassy hills and as they reached closer to their destination, they realized they were in a vineyard. After a few more miles, they saw a row of three large trailers and some construction materials. They decided to stop.

The car doors creaked open as they stepped out. The two stretched their legs after the six hour trip. Sam gestured with his eyes to the first trailer in front of them. They arrived at the door and knocked.

"Hello?" Sam said as he tried to peak through a window. Suddenly a door opened. A tan, handsome middle aged man appeared and stepped down from the trailer.

"You must be Sam and Dean." He began kindly as he reached his hand out. "I'm Stephen Foster."

"Hello. I'm Sam." The younger Winchester answered as they shook hands.

"Hi." Dean replied as she reached her petite hand out.

"Thank you for coming so soon. You both came highly recommended by Bobby."

Sam looked around for a moment. "So, Mr. Foster..."

"No, please call me Steven."

"Sure...um...Steven, Bobby told us that you needed help."

He nodded his head as he began to walk.

"Your land is beautiful." Dean commented.

"It's been my dream to own a vineyard." He looked around at the fields with pride in his eyes.

"Where were you before?" Sam asked.

"Silicon Valley. I had enough of the tech rat race. I was blessed to have been compensated generously. But, I wanted to change gears in life. I wanted my family to get away from big city living." He paused. "So, I bought this property three years ago and started making wine. I only moved the family here a few months ago when I decided to come for good. Follow me, I can let you meet them." He walked up to the third trailer. "Honey, we have visitors."

The trailer door opened and a statuesque brunette woman stepped down. She had to step to the side when two children ran around her. "Daddy!" The smaller child yelled. She ran up to her father and jumped into his arms. The older child, a boy, trailed behind her.

"Hey, pumpkin!" Steven said as he embraced his little girl. "Can you say hello?"

"Hi." She said almost shyly as a light brown ringlet fell into her face.

"This is Morgan. She's six." Then he turned to his son. "This is Jason. He's eight. And this is my wife Audrey. Kids, this is Sam." He gestured towards the younger Winchester. "And this is Dean."

"Dean?" Morgan said as her father let her down. "That's a boy's name!" Dean's eyes widened for a moment and then she chuckled.

"Morgan! Nice to meet you. Sorry about that." Audrey apologized as she shook their hands. "Our little Morgan loves to talk.

"That's okay." Dean said as she leaned down to the little girl's level. "It is kind of a boy's name." She playfully whispered to her.

"Are you two hungry? We have plenty of food for breakfast." Audrey asked.

Dean smiled. "Oh, we already ate."

"Nonsense! If you are going to help us, then you need to have full bellies. Please follow me."

Sam and Dean exchanged a look and followed the family inside. It was essentially a double wide and had all the amenities of a small home. Audrey quickly set the table and they all sat down to eat. The little girl turned her big blue eyes towards Dean and smiled. "You're pretty." She said in a sweet voice.

Dean laughed in an embarrassed manner. "Uh, thanks." She answered and then turned her attention back to the eggs, bacon, and biscuits in front of her.

They ate breakfast quickly and helped clear the table. Audrey insisted that they did not need to do that.

"We appreciate the breakfast." Dean said. "It's been awhile since we've had a home cooked meal like that. Thank you." Sam nodded in agreement.

"Well," Audrey responded. "I'm from the Midwest and we like to have a hearty meal in the morning."

"Where from?" Sam asked.

"Missouri."

"Oh." Sam replied. "We're from Kansas. It's nice to meet someone from our neck of the woods."

Steven walked up to Sam and Dean. "Why don't we go talk." He nodded to his wife and led the two out. The three walked towards an ATV after Sam quickly grabbed his bag. "I am going to take us to the main house." They climbed on and Steven turned on the engine. He grabbed the handlebars and began the journey. Sam and Dean marveled at the scenery as the ride continued. After a few miles, a large mansion came into view over the horizon. It was a much older home, probably around a hundred years old; the structure was not in good condition. There were numerous machinery surrounding the house. The ATV stopped and Steven turned off the engine.

"So, this is the main house where we are going to live. The house, as you can see needs a lot of work. At first I toyed with tearing it down completely, but Audrey and I love the old architecture. We are going to rehab it and add on." He sighed. "As my men started working on it, strange things would happen. They heard noises and the machinery seemed to turn on and off by itself. Their lights would flicker. A few of them were so freaked, that they actually quit. One person said they saw a ghost. He's a real religious guy, so I thought he was possibly imagining something. But one night, I came up here and I swear I saw something." He paused. "That's when I called Bobby."

"Do you know the history of the house?" Dean asked.

Steven shook his head. "All I know that there has been only one owner. And he has been dead for many years."

"Do you know a name?" Sam asked.

"Richard Boyer."

"Do you know how he died?" Dean inquired.

"No." Steven answered.

"Well," Dean continued. "We'll look around and see what we can find." Dean nodded to Sam and he opened their bag. Sam grabbed the EMF detector and handed it to Dean.

The large wooden 15 ft doors creaked open. Dust and cobwebs were everywhere. They walked onto the marble floor and gazed around. The house was very large. Dean turned on the detector and it immediately lit up.

"Dude, there's a definite ghost presence here."

"Yeah." Sam said as he cautiously raised a gun as he looked around the place. "And sulphur too." He said as he inhaled deeply. He stopped and turned to Dean. "Why don't we go back and find out about this Boyer guy, and return tonight."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Let's go." Dean replied as the two exited the mansion. Steven stood eagerly awaiting them.

"There's something supernatural happening." Sam reported. "We just need to find out a few things and then we'll come back tonight." The three walked back to their vehicle.

* * *

Sam and Dean sat in the Mason, California public library looking through the microfiche files. After about an hour, they found a newspaper article.

"Dean, check this out." He pointed to the screen. "Richard Boyer, multimillionaire, circa 1928." He paused as he kept reading. "He made his money originally in gold and then wine."

"What else?" Dean asked impatiently.

"Hold on!" Sam snapped. "When the market crashed, he lost everything. And a drought hit the area as well and he lost his vineyards. According to the authorities, he went crazy when they were going to foreclose on his land. He refused to leave. He murdered six of his field workers and his family. Then he shot himself." Sam sat back heavily. "Jesus."

"So," Dean interjected, "he's a sick bastard who doesn't want to give up his house."

"And if the Fosters are starting to renovate the house..."

"It must have awakened his spirit and he's pretty pissed off." She added with a smirk. "Does it say where they buried 'ol Boyer's bones?"

"No."

"Let's just hope he's somewhere on the Foster property." She slapped her hands together. "Okay, easy enough. We'll go back tonight and see if we can find a family plot or something."

"Alright." Sam answered as they gathered their things together.

* * *

After Audrey insisted on giving them a proper dinner, Sam and Dean prepared their weapons. Steven stood watching. Sam walked up to him. "Are you sure you don't want to take the family to town for tonight, Steven?"

"And leave you two kids alone up here?" He answered in warm tone.

"Actually, Steven, I'm twenty six." Dean responded.

"Really?" He replied. "I thought you were eighteen or nineteen." Dean scowled when she heard Sam chuckle behind her.

"We appreciate the concern." Dean continued. "But we've been hunting for a long time."

"Even though, we'll be okay in our trailer."

Sam picked up a gun and made sure it was loaded. He handed it to Steven. "If you see a spirit, shoot it with this."

"What is it?"

"It is loaded with rock salt. It stuns the ghost for a time."

"And then?"

Dean answered. "We basically need to find the bones and burn them. Is there a family plot behind the house?"

"I'm not sure."

"Okay then." Sam said as he zipped the bag up. "Ready?"

Dean nodded. Suddenly she felt a knot in her stomach. She was nervous to face her first hunt in her new body.

Steven handed them the keys to the ATV. Sam turned it on and the lights as well. Dean sat down and the two began the journey to the main house. The sun was setting as they arrived at their destination. They each grabbed a gun and walked behind the house. They looked into the vast back fields and did not see any other buildings. They turned around and went through the main entrance. "Let's see what we're dealing with." Sam said as he turned the flashlight on.

Dean followed Sam as they shone the light and slowly walked throughout the house. The property was fully furnished and still had paintings on the wall. Dean's light tilted up and they gazed upon a very large painting in the great hall. She brushed the cobwebs aside. The plaque on the bottom read 'Boyer Family 1925'. It showed the eldest Boyer, his wife, and seven children. Suddenly Dean and Sam felt a breeze around them. They looked up and saw a male figure in white floating down the main staircase. It held a machete in its hand.

"Get oooooout...mine..." It said in an eerie voice. It suddenly sped up and was going towards Sam. Before he could move, Sam was knocked across the room and hit a bookcase.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled as she saw her brother lying motionless. "You stupid son of a bitch!" She yelled as the ghost turned it's attention towards her. She was able to move slightly but was still knocked backwards and she hit a sharp object against a wall. She felt it pierce her skin above her right shoulder blade. For a moment she felt the wind knocked out of her. She struggled to sit up. Her eyes became wide with panic as he saw the ghost raise its weapon above an unconscious Sam.

"No!" She yelled as she hurried towards them. She aimed the gun and shot. The ghost bellowed as the rock salt penetrated its non-corporeal shadow. Dean screamed in pain as the kickback from the gun hit against her right breast. She quickly limped over to Sam and shook him.

"Sam...come on...wake up. We don't have a lot of time." She grasped his shoulders.

"Uh!" Sam yelled as he returned to a conscious state. He grabbed his head as he sat up. "What happened?"

"I shot it. We need to see if we can find some bones."

Sam shook his head to clear his mind. "Let's check out back." They got back on the ATV and drove behind the house. Their search was difficult because it was dark. There were few stars in the sky to help light the way. After some time, they saw a structure. As they came closer, it appeared to be a mausoleum. The name Boyer was on it. The door was rusted, but eventually Sam jarred it open. There were plaques denoting every member of the family. They found Richard's tomb and gathered the bones. They took it outside. Sam dug a shallow grave. Dean poured gasoline and dropped a match. When assured that the bones were ash, they headed back to the house. They scanned the entire structure, but did not detect any further supernatural activity. The two returned to the trailers.

* * *

Steven sat outside the trailer with a small campfire burning. When Sam and Dean informed them of what happened, he hugged them. He insisted on the two staying the night. They tried to protest, but Steven felt it was the least they could do. He directed them to the middle trailer.

* * *

Dean stood in the shower. She winced as the water hit the wound on her back. She looked down to see a small area of bruising above her right breast. She slowly wiped herself off as the tiniest movement of her right arm caused pain to shoot through it. She placed a t-shirt and boxer's on and went to join Sam.

Sam looked up as Dean exited the bathroom. He immediately averted his eyes when he found his penis stirring at the sight of her. He cleared his throat. "You okay?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah." Dean answered. "You? How's your head?"

Sam touched the side of his head that had a small bruise. "I'll live. Man, that ghost packed a punch."

"Tell me about it." She agreed as she went to sit on her bed. She looked around the spacious trailer. "This is nicer than most of the flea bag motels we stay in." She laughed lightly.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Maybe we could ditch the Impala and just drive this double wide everywhere." He smirked.

"Watch your mouth, boy." Dean smirked back. She turned slightly and her breath caught a bit.

Sam stood and walked over to her. He looked concerned. "Dean, you're bleeding." He said as he noticed a spot of red on the back of her white t-shirt.

Dean tried to look back at her shoulder. "It's no big deal. The bastard pushed me and I think I hit something against a wall."

"Let me see it." Sam said as he walked to the bag and retrieved the first aid kit. He returned to her side. "Lift your shirt up."

"Um...no." Dean answered as she felt herself blush and she wasn't sure why.

"Come on, Dean. I need to see if it's getting infected."

"It's fine."

"Just do it already! What's your problem? We do this all the time."

Dean felt herself blush again. She reached behind her and lifted the back of her shirt.

"Dean, the t-shirt is too tight. Just take it off."

She hesitated, but eventually complied. Dean found herself feeling very self-conscious and covered her front with her towel.

Sam felt a flush to his face as he sat behind his brother. He lightly pressed some gauze on the wound to soak the blood. He placed some hydrogen peroxide on it and gently cleansed the wound. Dean arched her back and hissed slightly as she felt the cold liquid penetrate the wound. As Sam carefully put antibiotic cream on the damaged area, Dean's eyes fluttered closed at the soft touch of her brother's fingertips against her warm skin.

Sam felt his cock stirring to life as he touched her. He sat back and had to will himself to find his voice. "I'm done." He stood quickly. "I'm going to take my shower." He practically sprinted to the bathroom. As he stood in the shower, he looked down at his fully erect penis. He tried initially to ignore it, the implications of what aroused him was still so confusing. After a time, though, the power of thinking was not helping. He grasped his rock hard penis and began to stroke. Images of Dean flooded his mind, and he found himself coming in no time. His orgasm was as powerful as he ever had. He found himself leaning against the porcelain as he felt weak in the knees. He finished showering and made his way to his bed. It appeared Dean was asleep. As he lay watching her, Dean's eyes opened. Sam smiled at her.

"You did good tonight, Dean. See, I told you there was nothing to worry about." He said softly.

"I did, didn't I? Saved your ass." She grinned. "Wasn't really a hard gig." She reached up and touched her right breast. "Man, I never realized the gun kicks back so much, though. Believe me, I'll never doubt a chick again when they say that getting hit in the boobs hurts." They both laughed.

"Get some sleep." Sam said as he yawned.

"You too, Sammy." Dean answered drowsily as they drifted to sleep.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

Spoilers: themes from 'Shadow'

Warning: Masturbation: girl!dean discovers herself and a few other things; and the angst begins...

Chapter 5a here:

Dean glanced at her now oversized watch. 'Why did her wrists have to be so damn small'? She kept asking herself. The time read 6:30 pm. She and Sam had stayed longer than they expected at the Foster vineyard today. The family coerced them into enjoying the day with them and the kids. Although Dean would not admit it out loud, it felt good to do nothing but relax in the Northern California sun. Dean slammed the trunk closed after loading their things. She had already said goodbye to Audrey and the kids, she was now waiting for Sam. She saw her brother over by the trailers talking to Steven. He was handing a paper to Sam, who seemed to be shaking his head and then reluctantly took the object. The two shook hands and Sam began walking back to the car. Dean waved at Steven and got into the driver's seat. Soon, Sam joined her and Dean put the car into drive.

After a few minutes of driving, Sam broke the silence. "So, we start researching your 'problem' when we get back to LA. Right?"

"You better believe it." Dean answered. "The sooner I can get my boy parts back the better."

Sam smirked as he looked at his brother. "I don't know, Dean, you seemed pretty comfortable playing dolls with Morgan." He chuckled.

"Shut the hell up, man!" Dean's face flushed in embarrassment. "What what I supposed to do? I'm a sucker for a whining chick with big, beautiful eyes."

"You loved it. Admit it." Sam egged her on.

"I swear, I can still kick your ass."

"I'd like to see you try." Sam retorted.

Dean mumbled "Whatever." She decided to change the subject. "By the way, What did Steven give you?"

Sam took a deep breath and when he turned to Dean, he was grinning. "You won't believe me if I tell you." The younger Winchester answered in a giddy tone.

"What's the matter with you?" Dean asked, a little suspicious of his behavior. "Did you get too much sun today?"

"No." Sam rolled his eye. "Get this. He paid us."

"What?" Dean nearly choked out. "Are you shittin' me?" They both nearly giggled as Sam nodded his head. "How much?"

"Again, you won't believe me."

"Dude, how much?" Dean reached over to try to grab the envelope.

"Watch the road, Dean! Okay, okay, I'll tell you." He paused and Dean's now beautifully manicured eyebrow raised as she awaited an answer. "Ten thousand dollars."

"WHAT?" Dean slammed the brakes as she turned the car onto the shoulder. "Ten grand?" She grabbed the envelope and thumbed through the money.

"I know. I told him he didn't need to pay us at all." He ducked when Dean swatted his head. In her now female form, fortunately, it didn't hold the sting it usually did.

"You're such a fucking boy scout, Sam. Of course, he can pay us if he wants...but TEN GRAND?" She sat back in shock.

"He figured that the life we lead doesn't pay well and that getting rid of the ghost saved his family and his future business. He said what we did for them was priceless and this was the least he could do." Sam shrugged his broad shoulders.

"Well, hot damn, Sammy." Dean smiled widely. "What do you think we should do?"

Sam thought for a moment. "I don't want to blow all the money or anything. But, do you think we could stay somewhere a little nicer tonight?" He had a puppy dog look in his eyes that Dean could never resist.

"Sure. Like a place with a working shower and hot water?"

"Yeah..." Sam added wistfully as he seemed to daydream for a moment. "Oh... and clean sheets!"

"Anything for you, little brother. Anything for you." She said as she put the car back in drive and continued on the road.

* * *

Sam and Dean settled for a 'Comfort Inn', four hours outside of LA. As they entered the room, they both smiled. They might as well have been at the 'Ritz', as far as they were concerned. The room was bright and airy, all the lights worked, and they had two spacious double beds with clean sheets. It was heaven.

"I call first dibs on the shower." Sam said as he grabbed his bath kit from his bag.

"Go ahead." Dean answered as she brushed a blond lock out of her face. "I'm going to see what's on the tube."

Sam disappeared into the bathroom as Dean propped her back against the headboard of the bed. With the remote in her hand, she clicked the TV on. She sighed in contentment as she channel surfed. "Boring...boring..." she mumbled to herself as she found nothing of interest. "Oh...now's that's good...Skinamax!" Dean smirked as she finally found something worth watching. She watched for a few moments as the couple onscreen were moaning. She found herself becoming aroused as they continued. With all the events of the last few days, Dean realized something. She hadn't come in awhile. Usually, Dean tried to masturbate or find some hot chick on the road every couple of days to satisfy his needs. As she looked on the screen, she couldn't decide who was more enticing: the woman or the man. That thought frightened Dean a bit. The confusion was baffling, but nonetheless, Dean was horny. She looked at the bathroom out of the corner of her eye. 'It wouldn't hurt just to try it.' Dean thought. 'Might give me information to use later.' She smiled. "Right. It's just research." She said to no one as she unbuttoned her jeans. Again, she glanced at the bathroom to make sure Sam wasn't coming out too soon. She slid her hands in her jeans and touched herself. She shivered as her cold hand caressed her clitoris. "Uh..." Dean moaned as closed her eyes briefly. The feeling was incredible. She opened her eyes to focus on the screen. The woman was riding the man hard. "Yeah..." Dean bit down on her lip as she tried to stifle her groan as she continued to rub at her core. Slowly, she worked herself and she felt like she was near climax. She suddenly heard the water turn off and began to panic. She was so close and didn't want to stop. But, Sam was likely stepping out of the shower now. She imagined Sam's hard body with water cascading down his muscles. "Oh...God!" she gasped as she came hard, her body shivering in delight She lay back panting for a moment, before her head cleared. "OH, GOD!" She said as she sat up quickly, horrified at the image that came into her head as she came. "What?" Dean looked around the room. "That didn't just happen." She kept saying to herself as she buttoned her jeans. Dean did what Dean did best: repress. The implications of what just happened were too enormous to even try to understand right now. She grabbed a water bottle and cleaned her hands over the wastebasket. She took the remote and quickly turned the channel to whatever she could find. She was smoothing her hair frantically with her hand as Sam stepped out from the bathroom. He had one towel wrapped below his well defined hips; the other towel he used to dry his locks.

"That shower felt so good, man!" Sam exclaimed as he finished drying his hair. "It has one of those massage heads and everything. You should try it out, Dean." He continued, but then realized that Dean hadn't answered. "You okay?" He realized that she was not looking at him. She was quite focused on the TV. Sam walked over and grabbed the remote. "Since when are you interested in PBS?"

Dean snatched it back. "Sometimes, I like it." Dean wasn't a good liar.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." Dean started channel surfing again and finally settled on a rerun of 'Seinfeld'.

"You really should try out the shower. You'll feel half human after it." Sam smiled as he turned his back to Dean. He quickly slipped into some boxer's and a t-shirt and lay down on his bed. He groaned in delight at the feel of the soft bed under him. "Today was a good day."

"Yeah?" Dean answered half-listening.

"It's been a long time since I had a relaxing day like that."

"Huh." She responded.

Sam sat up against the backboard. "Did you know that Steven is a Stanford alum?" At hearing the word, Stanford, Dean turned the TV off and glanced at her brother. She felt tension seeping into her body. But, she said nothing.

"He went to undergrad and got his MBA and law degree there."

"Great." She forced out.

Sam seemed so excited. "He said if I ever need anyone to pull strings to get me back in, I should contact him." He smiled. "Isn't that cool?"

Dean's mouth went dry. "Yeah." She managed to say as she looked down.

Sam crossed his arms behind his head, sighed, and yawned. He mumbled. "God...I 'd give anything to feel normal again..." He trailed off as he closed his eyes for a moment.

Dean's teeth clenched as she stood hastily. "Well, don't let me stop you, Sam!" She yelled.

"What?" Sam sat up fully as he looked into the angry hazel eyes of Dean.

"You blame me. Don't you?"

"Wait. For what?" Sam was confused.

"For taking you away from your cookie cutter existence!" She paced the room. "I bet you blame me for Jess too. Maybe if I hadn't shown up..."

"Dean, I told you before. I don't blame you for her death. Shit, I'm partly responsible." Sam eyes were concerned as he looked at her.

"Look, maybe I thought I needed your help before to find Dad." She said as she looked out the window. "I was wrong. I can do this on my own." She said with cold eyes as she turned around and faced her brother. Her heart ached as she saw hurt in Sam's eyes. "You'll never have your normal life if you're on the road with me." She paused. "So, go back to Stanford or whatever...I don't give a shit!"

Sam walked up to her and grabbed her arm gently. "I'm in this to the end, Dean. You and me. We're going to find Dad and the demon that destroyed our family. I have to find Jess' killer."

"And then what?" Dean was almost afraid to ask.

Sam stayed silent for a time. He shrugged his shoulders. "I-I don't know. But whatever happens, I want a normal life. I want us both to, Dean."

"You're so naïve, Sammy." Dean practically whispered. She felt tears stinging his eyes. She suddenly felt claustrophobic in the room. She walked over to the table and grabbed the keys and went towards the door.

"Dean, where are you going?"

She could barely look at him. "I'm hungry...I'll grab us some food." She stepped through the door.

"Let me go with you." He answered.

She placed her hand up. "Sam, I just need some fresh air. Okay?" She looked down for a moment. "There's a place a few miles away. I'll get us something and I'll be back."

"Dean..." Sammy pleaded as she quickly sprinted to the car and took off. "Damn it." He hung his head.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5b

Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly as she drove into the night down the road to nowhere. She had passed the diner thirty miles back, but was not ready to stop just yet. She fought the fear that she felt in her heart that Sam was going to eventually leave again. She shook her head to try to clear her mind. She rolled down her windows and blasted her Metallica music. As she shouted the lyrics to 'Enter Sandman', she became angry. The song just did not sound the same in her now female voice. She pulled to the side of the road and turned the car off. She leaned her head against the steering wheel as she hit it with her hand. "Ow." She whimpered. She lay in that position for a time. "What am I going to do?" She spoke softly. The uncertainty of finding a reversal to her gender change, coupled with the reality that Sam would eventually leave was almost too much to bare. And Dean could not even face the fact that her father abandoned her as well. "What's wrong with me?" Her lips quivered as Dean allowed one tear to escape her sorrowful hazel eyes.

Eventually, Dean leaned up and took a deep, breath. "Come on, dude. Suck it up." She told herself. She started the Impala and turned the car around to head for the diner. About twenty miles outside of town, Dean heard a pop and then a hiss. "Shit..." She said as she felt the car tilt a bit. She pulled over and went to the trunk. She grabbed a flashlight and shined it on her left back tire. It was flat. Dean's jaw clenched as she looked up. "Damn it!" She yelled to the sky. She stomped back to the trunk and got out the jack, tools, and the spare tire. "This crap is heavy." She mumbled. As she set about changing the tire, a car stopped beside her. The window rolled down and Dean looked up. There was a couple in their late twenties in the vehicle.

"Hi. Do you need any help?" They asked kindly.

Dean shook her head. "No thanks. I've got it." She smiled at them.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I appreciate it, though."

"Alright. Take care." The couple drove off.

Dean continued with her work as a truck passed by on the opposite lane. She did not notice the vehicle drive past her and then turn around. Suddenly, she noticed bright fluorescent lights shining as she secured the spare tire. As she finished tightening the last lug nut, she heard foot steps. She was still on her knees, crouching in front of the tire. Without looking up, she said, "I'm okay. I don't need any help, thanks." When there was no answer, she turned her head up and was blinded by the brilliant glow coming from the truck. She shielded her eyes with her hand. She could barely make out a figure, when suddenly, the world went black.

* * *

Sam slowly opened his eyes as he lay on his bed. His arms stretched out as he regained consciousness. 'That was a nice cat nap.' He thought to himself. He sat up suddenly, when he realized how quiet it was. "God. I didn't realize I went to sleep." He looked around the room. "Dean?" He got up and went to the bathroom. Dean wasn't there. Sam glanced at the clock. The time read 1:00 am. Sam's heart sank. Dean had left at about 8:30pm. He hurried to his phone and dialed his brother's cell phone number. It went straight to voice mail. He closed his eyes as he heard Dean's male voice for the first time in 4 days. He waited for the beep. "Dean, it's Sam. Where are you? It's one o'clock in the morning. I hope this isn't a joke, man. You know I'm really hungry." Sam tried to sound sarcastic, but his voice was not convincing. "Just call me and let me know you're okay." He stared at his phone before hitting 'end'. Sam had a bad feeling. "Where are you, Dean?" He whispered.

Sam had called Dean's phone five times over the next thirty minutes, before deciding to go to look for his brother. He grabbed the spare keys and left the hotel room. He went to the front office and asked if he could get a taxicab service. The woman behind the counter smiled.

"This isn't LA, young man." The older woman answered. "We don't have cabs around here."

Sam was starting to lose it. "I need a way to get to the main town. Please." Maybe the look of desperation in his eyes swayed her. She turned around and went to the back office. There was a younger man there watching TV. They both looked at Sam before coming back out.

"My son will take you." She said.

Sam sighed in relief. "Thank you so much. I can pay you if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. It's only about ten miles up the road. Can I ask why you're in such a rush? Believe me, the bar in town ain't too good."

"My sister. She left to get some food a while ago, and she isn't back yet." Sam felt his eyes water.

"Oh, that pretty little thing you checked in with? I'm sure she's alright, young man."

"Yeah," Sam's mouth felt dry, "I hope you're right."

Sam was dropped off on Main Street in front of the bar. He had hoped to find Dean's car in the lot, but to no avail. He decided to try his luck anyway. Maybe she was shooting pool. He asked around the bar and no one had seen her. A few men made lewd remarks that they wish they had; Sam nearly popped them. He didn't have time to deal with those idiots.

By the time Sam left the bar, he was in full panic mode. He glanced at his watch and his heart sank further. 2:30 am. He ran his hand through his disheveled brown locks as he looked around the dimly lit street. "Okay...focus, Sam." He was practically panting as he spoke. He tried Dean's cell phone again, but still he got the voice mail. He started walking down Main street seeing if there were any other places he could search for her. He eventually found himself in front of the sheriff's department. He hated involving the cops. That was one of the first things their father taught them. But, he was desperate.

He walked into the station and up to a desk. A woman officer, she appeared to be in her early forties, sat there. "Can I help you?"

Sam had to find his voice. It wavered as he spoke. "Yeah. Um, my sister is missing and I need your help."

She opened up a pad and grabbed a pen. "Are you sure?" She asked as she stood and walked from behind the desk. "Can you tell me what happened?" Sam relayed the story to her. She jotted down a few notes. After she finished writing, she looked up. "What's her name?"

Sam thought for a moment for which identity they were using this week. "Dean. Dean Buckley."

"Her name is Dean?" She asked suspiciously.

"My parents thought she was going to be a boy." He forced a smile on his face, hoping to sound believeable.

"And your name is?"

"Sam."

"Same last name?" Sam nodded. She placed her notebook on the desk. "Well, Sam." She cleared her throat. "Usually we don't file missing person reports until said person has been unaccounted for a period of 24 to 48 hours."

"I understand that." Sam eyes watered again. "But, please. I know something is wrong. It's only the two of us and there is no way she would have stayed away this long unless something happened to her." He dropped his head for a moment. "I don't have the car. I have no way to go look for her. Please?" He pleaded with her.

Something in his eyes touched her. In her years on the force, she had seen the agony of losing loved ones. "Alright, Sam. My squad car is out back. By the way, I'm Officer Patterson." She paused. "But, you can call me Carol." They shook hands as they began to walk.

They passed the diner and Sam had run in and asked if they had seen Dean. No one fitting her description had eaten or ordered in the last eight hours. Sam had suggested driving the road out of town. He knew that sometimes Dean liked to go on a drive when he seemed upset about something. Sam tried to swallow the guilt he was feeling about how their conversation went before she took off. He wished he had not opened his mouth about Stanford. Sam knew Dean had been hurt when he left for school. He had hoped Dean would understand after all this time why he did it. But it seems, the subject was still a sore spot. Sam mentally berated himself for opening up old wounds.

They drove in silence down the two lane highway leading out of town. Sam kept dialing Dean's phone and still no pickup. He closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them, he saw something in the distance. He squinted his eyes to focus better as he leaned forward. "Carol...wait!" He said in a frantic tone. "Stop!" He practically stumbled out of the door. His heart constricted when he saw Dean's abandoned car.

Carol grabbed her flashlight as she shined light on the car. She looked inside. "The car keys are still in the ignition." She observed quietly as she continued to move the light around. At the base of the left back tire, she saw a wet spot. As she got closer, she realized what it was. She did not say anything, because Sam beat her to it.

"It's her blood, isn't it?" He said around the lump in her throat.

"Sam, let's not come to any conclusions yet." She tried to sound reassuring, but failed. She walked back briskly to her car and called for backup. Within thirty minutes, three officers from her department and four from a neighboring town had responded to the scene.

Sam paced nervously in the background while the officers congregated. He was growing impatient. "Fuck this." He mumbled as he grabbed a large flashlight and started walking towards the woods.

Carol shouted after him. "Where are you going, Sam?"

"I can't stand around here just waiting! She's out there hurt and we're doing nothing!" His nose flared in anger.

"These woods are dense, Sam. It'll be first light soon. We can start the search then."

He threw his hands in the air. "And until then? SOMEONE HAS HER! And I'm just supposed to what? Sit back and do nothing?"

"We don't know that yet, Sam. You need to calm down. We are going to do everything we can."

Sam looked out into the dense woods with a sense of dread. He knew they were right. He wouldn't do Dean any good if he got lost in an area he was not familiar with. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate to see if he could feel Dean. If she is in trouble, why hadn't he had a vision? It made no sense. He went back and sat in the police car. He looked down at his phone. Sam trembled as his fear continued to increase. He felt so alone. He slowly dialed a number. When he got his father's voice mail as always, he didn't leave a message. He lay his head back on the seat as tears rolled from his eyes.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sam was impatient, fidgeting, as he waited for the sun to rise. He paced along side the police vehicles as the group formulated their plan for the search. Once they agreed there was enough light, they dispersed to their vehicles. Carol motioned for Sam to enter her squad car. Sam shook his head.

"I'm going to take her car." He said quietly, but forcefully. Carol looked at another officer who shrugged his shoulders.

"We've gotten what we need from it." He said sympathetically.

"Okay, Sam. But follow us." She paused as Sam stood outside the Impala. "Is that really Dean's car?" She asked. Sam nodded. "If it is, then she's one tough chick, Sam. She'll be okay. We'll find her."

"I hope." Sam mumbled as he sat down in Dean's baby and joined the caravan of police cars. He followed as they drove about twenty miles outside of town. He wondered where they were when they stopped.

Sam joined the group. "Why here?" He asked Carol.

"There are groups of houses, cabins and shacks in this area. We have had trouble from these parts before. It seems like the best place to start." She looked intently at Sam. "Now, I know you won't stay back here and let us conduct the search."

"No, ma'am...I won't." Sam responded.

"You stay BEHIND us, Sam. You got that?"

Sam managed a smile at the maternal tone in her voice. "Yes, ma'am."

* * *

The search was entering it's fourth hour. Sam was growing more desperate with each passing minute. They had entered many abandoned cabins and a few occupied ones. Their search was fruitless thus far. Sam's fear for Dean was eating at him. He could barely concentrate as he thought what was happening to Dean at this very moment. He tried to focus, trying to 'feel' her, but to no avail. 

A male officer walked up to the next house on their path. They all were hopeful when they saw a light on. Perhaps the occupants had some information for them. He knocked on the door. He heard some faint noises inside. He knocked again. The noises increased and he heard a small crash. The officer reached for his gun. He turned around and motioned for some of the other officers to go to either side of the house. He knocked a third time. In a loud voice, he announced his presence. "POLICE. OPEN UP."

Sam was a few hundred feet away. He stood straighter as he saw the officer pull his gun.

"THIS IS THE POLICE. OPEN YOUR DOOR OR WE WILL BE FORCED TO KNOCK IT DOWN." He knocked for a fourth time.

Suddenly, everything was a blur. A man in dungarees peered out from the side of the house and shot an officer in the leg. As the wounded officer cried out, another man appeared as well. Carol and the others rushed each side of the house and for a few minutes, all Sam heard were gunshots. And as soon as the popping began, it stopped as abruptly. When Sam felt like the immediate danger had passed, he rushed to the front door. He heard Carol call his name out, trying to make him stay put until the house was truly secure, but he ignored her. He was singularly focused on finding Dean. He pushed his way through the front door that seemed to be barricaded by a chest of drawers. The dingy, foul smelling house was poorly lit. Sam had to wait a moment for his eyes to focus. He immediately began searching each room. He found nothing. He kept looking and finally came to a door that seemed to lead to a cellar. The door creaked open. Sam slowly made his way down the steep stairs. He shivered slightly as the temperature was significantly cooler in this area.

His eyes peered in each direction looking for any clues. He gasped as his eyes turned the corner. Bathed by a minimal amount of sunlight, the tiny, bruised, naked body of Dean lay quietly. "DEAN!" Sam shouted as he rushed to her side. She lay in a fetal position, wrists bound tightly with duct tape. She was in a pool of her own blood. Her grayish skin was marred with bruises. Sam knelt by her, almost afraid to go near her. His hand shakily touched her. "Dean?" Sam asked as tears poured from his eyes. She did not respond. He placed his hand near her mouth and was encouraged to feel the faintest whisper of her breath. Sam turned suddenly when he heard multiple footsteps coming down the stairs. Carol stood at the foot of the steps.

"Sam." She looked horrified at the state of Dean. "The ambulance is coming."

"I need a knife...someone...please!" He said in desperation as he turned back to Dean. He tried with his own hands to free her from her bindings, but to no avail. Someone handed him one, and he carefully cut away at the duct tape. Her small, delicate hands were white as it had nearly cut off her circulation. He quickly ripped his coat off and wrapped her and made to pick her up.

"Sam, don't move her. We don't know what kind of injuries she has."

Sam nodded absently as he tried to envelope her as best as he could. "Hold on, Dean...okay? Just hold on...I've got you...I'm here...Sammy's here..." He said over and over again as he stroked her cheek.

After what seemed to be an eternity, an ambulance crew arrived on the scene. They placed her carefully on a backboard and started securing a neck collar on her. An oxygen mask was placed to attempt to improve her color. They covered her in many blankets to try to prevent any further cooling of her body. They loaded her gently into the ambulance. As Sam stepped up with them, he was stopped by the paramedics.

"I want to go with her." He said strongly, his eyes never leaving Dean.

"I understand that, sir," the paramedic replied, "but she is very ill and there is a lot we can do for her on our way. We need room."

Sam reluctantly agreed and stood watching the unconscious Dean as they closed the door in his face. He turned when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Follow us to the hospital, Sam." Carol said kindly as the ambulance pulled away, lights and sirens blazing.

* * *

When Sam arrived at the hospital, Dean had already been ushered to a room. The curtains were drawn and the glass doors were closed. He felt useless standing there, not able to help her. The guilt he felt over her injuries was nearly overwhelming. He sat with his head in his hands; a feeling of nausea consuming him. 

Carol sat down next to Sam. She offered him a cup of coffee which Sam refused. After some time, he turned to her. "Where are they?" Carol knew what he was talking about.

"They drew guns and fired on officers of the law. We shot and killed three suspects."

"Were there any more?"

"We don't think so; but, we'll stake the place out for a bit."

Sam grabbed Carol's hand. "Thank you." He said quietly as his eyes welled up again.

"She'll be okay, Sam. She'll be okay." She squeezed tightly.

* * *

After nearly ninety minutes, a doctor exited Dean's room. Sam stood expectantly as he walked towards him. Sam met him half way. "How is she?" He asked in a rushed tone. 

"I'm Doctor Parsons. Are you a relative?"

Sam nodded. "I'm her brother, Sam." A feeling of dread spread through him at the serious look on the doctor's face. "How is she?" he repeated in a more forceful tone.

"Sam. She is very ill. Our first concern was her breathing. There appears to have been some strangulation-type injury and that, coupled with severe hypothermia made me worried about her airway. So, we put a breathing tube down her so I could ensure that she is receiving an adequate amount of oxygen." He paused at the pained look in Sam's eyes. "We ran a Cat Scan of her head and and belly so see if we could find any internal injuries. She appears to have some blood around her liver and spleen."

Sam's mouth was so dry. He could barely talk. "What does that mean?"

"It means, she had some blunt trauma to that area. Luckily, there are no tears in those organs. Her blood pressure is slightly low due to the blood loss, but is responding nicely to intravenous fluids. It will need to be watched closely to see if any other intervention is needed."

"She didn't respond to me when I found her. What does that mean?"

"Your sister is very ill, Sam. I won't lie to you. Perhaps the strangulation trauma, blood loss, or the hypothermia has contributed to her coma state."

"Coma?" His eyes widened in fear.

The doctor reluctantly nodded his head. "She needs to rewarm and stabilize before making any predictions." He paused. "Because she is critically ill, we are going to transfer her to Los Angeles Memorial Hospital. They will be able to evaluate and manage all her injuries. We are focused on her life threatening injuries at this point. There are world renowned intensive care doctors that will take good care of her there. I have already contacted them."

This had to be a bad dream. Sam knew he was talking and having a conversation, but it all seemed surreal. "How will she get there?"

"'Life-Flight' Air medial service is sending a helicopter momentarily. They will fly her there."

"Can I go with her?"

"There is a minimal amount of room, Sam. Just enough for the pilot, two nurses, and your sister. She'll be in good hands." Sam felt weak in his knees. He reached out behind him and nearly collapsed into a chair. The doctor placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Do you know how to get to LA?" Sam nodded. "We have a map to give you exact directions to the hospital. Do you have any more questions right now?" Sam shook his head. The doctor was about to walk back to Dean's bedside; instead, he turned back around. "Is there any one else my staff can call for you?" He knew when family were this despondent, the support of other members and extended family was helpful.

"No. There isn't anyone else." Sam said softly.

* * *

Sam sat alone until he heard the whirl of a helicopter landing at the hospital. Two flight nurses entered Dean's room and shut the door. Sam wanted to yell and scream at them. He wanted to see her, but they would not give him a chance. After thirty minutes or so, a nurse came out from the room. She spoke kindly to Sam and told him that when they wheeled Dean out, he could say goodbye. Sam stared at Dean's room as the nurse tried to explain to him what he would see. He was barely listening to her. As the flight nurses opened the curtain and began pushing Dean towards the exit, Sam jumped up and ran to her side. All he could see were tubes in her mouth, her nose, and IV's in each arm. "Dean..." His voice choked as he touched her face, trying to be careful not to hurt her. 

He only got a glimpse of her; she was soon ushered towards the helicopter. The pilot helped the nurses load their precious cargo, and soon the engine roared back to life. A security guard gently held Sam back as he tried to inch closer to the copter.

Sam stood silently, his overgrown hair swirling in the wake of the wind, and watched as the helicopter slowly took off. Sam continued to follow it as it disappeared in the distance.

He forced himself to walk to the Impala. He wasn't sure how he made it back to their hotel, but he did. He began the task of packing up their things. He finished his bag quickly and started on Dean's. As he folded her shirts, he stopped and held one to his face. It made him feel closer to her, even for a moment. He forced himself to focus. His vision was blurry with tears that threatened to fall.

He took one last look around the room. When he assured himself that he had everything, he grabbed their two bags and turned the main light off. He sighed and gazed down as he opened the door. He gasped when he raised his head. His bags dropped to the ground. He stood with his mouth open at the vision before him. "Dad?"

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thanks for the reviews...keep them coming!

Chapter 7

Spoilers: themes from 'Shadow' and 'Salvation'

Warnings: mentions of non-con

* * *

Sam stood shocked as he stared at his father. His voice quieter than before. "Dad?"

"Sammy." John answered in his low voice as he took a step forward, expecting his son to allow him entry.

A still stunned Sam took a step to the side. "What are you doing here?"

John waited before answering. He looked around and took an inventory of their room. When he turned again to his son, he noticed the dark circles and injected eyes. Something was clearly happening. "Bobby called me." With those simple words, John saw Sam's gaze fall to the floor; but he did not speak. "He told me how impressed Stephen Foster was with your handling of the poltergeist." He paused, waiting for Sam to interject. "Stephen could not stop raving about you two. He said you were a bright, strong kid and that the '_sister_' was quite a beauty and very capable. He said you saved his family and his livelihood." John's eyes narrowed as he placed his hands on his hips.

Sam swallowed as he heard his father speak. He felt like a little boy all over again. He clenched his cheeks to keep the tears from falling.

"Damn it, Sam! What the hell is going on?" He looked around the room. "Where's Dean?"

"I...I..." Sam started to feel the beads of sweat accumulating on his brow. He stammered over his words, afraid to tell his father what happened to Dean.

"What did Dean get himself into?" John continued. "Did he get cursed by a succubus or some other demon?" He was beginning to tire of Sam's silence. "When were you going to pick up the phone and tell me about this?"

Suddenly, Sam looked up; fire blazing in his eyes. "Are you serious?" He finally found his voice. "You disappear months ago, leaving Dean alone. We've been trying to find you. Dean told me he called when we were in Lawrence." His voice continued to rise. "I called you when Dean was DYING, Dad!" He saw John's head fall slightly. "And Dean gets cursed and becomes a woman, and you EXPECT me to call you! You are UNBELIEVABLE!" Sam took deep breaths as he tried to let the anger seep away. This wasn't helping Dean. "You didn't give a shit before, so why now?"

"That's not fair, Sam." John answered.

"Isn't it, Dad?" Sam shook his head in utter disbelief at the nerve of their father. "So, it was this easy for you to show up?" His hurt eyes watered slightly. "We've been driving all across the country...looking for you...fighting your fight...why now? Why did you come now?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." He held his hand up when he saw Sam was about to interject. "I knew you'd be able to handle yourself with Missouri's help in Lawrence and find aid for Dean when you headed for Nebraska." He sighed. "Things were too hairy for me to make my presence known at the time."

"Why?" Sam continued to push, not satisfied with the explanation so far.

"I'm getting close, Sammy. To the demon who killed your mother...and Jessica..." He trailed off when he saw the pained look in Sam's eyes. "I'm sorry about your girlfriend, Sam. I really am. I wished you didn't have to go through that." He took a deep breath. "Look, I'm here. I want to help. Now, where is Dean?"

Sam's voice hitched as he went to sit on the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair.

John looked around again and saw their bags packed. His heart dropped as his voice cracked when he spoke again. "Sammy? Where. Is. Dean?"

Sam looked up as a few tears escaped. "We...we had a fight...and she drove off the other night..."

"You let Dean go off...by 'herself'." He accentuated the last word as he spoke plainly with a non-accusatory tone. "Is Dean able to fight? How big is she?"

Sam spoke in a small voice. "A-About 5 ft 2...110 pounds..." John closed his eyes briefly, but said nothing. Sam forced himself to continue. The guilt within him was overwhelming. He felt bile rising in his throat as he continued. "He...she...didn't come back after a few hours. So, I started looking for her. I went to the town and looked at the local bar and then I went to the police."

John's eyes widened. "You involved the police?"

Sam stood up quickly. "I HAD to, Dad! She just vanished! I just wanted to find her." He said in a desperate tone. "They drove me outside of town and we found the Impala, abandoned." He closed his eye as another tear escaped. "W-we waited till first light and after four hours we found Dean..."

By the tone of his voice, John knew the news was bad. "Is Dean..." He couldn't even say the words.

"The bastards that took her...they beat her and she was in some cellar, barely breathing..." He shook his head to clear the image of her battered body lying on the stone cold floor.

"Sammy, where is he now?"

"They flew Dean to Los Angeles Memorial Hospital." Sam had nothing left to say as he turned towards the window. An uncomfortable silence engulfed the room. Sam wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly feeling cold.

John wanted to go over to his youngest son and embrace him, but he could not force his feet to make the small journey over to him. He clenched his fists that hung at his side. He thought he taught his boys to always watch out for each other. He took a few calming breaths and spoke to Sam's back. "Let's go." He ordered Sam forcefully. He watched as Sam turned back to face his father, the guilt shining in his young eyes. He hoped to see some reassurance and hope from his dad, but there was none. He walked to his discarded bags and picked them up. He followed his father to the parking lot; each Winchester getting into their own cars. Sam waited for his dad to pull out of the parking lot, and he followed.

* * *

They arrived in Los Angeles within three and a half hours. Sam was thankful that they had not encountered any police on their way. They pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. They walked silently toward the entrance. When they stepped inside they immediately found patient information. A kind woman informed them that Dean was in the Intensive Care Unit in Room 2608. They found the correct set of elevators and pressed the second floor button. Neither could look at the other. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. They followed the signs leading to the large cedar doors that denoted the entrance into the ICU. Sam pressed the button and the doors whooshed open. He felt slightly intimidated as he surveyed the scene before him. It was a large unit. Every patient room had glass door entrances. Many nurses and doctors scurried around taking care of the patients. Sam and John walked up to the main desk. A secretary looked up and smiled.

"May I help you?"

Sam cleared his throat. "Uh, my sister was sent here...Dean...Dean Buckley."

She looked up at the electronic board. "Yes. Room 2608. Let me check with the nurse to see if you can visit right now." She picked up the phone and dialed. She waited a moment before speaking. "There are two visitors here...yes...immediate family..okay." She replaced the receiver. She gestured to their left. "Go ahead. Her nurse is Pam. It is okay for a visit."

"Thank you." Sam said quietly as he looked at his dad. The two walked down the hall and stopped in front of Dean's room. Before going in, their nurse met them at the entrance.

"Hi, I'm Pam. I will be Dean's nurse until 7 pm. And you are?"

"I'm Sam. Dean's brother."

John cleared his throat. "John. Dean's father."

Pam smiled sympathetically. This was always the hard part. She spoke kindly. "I just wanted to let you know what you will see. Dean has a tube down her throat helping her to breath. The tube in her nose is to keep a lot of air from her stomach. She has two major IV's. One in her neck, so we can draw blood and give her medication. That is called a central line. The other is in her wrist, so we can monitor her blood pressure. She has a catheter in her bladder, so we can watch her urination. Depending on how long she needs all this, we can provide liquid nutrition through her IV."

"How is Dean doing?" John asked as his concerned eyes hesitantly looked at Dean.

"She's been here for about 5 or 6 hours now. She is about the same. Her blood pressure is stable. That's good."

"Can we talk to her doctor?" Sam asked quietly.

Pam nodded. "While you are visiting, I can see if he can come talk to you." She noticed their trepidation. "Don't be afraid. Go ahead." She gestured. "Talk to her. Hold her hand. Let her know that you're here."

Sam was the first to walk up to her bedside. The only movement from Dean was the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest timed to the breathing machine. She looked so small surrounding by all the electronics and monitors. Pam had placed a chair by her bedside. His hand shook as he grasped her tiny one as he sat down. He lowered his head as he whispered. "I'm so sorry...God...Dean..." He looked up at the nurse after he noticed Dean's eyes were closed by tape. "Her eyes?"

"We close them like that to prevent dryness."

"Is she in pain?" Sam asked as he turned back to Dean.

"We are giving her a mild sedative and some pain medicine." After she was sure that Sam had no other questions, she excused herself to call the doctor.

After ten minutes, Sam gently placed her hand back on the bed. He turned to his father, who stood in the back of the room. He saw tears in his eyes as he stared at Dean. Sam mumbled to his father, "I'll be outside," and left him alone. John cautiously walked to Dean's bedside. The shock of seeing his eldest boy as a female coupled with his condition was almost too much to bare.

He sat down and looked at her still face. He brushed a blond lock of hair out of her eye. "Dean..." He whispered as he rubbed his eyes to force the tears back. He looked down at her delicate hands. He noticed the chipped and bruised fingernails. He carefully held her hand. "You fought back...didn't you..." He said as the tears welled up again. He sat like that for some time until Sam entered the room again.

"Dad. The doctor can talk to us now." He watched as John placed her hand back down. The eldest Winchester took one last look at Dean and then followed Sam down the hall to the conference room.

They waited a few minutes and then the doctor arrived. He was an older man, in a starch white coat that matched the color of his hair. He extended his hand. "I am Dr. Nile. You must be Sam." He nodded his head as they shook hands. "Mr. Buckley."

"John is fine."

"Very well. Please have a seat." When the Winchesters settled he began. "I am sure you would like an update on Dean's condition."

Sam interjected. "My dad was not with us in Mason, so if you could...you know..."

"Sure." He took a deep breath before starting. "As you know, Dean is very ill. She was having difficulty breathing on her own, so the doctors appropriately intervened. She has evidence of strangulation injury, some blood loss, and she was very cold at the time. We have successfully gotten her body temperature back to normal. She had some blood loss because of trauma to her abdomen."

"What kind of trauma?" John asked.

"I can only speculate: possibly fists or other objects." He paused as he saw John shudder slightly. "She had some blood pressure problems earlier, but it seems stable for the time being."

Sam spoke. "The doctor in Mason said she was in a coma. Is she going to get better?"

"Only time will tell, Sam. The next 2-3 days will tell us a lot. Right now, I only have a minimum amount of sedation medicine running. We will watch her closely for signs of waking up. It is too early to say." He waited for a moment before continuing. He cleared his throat. "She also had evidence of a sexual assault." Sam looked at his dad and then back at the doctor. John took a step forward.

"What do you mean?" John asked in a tight tone.

The doctor elaborated. "Dean shows signs of being raped and sodomized by her captors." John turned and walked toward the window. He looked as if he was going to punch the glass, but stopped himself at the last moment. "From the reports I heard, the three men responsible were killed by the police. Regardless, we gathered evidence if it would be needed. We will give her the appropriate preventative medicines as well." He watched as Sam hung his head and John stayed by the window. The doctor stood. "We will do everything in our power to help Dean get better. The road may not be easy. Sometimes you will feel that you take one step forward and two steps back. But, be strong for her." He paused. "Do you have any more questions?"

Both men shook their heads.

"Thank you, Doctor." Sam forced out. They were left alone in the room. The silence was stifling. John stood by the window, while Sam sat in the chair. The words of the doctor sunk into their heads. Sam glanced at his father. "Dad?" He sounded like a lost boy. "Dad, please look at me." He was not sure what he'd see when John turned around. He expected to see disappointment and blame. What he saw made his breath catch: there was fear in John's eyes. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." Sam repeated over and over again and sobbed as he buried his head in his hands. John allowed a tear to escape his eye. He walked over to Sam and stood in front of him. He leaned forward and embraced his youngest child. Sam wrapped his arms around his father's waist and continued to cry and whisper, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

John gently stroked Sam's hair as he tried to comfort him. "Dean will be alright, Sammy...Dean will be alright."

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

Warning: hurt!dean;

This chapter: Dean's medical condition changes...

Chapter 8

John sipped on a cup of coffee while waiting for another one to brew. When the task was complete, he walked over to Sam and handed it to him. The two Winchesters were now in the ICU family waiting room, awaiting the time they could return to Dean's bedside. After Sam's breakdown, the two had barely spoken. John returned to the other end of the room. After some time, he spoke quietly.

"What's he like?"

Sam stared at the blackness of his coffee, as if all the answers lie there. He looked up as he heard his father's low, deep voice pierce the silence. "Huh?" He had not fully understood the question.

John turned around. "Dean. What's he like, now?"

Sam smiled sadly as he thought of his brother. "Dean is still Dean..." Sam gazed up for a moment, "but, maybe a little more emotional. Dean's been more up front about his feelings."

John grinned slightly. "Sounds like your mother." Sam sat up straighter. His father so rarely discussed his mom. John continued. "Women. They love to talk things out...share how they feel." He spoke almost wistfully, as if he was having a memory of his beloved wife.

Sam waited before speaking again. "Before going to Mason, some guy hit on Dean when we were at a bar. He grabbed her pretty hard, but she kicked him in the nuts." Sam chuckled slightly; he wished he could have seen the look on the jerk's face. His reverie was short lived as he recalled the look in Dean's eyes after.

"She." John said slowly as if he was trying the word on for size. He looked directly at his younger son. "You call Dean a 'she' so easily...like he was always one."

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I think after dealing with the cops and hospitals over the last few days, I had to make sure I didn't slip up. I know that Dean is still a 'he'...but it's getting so muddled in my head now. He's different, yet he's not."

"How long has it been?" John inquired.

"Six days."

John took the seat next to his son. "What happened?" Sam spent a few minutes and relayed the story to his dad. John stayed silent for a time, thinking. "And you checked out the waitress and the bar?"

Sam nodded. "No paranormal activity. She wasn't a demon."

"Well," John responded, "once Dean is better, we'll look into it and reverse it." He said with conviction. Although Sam would never admit it, there was something comforting about the tone in his dad's voice.

"Dad?" Sam asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"After that jerk in the bar, Dean admitted to me how scared she was that she wouldn't be able to hunt or to fight." Sam swallowed heavily. "And after this..." His voice choked and he closed his eyes as images of what Dean likely suffered flooded into his mind.

His father had nothing to say, but placed his arm on Sammy's shoulder.

* * *

Dean made steady improvements over the next two days. The medication she needed to stabilize her blood pressure was turned off. Sam and John were ecstatic to learn that in addition to the breaths Dean received by the machine, she had taken a few breaths of her own.

Sam walked into Dean's room after grabbing a small meal in the cafeteria. He had no appetite, but he forced himself to eat to keep his strength up for Dean. He smiled at the nurse as he took his customary seat at Dean's bedside. He looked down and saw her wrists were bound to the bed. His eyes widened and he turned to the nurse. "Pam? What's going on?" He said as he pointed to her wrists.

"Dean opened her eyes briefly..." She began, but Sam interrupted.

"What? Why didn't you page us?" His anger was growing.

"It happened at shift change and was very brief, Sam. She started weakly pulling at her breathing tube in her mouth."

"So you have to tie her down?" He asked in an accusatory tone.

"Yes, Sam. We do. We have started turning down her sedation so she can awaken on her own. But, we do not want her pulling out her tube prematurely."

Sam settled a bit. "It just seems cruel, that's all." He said as he stared at her delicate hand.

"I know. But this is positive news. She's really improving. Just hang in there."

* * *

Dean's mind was foggy and muddled with confusion. She felt like she was floating and slowly, harshness was settling in. She heard faint beeps and other noises she did not recognize. She went to move her arms, but that action was impeded. All she could think was 'Sammy' as fear gripped her. She was not aware of where she was, when it was. Her eyes felt heavy as she tried to open them. A kaleidescope of light bombarded her as her lids cracked open. She could barely focus as she was met with bright white colors. She thought she heard a voice, but it was hard to concentrate as pain ripped through her. She thought she was suffocating as she felt something in her throat. She used all her energy to try to move her arms to relieve the obstruction. All she could produce was a single tear falling from her emerald green eyes.

Dean's nurse turned back towards her as she heard a noise. There was a moan as she saw Dean's eyes flickering open and a single tear falling from one eye. Dean seemed to be in distress, her consciousness returning to her. Pam quickly went to the phone and called the doctor.

* * *

Dr. Nile found John and Sam in the waiting room. The two looked haggard as they stood to greet the physician. Their eyes were hopeful as they saw the doctor smile.

"Dean's awake." The doctor began. The two Winchesters let out a sigh of relief. "She seemed to be in pain, so I gave her some medicine. We are weaning her off the ventilator. I am hopeful that we may be able to pull the tube in the morning."

"That's good news, Doc." John added quietly.

"Is she awake right now?" Sam asked eagerly.

The doctor shook his head. "It probably took a lot out of her, plus I gave her pain medicine." He saw the disappointed look on Sam's face. "She'll awaken again, Sam. Don't worry."

"Can I see her?" Sam added.

"Of course." He smiled as he saw Sam rush off to her bedside.

Sam stood hesitantly at the door. As he watched Dean's calm face, she did not look any different than over the last few days. But, now there was hope. Sam grabbed her hand as he sat. He leaned over so he could speak directly in her ear and not be heard. "Wake up soon, Dean." He said as his eyes watered. "I can't wait to see you..." He dropped his voice even lower. "I love you."

* * *

Dean's eyes opened in the morning and this time, she was able to focus. She thought she might be in a hospital. She kept thinking of how she got there, why she was there. Brief images associated with pain and fear gripped her. Everything was so perplexing. Where was Sammy? She suddenly was staring into faces she did not recognize. She felt her eyes widen and her heart race. She started to pant wildly.

"It's okay, Dean." Dr. Nile spoke slowly and calmly as he tried to reassure her of her safety. "You are at Los Angeles Memorial Hospital. You were hurt."

Dean used all her energy to try to speak, but all she do was moan weakly around the breathing tube. She felt a tickle around her wrists.

She heard a female voice. "I'm your nurse, Kara, Dean. I am going to untie your hands."

The doctor spoke again. "Dean, we will get that tube out of your mouth soon, but please don't pull at it. We need to take care of a few things first." He paused. "Do you understand me?" He asked kindly.

It took a bit for the command to register through Dean's mind. But, she mustered some energy to be able to nod her head. She tried to keep her panicking at a minimum. She heard voices conferring for a time. She never felt so alone at that moment. All she wanted was to see her brother, to understand what was happening. She could not help the tears that fell.

After an eternity, people gathered around her. She heard the male voice again.

"Okay, Dean. We are going to remove the tube. When I tell you, I want you to use all your strength and blow out. Okay?" Dean nodded hesitantly. Dr. Nile took one last look at the numbers and looked back down at Dean. "On the count of three, Dean. One, two, and three...blow."

Dean gasped as the offending tube slipped out of her throat. She coughed and gagged for a moment as an oxygen mask was placed over her mouth. As she settled, her fatigue was overwhelming. She closed her eyes briefly, but then she heard the same voices again.

Dr. Nile spoke. "You did great, Dean. I need you to do a few things for me. I know you feel weak but can you squeeze my hands?" Dean concentrated and was able to lightly grip his fingers. "Great. Do you feel me touching here?" The doctor grasped her toes and touched her legs. Dean nodded.

She had so many questions to ask. She tried to speak, but felt like she couldn't find her voice. She feebly batted at her oxygen mask and the nurse removed it briefly. Her voice was hoarse, barely a whisper. She felt so tired.

"S-s-s-a-a-m-m..." She whispered as she closed her eyes. She had no energy left.

"Your brother is here." Kara looked to the doctor to see if she was ready for visitors. He nodded. The nurse went to the phone and called the front desk.

Sam's hands felt restless as he practically sprinted down towards Dean's room. They had told him that Dean asked for him. He knew his dad was eager to see her, but the eldest Winchester understood and stayed behind for the time being. Sam's heart was racing in anticipation. When he stepped in the room, he was so happy when he saw the tube out of her mouth. She seemed to have some thin tubing in her nose. The nurse smiled at him when he entered.

"She did well when we took the tube out. She started on a mask and now we have a simple cannula in her nose. She still needs a little oxygen and that will provide it. She was asking for you." She smiled and then stepped just outside to give them a little privacy.

Sam let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he sat down. " Dean?" He spoke almost reverently. His heart nearly exploded with excitement as he saw her slowly open her emerald green eyes. He grabbed her hand and placed a chaste kiss upon them. "God...Dean..." Tears fell from his eyes.

"S-s-a-a-m-m-y..." Dean slowly turned her head towards him and weakly smiled as she saw her brother for the first time. Relief flooded through her. He was there and he was real.

"Thank God..." He whispered as he brought her hand to his face.

Dean had to concentrate to speak. Her throat hurt, it felt foreign to her. She was fixated on Sam's face. Her voice was so low, Sam had to lean in. It took some time for all her words to come out. "Y-you're h-here..."

"I am, Dean. Everything will be fine. You're safe, now. Okay? You're safe." Sam insisted to reassure her and himself. He stroked her hair gently.

"F-found m-me..." Dean said as her chin trembled and a tear fell down her sculpted cheek.

He reached up to wipe her tear. "I did. I'll never let you out of my sight again. I swear to you." He said with fire in his eyes.

Dean tried to smile as she was comforted for the first time since returning to consciousness. She closed her eyes as she felt Sam's light touch on her hand. "So t-tired, S-s-sammy..."

"I know, Dean. Just rest...I'm here now. Just rest."

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

AN: thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming!

This chapter: Dean sees Daddy!Winchester for the first time.

Chapter 9

Warning: hurt!dean; see previous warnings

_fear...rope...cold hard tile...large dirt stained hands..._

Dean jerked awake a few hours later. Sam had dozed off, but startled when he heard Dean panting and shaking.

"Hey." He sat up as he leaned towards her. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She answered in a raspy voice as she forced herself to settle.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He asked with concern.

"No." She said quickly as she looked away for a moment. When she turned back to Sam, she noticed his furrowed brow. "I'm fine. Just cold." She tried to shift in bed, but groaned.

Sam stood up to aid her. "Are you in a lot of pain?" He asked.

Dean did not like to admit it, but she reluctantly nodded her head. Her body was in agony. Everything from her neck down hurt.

"The nurse just stepped out, let me go get her." He said and began to turn away, when he felt Dean's tiny hand weakly grab his arm.

"No!" She said quietly, but forcefully. She cursed herself for her abruptness. "Stay."

"Okay." Sam answered gently as he sat down. "I'm not leaving you, Dean. You know that, right?" His eyes narrowed when she did not answer. "Right?"

"Yeah." She eventually answered as he grasped her hand. She let her eyes drift closed as she concentrated on the calmness she felt with Sam by her side.

After some time, Dean spoke. "Where are we?"

"In a hospital." Sam answered and then smiled when he saw Dean give him a 'duh' look. It was the most Dean-like thing Sam had seen in a long time. It warmed his heart. "We're in LA."

"LA?" She asked with shocked eyes. "How?"

"You were flown here after we found you." Images of her bruised and battered body flooded his mind again. "God, Dean. I'm so sorry..."

Her heart melted at the broken look on her little brother's face. "It's okay, Sammy. I'll be fine." She tried to reassure him.

Sam sat, amazed that in her condition, Dean still managed to take care of his feelings. Always the big brother. "Don't put on a front with me, Dean. They hurt you. It's okay to need help." He worried when he saw Dean gaze down.

"I'm fine..." She responded.

Sam looked worriedly at his brother. Although he was pleased to see her awake and more coherent, she seemed fragile and fearful. He was not sure how she would handle the news that their father was there. But, Sam knew John was eager to see Dean. He took a deep breath. "Dean?"

"Uh?" She said drowsily.

He dropped his head for a moment, before looking directly at her. "Dad's here." He watched as Dean's eyes fully widened. She was staring at him with betrayal in her eyes.

"You promised." Her voice cracked as she felt her eyes water.

"I know, Dean. I didn't call him. After Mason, Stephen Foster called Bobby. Bobby called dad. He showed up after I found you." Sam trailed off.

Her tone fell to a whisper. "I don't want him to see me like this."

"I know, Dean. But, he is really worried about you. He's been here the whole time." He watched as Dean's shoulders slumped in defeat. She knew there was no way around it. She nodded her head, but said nothing. Sam stood and spoke quietly. "I'll get him." He left the room.

* * *

When Sam arrived at the waiting room, John stood up quickly. "How is he?" The eldest Winchester asked.

"She's awake and talking." He hesitated. He did not want to hurt his dad's feelings, but he did not want him blindsided either. "After Dean's curse, dad, she didn't want me to call you." He continued when John did not answer. "I think Dean was embarrassed." He paused. "Just be easy on her, Dad."

"Do you think I'm that insensitive, Sammy? For God sakes, Dean was raped and tortured and you think I would give him a hard time?"

"No! That's not what I meant." Sam shook his head. So many of their conversations ended up in like this. He sighed. "Just...look...I'll wait here." He said as he sat down.

John bit his tongue before he would speak again and say something he regretted. He was torn up about Dean and troubled at how to handle it. Not only did Dean almost die, he was now a woman. He pushed those thoughts out of his head when he entered her room. He was pleased to see the tubes out of her mouth. She was sitting up slightly. She looked so peaceful as she appeared to be sleeping. The nurse motioned him in. John sat down on the bed and watched her for a few moments before speaking.

"Dean?" He said in his low, melodic voice. Dean's eyes opened as she turned to her father.

"Dad." She answered in her hoarse voice.

"Glad you're doing okay..." He trailed off when he almost added 'son'. What does he call him now? He suddenly felt uncomfortable as Dean's emerald green eyes stared at him. She was not speaking. "Are you in pain?"

She nodded. "A little."

"Well, we'll make sure you're comfortable." He tried to smile.

Dean dropped her head as she spoke again. "Why?" She whispered.

"Why, what, Dean?" John was confused.

"Why are you here?" Dean needed to know. After six months of searching and wondering, his father ditching him hurt.

A hurt look fell upon John's face. "How can you ask me that, Dean? I'm your father."

Dean fought to keep her quiet voice steady. "You left me. Without a word." She closed her eyes for a moment to try to fight her emotions. "What did I do?"

John's heart sank at her words. He never wanted Dean to blame himself. The guilt the eldest Winchester felt was overwhelming. John turned to the nurse. "Pam, could we have a few moments alone?" She nodded and stepped out. John followed her out of the corner of his eye to make sure she could not hear them. He turned his attention back to Dean. He spoke calmly. He needed to reassure her. "Dean, I need you to listen to me. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm getting close to finding the Demon." He paused. "I thought it was best to separate to keep you safe. If it tried to go after you, I didn't want it to use you to get to me. You have to understand that Dean. " He hesitated and shakily grasped Dean's thin hand. "None of that matters right now, though. We have to get you better, okay? I'm so sorry you got hurt."

Dean pulled her hand away. "I'm fine." She said with a tense tone.

John worried as he looked at her. He was going to speak again when the doctor walked in. "Hello, Dean. John."

"Dr. Nile." John responded.

"How are you feeling since the tube came out, Dean?"

"My voice." She touched her throat.

"That's normal. That should improve over the next week." He smiled as he walked to her bedside. He took out his stethoscope and placed it on her back after she leaned forward. "Take a deep breath." Dean complied. "Good. Your lungs sound clear. Okay, lay back gently." The doctor aided her. He touched her belly lightly. "Any pain here, Dean?"

"Some." She answered quietly.

"Well, don't be timid about asking for pain medicine. Does your head hurt?" Dean shook her head. "Any confusion?"

"A little."

"Okay, I have a few simple questions to ask. They sound silly, but bare with me." Dean nodded her head. "What's your first name?"

"Dean."

"Do you know where you are?"

"A hospital."

"What year is it?" He then asked.

Dean had to think for a moment. "2006."

"Good, Dean. Well done. Are you having any memory problems?" He watched as she looked down and shrugged her shoulders. "That's normal after going through what you did. We'll monitor all that, okay?" He smiled kindly. "We'll try some sips of liquid today. If you continue to do well throughout the day, we may be able to move you out of intensive care tonight. My colleagues on the regular floor will assume your care." He looked at the two. "Do you have any questions?"

"No." Dean answered. She just wanted him to leave. She felt so tired and needed to rest. After the doctor departed, Dean slowly turned to her side, away from the nurse and her father and tried to sleep.

* * *

Sleep did not come easy to Dean. She was awoken often by the nurse and all the noise in the ICU. She had tolerated some ice chips and water by the time evening rolled around. She was pleased when a transporter arrived to move her to a new room. Her nurse had assured her that she could rest much better there. Dean was quiet as they pushed her bed down the long, sterile corridors. John and Sam followed behind them.

A new nurse introduced herself to Dean. She went over some basics. Dean was happy to learn the foley catheter in her bladder would be removed in the morning and that they would attempt to get her out of bed to walk. As things finally settled, John and Sam bid Dean good night. Visitors were not allowed after 8 pm. John and Sam returned to the waiting room. Dean wanted Sam to stay, but the hospital was strict about the rules.

Dean found herself drifting to sleep. _Screaming...begging...laughter...taunting..._

Dean darted upright and hyperventilated as she waited for her bearings to return. Sweat poured from her face as she looked around with wild eyes. She forced herself to calm down. She tried to shove those images from her mind as she grabbed for the remote. She flicked the TV on. Sleep was her enemy.

* * *

Sam awoke in the morning with a very sore neck. Spending the last few days sleeping on chairs and sofas was starting to take its toll on his muscles. He stretched his long arms and yawned loudly. He watched as his father woke up.

"Man, I need some coffee." Sam spoke.

"I'll get it." John responded. "Do you want anything to eat?"

"Not yet, thanks." John left the waiting room. Sam looked up at the clock. It was nearly 8am. He could go to Dean's room soon. After John returned, Sam spent some time savoring the taste of the fresh coffee. He needed a jolt of energy. As he stood up to walk to Dean's room, a familiar face walked in. Sam was surprised to see her.

"Carol?" He said in a shocked tone.

"Hi, Sam." The kind woman said as he gave her a hug.

"Dad. This is Officer Patterson. She was the one who helped me find Dean." She shook the eldest Winchester hand.

"Thank you." John said quietly.

Sam stomach fluttered for a moment. "No offense, but why are you here? Is something wrong?"

"We're sure it was just those three suspects that we shot. We just need Dean to identify them and give us a statement so we can close the case."

Sam hesitated. "I don't know...she's pretty shook up."

"Whatever she can give us is fine, Sam. This is standard procedure."

After thinking for a time, Sam reluctantly agreed. He walked down with her. He quietly knocked on her door. He saw her sitting up, staring at some juice and jello in front of her. "Dean?" When she looked up at him, he saw the dark circles under her eyes were worse than the day before. She looked like she hardly slept. He stood by her bed. "There's someone who needs to talk to you. She's the person who helped me find you." Sam worried at the blank expression on her face. "She needs to ask you a few questions." He paused. "Is that okay?"

Dean was too fatigued to argue. "Whatever." She said in a detached tone.

Sam gestured to the officer and she walked in.

"Hi Dean, I'm Carol. I'm glad to see you're okay." She attempted to smile. "I just have a few questions and some pictures for you to look at." She held a manila envelope in her hand. Sam picked up Dean's food tray and placed it on the ledge. Carol sat down next to Dean and gently began.

"What can you tell me about that night?"

Dean would not even look at her. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I-I don't really remember."

"How many men were there?"

"Maybe 2 or 3."

"Do you remember how you were taken?" She saw Dean shake her head.

"Their names?"

"No." Dean's voice rose a bit. She sounded agitated. Sam watched from the side. He was becoming increasingly worried about Dean's mental health.

Carol knew that the information may be scarce. She opened up the envelope and placed two sheets of pictures on the tray table. Each one had six mugshots on them. "Do you recognize any of them, Dean?"

Dean fought within herself to not lose it. As she stared at all the mugshots, a few seemed familiar. She just wanted this over. She hesitantly and shakily pointed out three pictures and then turned her head away.

Sam looked at the officer with a pleading eyes. Carol nodded her head and gathered the pictures. "Thank you, Dean. You have been very helpful. Take care of yourself."

"I'll be right back, Dean." Sam insisted and he escorted the officer out.

When they reached the hallway, he looked at Carol. "Did that help?"

"She identified the right ones. That's what I needed."

"Maybe it's a good thing she doesn't remember much." Sam postulated.

"Regardless, Sam." Carol spoke kindly. "Make sure she receives counseling when she leaves here." She reached into her pocket and grabbed her keys.

"Thanks again for everything." Sam attempted to smile as he watched her walk away.

TBC...


	10. Chapter 10

Warning: mentions/implied non-con

This chapter: Dean finally breaks...

Chapter 10

Dean walked slowly back to her bed with the assistance of the nurse. She tried to hide the pain she was in. She just spent the last twenty minutes in the bathroom crying silently as she attempted to use the facilities for the first time since her capture. The aches and soreness were almost unbearable. As the nurse helped lift her fragile, tiny body back onto the bed, Dean groaned slightly.

"Do you need any pain medicine, Dean?" The nurse kindly asked.

"Sure." Dean nearly moaned as she tried to find a comfortable position. She took deep breaths to try to fight back the tears after the nurse left the room. A few minutes later, she looked up to see her brother and father walk in.

"Hey, Dean." Sam said, trying for a cheerful tone. "The nurse said you were up a bit this morning. How did it go?"

Dean clenched her teeth. "Fine," she nearly ground out. The last thing she wanted to do right now was answer questions.

"Did you already have breakfast, Dean?" Her father asked.

"Yes." Dean responded without looking at them.

"I talked to your doctor this morning," Sam began, "he said we could put you in a wheelchair and take you outside." He was concerned when it appeared Dean was not listening. "You know? To get some fresh air?" His eyes narrowed. "Dean? Did you hear me?"

"What?" She asked in a clipped tone.

Sam gazed at his dad for a moment and then took the chair by her bed. "Dean, you need to talk to us. We're worried about you. The last two days since you got out of the ICU, you've barely said anything."

She looked at them with accusatory eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

John hesitated, but spoke. "Dean, if there is anything you need, just tell us so we can help you."

"Anything I need?" Dean's voice rose. "The only thing I need is to find out when I'm getting out of here." Her face was red with anger.

Sam tried to remain calm. "If you want to talk about what happened..."

Dean interrupted. "There's NOTHING to talk about, Sam. I don't remember anything." Her tone was venomous. "I'm just tired! I can't get any rest in a hospital and everyone is asking me a million fucking questions all the time! I'd probably be better if people left me the hell alone!" She panted as her rage seeped through her. Why can't they just leave her be? "If you want to talk to my doctors so much, then ask them when I can go."

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the room. Sam and John did not know what they could do to reach her. With each passing day, Dean was becoming more agitated and despondent.

Dean took a deep breath. "I just want to try to sleep. Okay?" She asked in an almost pleading tone.

John took a good look at her. "Alright, Dean. We'll come back later." He motioned to Sam to follow him out, although Sam clearly wanted to stay.

When the two left the room, Sam turned to his father. "Why did you want to leave? Dean needs us, Dad."

"I know, Sammy. But Dean is stubborn and hovering around will just make it worse."

"I just don't know what to do." Sam said as frustration and worry for Dean overwhelmed him. "Her doctor mentioned that a counselor was going to talk to her today."

John frowned a bit. "A counselor? I don't think Dean will be too receptive to that."

"I know..." Sam responded, "but, after what she's been through? It's worth a shot. She's so angry and I don't think she's even sleeping much." Sam rubbed his eyes. "He...she...God this is so messed up. I don't even know what to say anymore."

John placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "As soon as Dean is released, we'll have time to find a reversal, Sammy. Things will get better after that." John said in a reassuring tone.

Sam turned inquisitive eyes towards his father. "Are you sure, Dad? Do you think that's all it will take?" Sam saw the doubt on his father's face. He looked back at Dean's closed door and then silently followed his dad back to the waiting room.

* * *

Dean was flipping through the TV channels when she heard a knock on the door. She did not bother acknowledging it, because she knew it would not make a difference. She looked out of the corner of her eye to see a middle-aged woman walk through. She had not seen her before. Dean ignored her and continued to watch the television.

"Hello, Dean. I'm Miranda Russell." The brunette smiled at Dean. She waited for a response and when she did not receive one, she continued. "I'm the hospital counselor."

Dean rolled her eyes slightly as she shook her head. "You're a shrink?" She asked with disdain in her voice.

"No, I am not a psychiatrist. I'm a licensed crisis counselor."

"Great." Dean sarcastically mumbled to herself.

"I thought I would come talk to you...see how things are going."

"Peachy." Dean replied softly and sighed. "Look, do we really have to do this?"

"I'm here for you, Dean. I wanted to let you know that after suffering the kind of trauma you have, it sometimes helps to talk about it with someone."

"There's nothing to say." Dean replied tensely. "I don't remember."

"That's alright. We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to."

"Fine." Dean said as she turned her attention back to the TV. After some time, as she flipped through more channels, she spoke again. "Are you just going to sit there? Let me repeat: I. Have. Nothing. To. Say." She was beginning to feel angry. 'Who does this chick think she is?' Dean thought to herself.

"Well, Dean," Miranda stood, "I'll come visit tomorrow." She smiled warmly. "It was nice meeting you." She walked out of the room.

"Oh, you too." Dean spit out after she left the room.

* * *

Dean sat in a wheelchair as Sam pushed her through the corridors of the hospital. Sam was rambling about something, but Dean did not pay attention. They entered an elevator and went to the ground floor. Sam wheeled her through a set of glass doors and into a garden. Dean hands went immediately over her eyes. The sun shone bright above them. After she adjusted to the glaring light, she tilted her head up, closed her eyes, and felt the warm southern California rays seep through her. Unfortunately this feeling was short lived; she was interrupted by Sam's voice.

"Dean?"

She slowly opened her eyes. "What?"

"I asked you a question."

"Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I said, how do you like finally being outside?" Sam was really trying.

"It's good." Dean looked away from her brother.

"Dean, please talk to me."

"What's with this need for everyone to talk, Sam? You, dad, that god damn counselor."

"We're just concerned about you. We want to know how you are doing." Sam's puppy dog eyes watered slightly.

"Jesus, Sam." Dean chuckled bitterly. "I'm in a hospital. Apparently, according to the doctors, I was in a coma and almost died. How do you think I am?" She paused. "I'm dealing. Everyone just needs to leave me alone."

"Dean..."

"Just stop. Okay? Stop." Dean's eyes pleaded with her brother. "Look, Sammy. I'm tired. Can you take me back to my room?" Dean crossed her arms signaling the end to the conversation.

* * *

Dean found herself drifting to sleep in the late morning the next day. She heard a knock on the door. 'Not again', she thought to herself.

"Hi, Dean." The counselor said with a cheery voice as she walked into the room for the second day.

"Unbelievable." Dean muttered. She was ready to punch someone.

"How are you today?" Miranda asked as she sat next to her bed.

Dean mustered some fake enthusiasm as she smirked, "Great!"

"Look, Dean. I don't want you to think you have to act a certain way around me. I just want to help you deal with what happened. That's all. I've been helping people with this sort of trauma for almost twenty years. It's hard and difficult at first, but talking about it helps in the long run."

"Look, I'm sure you're nice and all, but there's no reason to talk about that. I don't recall anything, so what's the point?" She said as she gazed away.

"Well, we can talk about something else if you want." She paused. "I met your brother and father." She stopped when Dean's eyes widened.

"You talked to them about me?" She panted slightly.

"No. Whatever we talk about is strictly between you and me, Dean. I simply introduced myself to them." She watched how Dean calmed. "They really care about you."

"Yeah." Dean said quietly.

"It's probably hard to share your feelings with them, though. Isn't it?" Dean hesitated for a time, but then reluctantly nodded. "But you do realize that they are just worried about you?" Dean nodded again.

Dean bit her lip. "Sammy keeps asking me to talk to him. But, I just..." She looked down as she trailed off and began to stare at her hands.

"Are you two close?" Miranda asked after some time. Dean nodded. "Who's older?"

"I am...by four years." Dean answered quietly. "He keeps pushing, wanting me to 'share'. He doesn't understand that there isn't anything say. I got hurt. I'll get over it. I don't need him fussing over me all day. "

"It isn't always that easy, Dean. He was probably scared for you. He's worried."

"It's just not right. I'm the one who supposed be worrying about him." Dean began wringing her hands.

"Does that bother you? As the older sibling, having your younger brother in a caregiver role?"

Dean looked up. "What? Why would that bother me? That's just psychobabble, lady."

"I don't want to upset you, Dean. Many siblings have certain defined roles and once one steps outside of it, it can be hard to handle."

"Whatever." Dean answered. She did not feel like talking anymore. The two sat in silence for the next fifteen minutes. Miranda cleared her throat and stood.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Dean glared at her back as she walked away.

* * *

Sam and John sat in the cafeteria the next morning. Dean's doctors had just informed them that she was to be released tomorrow.

John looked at his youngest. "I talked to Phil Bartlett yesterday." He noticed Sam's furrowed brow. "Phil is a demon hunter in the midwest area."

"Oh? Are you going there for a job?" Sam tried to hide the concern in his voice. His dad was leaving again. His stomach was in knots.

"He has a vacation lake house near Travers City, Michigan. He said we could use it indefinitely while Dean recovers."

"We?" Sam asked with hope in his eyes.

John nodded. "It should be a good, remote region for Dean to get her strength back and hopefully find a reversal."

"I thought you would leave; return to the Demon trail."

"Eventually, I will, Sammy. And you two will understand why I have to do it alone." He held his hand up when Sam was going to interject. "But for now, we need to get Dean well and back to normal. Together. As a family." John heart warmed when Sam genuinely smiled at him.

* * *

Dean had spent another night awake. Her nightmares were so vivid that she forced herself to not fall asleep. She felt weary and tired as she stood by the window. Suddenly, she heard a knock on the hospital door. 'That's one persistent chick', she thought to herself when the counselor walked in.

"Hi, Dean."

"You don't give up, do you?" Dean asked without turning around to greet her.

"Like I said, I just want to help." She took her customary seat. "I hear you are being discharged tomorrow. That's great news."

"Yeah." Dean answered softly.

"Once you leave, I can suggest a few outpatient counselors for you to see." Dean did not answer her. "Whatever happens, Dean, find someone to talk to. You may need it." She paused. "Eventually, I hope you will realize that what happened was not your fault. And that one day, it is possible to heal and move on."

Dean's eyes teared as she clenched her fists at her side.

"Just leave." Her voice wavered.

"Dean, please." Miranda stood and walked over to Dean. She kept enough room between them to not crowd her. "It's okay to talk about it."

"Please. Just go away." Dean whispered as a tear escaped her eye.

"No one will judge you, Dean. What happened was not your fault."

"But if I hadn't gone off then..." Dean trailed off as she shook her head. "No...no...I can't..." She covered her face with her hands.

* * *

John and Sam finalized the plans and walked back to visit Dean. Sam was about to open the door to Dean's room, when the nurse stopped them. She informed them that the counselor was there. They nodded and stood by the door to wait until the session was over.

* * *

"Don't be afraid, Dean." Miranda spoke softly and gently. "They can't hurt you anymore. The police took care of that. Let us help you. It doesn't make you weak; in fact, it takes strength to allow people to help you. Especially those who love you the most."

"I can't...I can't..." Dean started crying and shaking. "Just go...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

John and Sam startled when they heard Dean yelling. They both had panicked eyes when they burst into her room. They saw Dean's hands covering her face, sobbing. She stood by the window, her tiny body dwarfed by the hospital gown. John stepped towards her.

"Dean?" He said with concern as he tried to reach for her.

Dean gasped and took a hasty step back. Her bloodshot eyes were wild as she tried to focus on her father. She sounded like a little girl. "Daddy? I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." Tears continued to pour down her face.

John tried to remain calm. He was not sure how to comfort her. "Sorry for what, Dean?"

"I tried...to fight them...but I couldn't...not like this..." she gestured at her now female body. "Not like this...I couldn't fight them..." She tried to take deep breaths, but she started hyperventilating.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Dean. They hurt you. It wasn't your fault."

"I was so scared..." Dean felt weak as she reached out to the window ledge for support. She found herself sliding down until she was kneeling on the floor. She wrapped her thin arms around herself as she looked down. Sam took a chance and knelt beside her. "Sammy..." She whispered as she felt his presence.

"I'm here, Dean. I'm here." He reached out and grasped her hand.

"I was so scared..." She softly spoke as Sam felt her hot tears falling onto his hand. She forced herself to swallow and she began quietly. "I-I got a flat tire. This couple tried to help me and I said I didn't n-need their help. S-someone else stopped...but I-I couldn't see with the bright lights." Her breathing started to pick up. "I think they hit me over the head. Next thing I know...I was in some house..." She stopped for a time. Sam squeezed her hand tighter to let her know that he was still there. "I can still hear them laughing...taunting..." Her sobs returned in full force. She let go of Sam's hands for a moment as she lightly grasped her neck. "Their big hands on my neck...they said they were going to kill me, but not until t-they'd h-had their fun..." She closed her eyes and shook her head, as if that would make all the memories disappear. "T-they...they..." She could not form the words. "They...again and again..." She whispered. She wanted to look up at her brother and father but was too scared to. The shame and fear she felt was almost too much to bare.

Sam's lips were clenched tight as his face became a crimson red. Tears poured from his eyes as he heard her talk; John's eyes had a murderous glare to them.

"I can still feel them...it won't go away...every time I close my eyes...they're there...I don't want to remember!" She looked up, her eyes pleading. "I've tried! But it won't go away!" She was becoming hysterical. "I couldn't fight! I wasn't s-strong enough!" Sam inched closer to her and she fell into his chest. "Sammy...make it go away! Make it go away...please..." Sam clutched her to him like his life depended on it. There was nothing he could say to comfort her at that moment. He gently stroked her hair and rocked her as she cried.

TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

Warning: mentions/implied non-con; hurt!dean

AN: The beginning part of the chapter is transitional...so bare with me...as it progresses we'll get to the good, emo stuff...

Also, thanks for the reviews last chapter!

This chapter: it's mostly about papa!winchester/protective!john

Dean stayed in the hospital an extra day. Her doctors thought some time with the counselor would be helpful and they wanted to make sure she could tolerate solids foods well.

Dean stood in front of the mirror in her room. She was dressed in a white t-shirt and loose, gray sweat pants. Her jeans felt too restrictive and she was still very sore. She glanced up and stared at her pale reflection for the first time since since her attack. Dean was still shocked to see a female version of himself. She grabbed a hairbrush and calmly brushed her shoulder length blond hair. Her eyes watered as she faced the uncertainty of what would happen next. So many questions and conflicting feelings swirled around in her head that it almost made her feel dizzy. She leaned over the sink and placed her hand to steady herself. She turned to the door after hearing a light knock.

"Hi, Dean." The counselor smiled as she walked in.

"Miranda." Dean answered.

"Big day, huh?" She walked over to her. Dean bit her lip and nodded her head as she looked down.

"It's normal to feel nervous." She tried to reassure Dean.

"Yeah?" Dean asked with hope in her voice.

Miranda nodded. "You still have a lot to deal with and you may feel that you're not sure how to pick up your normal routine again." Dean nodded but did not say anything. Miranda reached into her purse and pulled out a card. "When you settle in Michigan, I still suggest you find a counselor." She handed her card to Dean. "Until you find someone, feel free to call me. Anytime. My cell phone number is on the back as well."

Dean stood speechless for a time as she looked at the card. "I can't ask that of you." She reached to give it back.

"It's okay, Dean. Really. Keep it. Just in case."

Dean looked at it again. She gazed up and spoke quietly, with gratitude. "Thank you." She tried to keep the emotion from her voice.

"No problem." Miranda lightly patted Dean's arm. "You take care of yourself, Dean." She smiled and left the room.

Sam entered as the counselor left. "Hey." He said with a smile on his face. "Are you ready?" He walked over to the window sill and grabbed Dean's small bag.

"Yeah." She responded quietly as she slowly walked towards him. She still felt awkward with movement. Her nurse came into the room with a wheelchair.

"Well, this is it, Dean." She said kindly.

"What's that for?" Dean asked as she stared at the chair.

"We usually wheel patients downstairs upon discharge. Hospital policy." Dean slightly rolled her emerald green eyes, but complied. She said nothing as she traveled through the hospital. They reached the main exit and Dean saw her father's truck parked in front of the Impala. The nurse stopped the wheelchair and placed the brakes on. Sam helped Dean stand and walked her to the passenger side of the Chevy. Dean wanted to protest, but she realized that Sam was only trying to be helpful. Dean glanced at her father before sitting down. For a moment, she felt at peace when she caressed the worn leather seats of her beloved vehicle. That feeling was replaced by nervous flutters over what the future would hold.

Sam went over to talk to John briefly and then returned. He started the engine. "Ready, Dean?" The older Winchester gave her brother a small smile and with that, they began their journey to Michigan.

* * *

They took almost one week to drive to their destination. Driving was hard for Dean. She was still in a fair amount of pain and needed to rest often. Instead of the usual flea bag motels they were all accustomed to, John and Sam made sure Dean's accommodations were above the average. They never left her alone and Dean felt comforted by that.

The three felt relief when they pulled up to the house. It was a gray two story home and behind it was a large lake. As Dean stared at the body of water, she couldn't help but think of Lake Minotac. 'Hopefully there are no spirits in this water.' She thought to herself. Her internal monologue was interrupted by Sam calling her name. Dean followed the two inside the home. They stood in the rustic, spacious kitchen surveying the space.

"Pretty nice." Sam said quietly as he watched his Dad rustle through his bag. He took out an EMF detector.

"Just a precaution." John mumbled as he started walking through the entire home. After five minutes, he returned. "Okay the house is clean. We should unpack. Dean, you can take the bedroom down here and Sam and I can use the two upstairs."

Dean's eyes widened. She looked at Sam, but did not say anything. Sam spoke to John. "Why don't Dean and I take the ones upstairs, Dad?" Sam understood that Dean would not want to be on the first floor alone. He saw Dean let out a large breath.

"I just thought that you might not want to use the stairs, but that's fine." John replied. "After we get settled, I'll go find us some food." Sam nodded and grabbed his bag and Dean's and they proceeded up the stairs. They walked up slowly, to give Dean time to adjust. Mild pains shot through her and she panted a bit when they reached the top. The two bedrooms were across the hall from each other, with a bathroom at the end.

"Do you have a preference, Dean?"

"No." She replied as she entered one. She went immediately to the bed and sat down to rest. She wiped at the slight amount of perspiration on her brow. Sam placed her bag at the foot of the bed. His heart ached as he noticed how fragile she looked. All he wanted to do was take her into his arms and hold her. But, he was afraid.

Dean looked up and squirmed slightly at the scrutiny in which Sam watched her. She spoke quietly. "Thanks, Sammy."

His eyes warmed. "For what, Dean?" He asked and then took a chance and sat by her on the bed.

"For downstairs." She smiled sadly. "It's stupid, but..." She looked down at her lap.

"It's not a problem." Sam knew how much Dean did not like to admit any insecurities; he did not want her to feel self conscious. "I'd feel better if you were up here with me anyway." He smirked and laughed lightly when she grinned and elbowed him in the ribs.

* * *

The Winchesters fell into a routine after the first few weeks. Despite the fact that they had the money Sam and Dean earned from their job in Mason, California, John decided to get a job; he wanted the two to save the money to use when they resumed hunting. It was rare for them to stay in place for longer than a few days, so credit card scams would be less successful. John worked at a small garage in town as a mechanic during the week. During the evening and on weekends, he and Sam researched Dean's gender change. He also used his time off to reconnect with his children as well. He and Sam had come to somewhat of an understanding. He realized they would never see eye to eye on many things. But, the one subject they agreed on was Dean.

Dean. John sighed when he thought of his eldest. He still wasn't sure how to deal with this. Dean's once cocky exterior had vanished all together. In its place was almost a shell of what he used to be. Dean was now sullen and quiet. John was not sure if it was the combination of the gender change and the subsequent trauma that produced the Dean that he and Sam saw everyday. Most attempts at conversation with her were one sided at best. She spent a lot of time sleeping. When they arrived, she was excited at the prospect of cable television, so she often sat in the den in front of the TV. When she was in the mood for fresh air, Dean lounged outside on a bench facing the lake.

Sam had tried to convince Dean to see the local counselor, but Dean refused. In fact, she would not even leave the house. One night, they had suggested going to town for dinner, but she brushed off those requests. John and Sam felt helpless as they watched Dean.

* * *

John walked into the kitchen after work to find Sam cleaning the dishes from dinner.

"Hey." Sam said quietly.

"Hi." John said. "Sorry, I'm late."

"I left dinner in the fridge for you."

John's stomach rumbled. He roughly opened the refrigerator and grabbed the plate of spaghetti. He removed the plastic wrap and stuck it in the microwave. As he waited for the timer to ring, he turned to his youngest.

"Did Dean eat?" John asked with concern in his voice.

Sam shrugged. "Barely." His shoulders showed his tension. "She went to bed early. She seemed really tired tonight." John had no response. The story always seemed the same. Sam turned to face his father; his eyes full of pain. "She's not getting better."

John twirled the pasta on his fork, but made no move to place it in his mouth. "I know, Sammy." John reluctantly admitted, feeling like a failure.

"She's got to see a counselor, because she won't talk to me about it." Sam continued as he rubbed his eyes vigorously. He felt emotionally exhausted. John looked up and noticed the fragile state of his youngest.

"Things will eventually get better." John tried to reassure him.

"I don't know anymore." Sam nearly whispered. He wanted so badly to help her, if she would let him.

"We just have to try harder to get her to see someone." He paused. "As far as her change, there are scores of demons who have the capability to change gender. Without much more to go on, it's like finding a needle in the haystack." Sam looked as if he was about to cry. "Sammy, why don't you go get some fresh air. You've been couped up all day. Okay?"

Sam nodded absently. "Actually, we need some food. Why don't I go to the store?" Sam grabbed the keys to the Impala and went towards the door.

"Sounds like an idea." John answered as he turned his attention back to his food. He ate quickly an cleaned his dish. Times like these, he wished he still drank. The oblivion he could feel after some Jack Daniels sounded appealing right now. But, he did not want to go down that road again. His children deserved better.

He returned to his room and showered. He felt refreshed as he reentered the kitchen. He sat down with his journal and some demon reference books. After some time, he stopped. He thought he heard a noise. He brushed it off, but then he heard it again. He got up and realized it came from upstairs.

Dean shifted restlessly in her sleep as the nightmare occupied her sleep. She panted and began to sweat at the images assaulting her. "No...no..." she moaned in her sleep. "Help me...help me..." Her voice began to rise. "HELP ME! SAMMY! PLEASE!" She shook violently.

At the sounds of her screams, John bolted up to her room. He ran into the dark room and tried to calm her down as he grasped her shoulders. "Dean! Wake up!" He said forcefully.

Her eyes were clenched shut as her head rolled back and forth. "No! No!" Her eyes shot open as she realized someone was holding her arms. "NO!" She shouted as she used her legs to kick whomever it was in the chest.

John fell onto the floor. Dean scrambled from the bed and reached for a hunting knife she placed on top of the drawer. She went to the corner of the room and held the knife in front of her with shaky hands.

"Dean." John stood and tried to calmly speak. He could make out her silhouette in the moonlight. She was panting wildly and her eyes were closed. "It's me...your father." He leaned closer as he heard her mumbling.

"Christo...christo...christo..." She muttered under her breath as her fear continue to grip her.

"I'm not a demon, Dean." John replied. "You're safe...nothing will get you here." John knew Dean's attackers were human, but he made sure to salt all the windows to reassure her that this house was a safe haven. "I'm going to turn the light on." He told her every move he would make. After illuminating the room, he saw her crouching in the corner, still holding the knife. "Open your eyes, Dean."

"Don't touch me...don't..." Her voice was unsteady and broken." "I-I'll kill you first..." She whispered.

John took a chance and knelt in front of her. He saw her trying to plaster herself even more against the wall. "Open your eyes, Dean. You're safe."

Dean slowly fluttered her eyes open. Her focus still seemed a little off. It took some time, but then she realized she was staring into her father's concerned eyes.

"Give me the knife, Dean." John said softly and extended his hand.

Dean looked down at the knife and eventually handed it over to him. Her voice hitched and she began to cry. John leaned forward and embraced her. He sat back onto the floor and held onto her tightly as he cradled her in his lap.

"It's okay..." He said as he gently stroked her hair. "It was just a bad dream." He closed his eyes. He had not held Sam or Dean like this since they were young children.

* * *

Sam walked into the kitchen with grocery bags tow. He saw no activity, just his dad's journal spread out onto the table. He looked in the den and his dad's bedroom, but did not find him. He heard some muffled noise and journeyed upstairs. He stood at Dean's door.

"It was just a bad dream, Dean. They can't get you anymore." He kept saying as he slowly rocked Dean back and forth. She was still sobbing as her head lay on his chest. He waited for her to start to calm.

Sam's heart broke as he watched the scene before him. He was so worried about Dean and a little confused. A jealous feeling enveloped him as he saw his father embracing her. He shouldn't feel like that; he was ashamed to even have those thoughts. He tried to shake them away.

John continued to speak to Dean. "I'm going to get up, Dean." He maneuvered in a way that he stood up with her petite body still enveloped in his arms. He walked over to her bed and placed her back in. He sat down on her bed and he placed her comforter over her; he smiled as he gently wiped her stray tears. "It was just a dream." His low voice reiterated. Dean nodded her head slightly. "Why don't you try to go back to sleep."

Dean's green eyes still shone with unshed tears. She looked up at her dad and whispered, her voice slightly slurred from fatigue. "Can you stay...until..." She hated the weakness she showed, but felt comforted that her father was there.

"Of course." John stood and walked over to grab the chair at the small desk. He placed it next to her bed and sat down. When she was sure John wouldn't leave, Dean turned her body away and curled into the fetal position. Hopefully sleep would come soon.

* * *

John waited until he was sure Dean was in a deep sleep. He turned the light to the lamp on and shut off the overhead one. If she had another bad dream, he did not want her to awaken in the dark. He returned to the kitchen to find Sam there drinking some coffee. John walked towards the counter and poured himself a cup. He placed the mug down and placed his arms on the counter. All of a sudden, he felt rage within him. He turned quickly to Sam and spoke in a low, menacing tone. "Are you sure the police got all those fuckers?" The look in his eyes even scared Sam for a moment.

"Yes. Dean ID'ed three men and that's how many they shot and killed in the raid."

"Because I swear to God, if they were alive...I'd hunt them down myself and kill each and every one of them...slowly...painfully..." John was seething. He took some time to calm himself.

John cleared his throat. "We have to talk to Dean tomorrow. Something has to give. She can't go on like this." Sam nodded in agreement.

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12

This chapter: Finally...some moments between Sam and Dean.

Warning: Wincest

Long chapter ahead...

Chapter 12

The next morning, John stood in the kitchen making breakfast. Sam walked in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Morning." He mumbled.

"Sam." John said as he reached for the coffee machine and poured three cups of coffee.

"Where's Dean?" Sam asked.

"She's outside by the lake." John answered as he handed a cup to him. "Watch the pancakes for me, Sammy."

"Why?"

"I'm going to go talk to Dean." The eldest Winchester did not give Sam a chance to question him. He grabbed the other two mugs and exited the back door. John walked down the long steps and onto the back deck, where Dean sat staring at the water. She looked so small and vulnerable.

Dean was so caught up in her thoughts that she did not hear her father approaching. She startled at his voice.

"Dean." He said softly.

She remembered the events of the previous night and felt embarrassed. She could barely look at him. She accepted the mug that was offered. "Thanks." She replied quietly as she took a sip and then placed it down on the deck.

John sat down next to her. "We need to talk."

"About what?" She tried to play it off.

"Dean, you know what I mean." He paused as she glanced away. John was in new territory here. In the past, he never felt the need to confront his children over most matters. They were men, they did not need to 'talk it out.' At least that was the kind of relationship he had with Dean. Now, he was confused on how to approach this version of his son. He cleared his throat. "I can't begin to understand what you are going through..."

Dean interrupted. "Dad, please..." Her voice begged as her eyes watered.

"No, Dean. I don't want to avoid it anymore. I don't know how to help you. If you can't talk to me or Sammy, then maybe it might help to talk to someone else."

"I just need some time." She said as she stared down at her trembling hands.

"And you'll get all the time you need. But, not sleeping or eating well is taking its toll on you. I'm worried about you, Dean."

She looked up at him. "I know."

"I hope you do. Sam and I just want to help you get better." The two fell into silence for some time. John sipped on his coffee, while he watched Dean out of the corner of his eye. It looked as if she wanted to speak, so he gave her all the time she needed.

"Dad?" She began as she continued to stare out at the lake.

"Yeah?"

She bit her lip before replying. "I-I've noticed you looking at me strangely...is it because of what happened? Are you ashamed of me?" She hung her head. Since arriving at the lake house, on occasion, when John gazed at her, she could not gage his expression; it was like he saw her but then felt the need to look away. Or at times, the intensity in which he watched her was too much. She never felt threatened over it, she just did not understand.

He gently turned her towards him. "Listen to me, what happened to you was NOT your fault. I'm proud of how you have handled yourself." He paused as he felt his voice hitch. He spoke quietly. "Sometimes, when I see you...you look so much like your mother..." He felt his eyes water as he fiddled with his wedding ring. "There are some days when I almost forget how beautiful she was. And seeing you like this..." He sniffed slightly.

Dean nodded her head, now finally understanding. "What if I stay like this forever? What are we going to do?"

"We'll reverse it, Dean." John said with conviction. "And if we don't, we'll deal with it. Just like we've dealt with everything." Dean appreciated his support. At that moment, she felt warmed to not feel so alone. To be with her brother and father meant the world to her.

"Thanks." She whispered quietly as she leaned against her dad. John slipped his arm around her thin frame and patted her arm. The two fell silent as they looked upon the still lake.

* * *

John walked back into the kitchen after some time. He found Sam setting the table. "Everything okay?" The youngest asked. "Where is she?" 

"I told her to come up in a few minutes. She wanted a little more time to herself."

"What did you tell her?"

"That she needs to see a counselor if she can't talk to either of us."

"And?"

"We'll see. I'm hoping she will..." He was going to continue, but then John heard his cell phone ring. He grabbed it from the kitchen counter top. "John Winchester." He paused. "Caleb?...yeah...we're at Bartlett's house in Michigian...Dean's doing as well as can be expected, thanks...yeah...Illinois?"

Sam's ears perked up as he watched his father.

"Uh huh..." John went over to his journal. "Go on...there hasn't been a sighting of that in almost 30 years...how many?..." John closed his eyes for a moment. "Yeah...thanks...I'll let you know...take care of yourself...bye..." John shut his phone and looked at his journal again.

"What?" Sam asked.

"There's a Sturge demon outside of Skokie, Illinois. It's managed to kill ten people over the last few weeks." He said as he closed his journal and began gathering a few things.

"Wait? You're going?" Sam said with a clipped tone.

"I have to Sammy. I'm the closest one to it right now. We can't let any more innocents die."

"But...what about Dean?" Sam nearly added himself; it almost scared him how he had come to rely on his father's presence over the last few weeks.

John sighed. "I don't want to leave, but it's our responsibility to help people."

"Screw responsibility! She needs you here. You promised that you were going to stay."

"I haven't once looked for something to hunt, Samuel. Despite the reasons that brought us together, I know my place is with you two right now. But, some things can't be helped. These people need us." John was starting to grow impatient.

Sam looked away. His nostrils flared as his face tightened. "Well, I hope you have the balls to tell her to her face. Last time, you just took off without a word to Dean."

"Now, wait a minute Sam..." John's anger started to rise as he stalked towards his youngest. "I'm still your father and you will respect me and accept my decisions."

Sam stared back at him as his chest heaved. "Fine, SIR. But, YOU'LL be the one to tell her, NOT me..." he was interrupted by the kitchen door opening and Dean walking through.

"Tell me what?" Dean asked with innocent eyes as she surveyed the scene. John and Sam were in each others' faces. She knew she had just walked in on a classic Winchester battle of wills. Neither answered as she saw Sam gaze away and John look down. She saw his cell phone and journal in his hand. "Oh." She said with no expression on her face. "You're leaving." She said quietly as she felt her heart drop suddenly.

John reluctantly nodded. "Caleb called. There's a Sturge demon in Illinois. It's killed ten people so far. I should only be gone a few days."

Dean fought against her eyes tearing. She wanted to appear strong, but she felt conflicted. She knew they needed to help people, but she was selfish. She wanted her family here. "Yeah...sure." Her voice was monotone. She placed her mug on the table and walked out of the room. She stopped when she heard Sam's voice.

"Dean. Breakfast is ready."

"I'm not hungry." She continued on and went to lay down in her room.

* * *

Sam felt the walls of the lake house closing in on him. John had been gone a day, and Dean had barely left her room or eaten. She kept telling Sam that she was just tired and needed to rest. The youngest Winchester felt desperate to break through the walls she had constructed. He formulated a plan, and only hoped it would not be too extreme. But, Dean could not continue like this. 

He went upstairs and showered. He dressed in his usual attire: a pair of jeans and a short sleeved shirt with a long sleeved one over that. As he stared at his face in the bathroom mirror, he took a deep breath. "I hope this works." He mumbled to himself as he checked his hair. He walked over to Dean's room and knocked lightly.

"Dean?" He said quietly.

"What?" He heard her respond.

"Can I come in?" He waited outside the door for a time. Finally he heard her say yes and he entered.

Dean lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. "What do you want?" She asked as she sat up. She looked at his shower fresh appearance and quirked her eyebrow. "Where are you going?"

"To town. I'm sick of being in this house. I need fresh air." Sam responded.

Dean's eyes widened as she felt her heart speed up. "But..." She could not even continue.

"What?" He answered gently. "It might do you some good, as well."

Dean shook her head. "I don't want to go out." She said as she crossed her arms.

"Well Dean, we have no food. So we'd have to go out anyway." He paused before continuing. "Unless, you want to stay here and I'll go."

Dean's eyes narrowed when she realized what her brother was up to. Sam was stubborn and she realized she would not win this argument.

Sam watched the emotions flickering across Dean's face. He knew he was manipulating her and playing upon her fear of being alone, but something had to give. Whatever he and John were doing was not working. Dean stood from the bed and stalked over to her drawer. She grabbed some undergarments, a pair of jeans, and a shirt. She looked up at her younger brother and with cold eyes she said, "You're an asshole, Sam." With that she went down to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Sam stared at the closed door for a minute, turned, and went down to the den to wait for her. That was the most Dean-like statement Sam had heard in almost a month. He couldn't help the small smile of victory that traversed his face.

* * *

The car ride to town was enveloped in an uncomfortable silence. Dean was practically pouting in the front seat; her crossed arms and demeanor screamed, 'Don't fuck with me.' 

Sam did not push her; he was simply happy that he got her outside of the house.

He parked the car near Main Street. The doors of the Impala creaked as they stepped out. Dean walked over to Sam. "Well, now that you've dragged me out, what the hell are we going to do?" She spit out. Dean knew inside that she was being unfair to Sam. She just thought that he understood that she needed time and that she would work through it on her own. To have her hand forced to leave the house...it just seemed too much of a John tactic. Maybe they were more similar than they thought.

Sam ignored the anger in her voice. He was determined for her to enjoy herself tonight. "Whatever you want. Are you hungry?" He asked.

"No." She answered curtly as she looked around the main town.

Sam tried to keep his patience. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Sam shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. "Fine. Then you won't care if we go to the Greek restaurant up the street." He chuckled to himself. Dean hated any sort of ethnic food. Sam thinks that Dean's years of traveling through small towns only allowed him to appreciate good, old American fare. He saw Dean purse her lips.

"You know I don't like Greek food." Her eyes were shooting daggars as she crossed her arms again.

"What difference does it make? You said you're not hungry." Sam watched as Dean's face reddened.

"Damn it, Sam!" She threw her arms up in the air as she paced. "What do you want from me!"

"I want you to have a little fun! I want you to get out of the house!" Sam panted as he felt his emotions overwhelm him. His eyes teared as he gently grasped her shoulders. "I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do, Dean. But, it's not healthy. Locking yourself away like you are. I want to help you...in any way that you let me." He stepped back as she shrugged his arms off her shoulders. She turned away from him. "Don't shut me out, Dean."

When she faced him again, he had such a sad look in his eyes. Dean could never resist his puppy eyes. "Sam..." She said in an exasperated tone. "Fine. We'll eat something." She stared walking up the street and soon, Sam caught up with her. Things were by no means resolved, but Sam hoped this was a step in the right direction.

* * *

Dean had settled on a bar and grill. There was not an overwhelming amount of conversation between the two at dinner, but things felt less tense when they exited the restaurant. As they began sauntering down the street, Dean turned to her brother. "So I guess we're not going back yet." 

"Nope." Sam said with a smile. Dean wanted to punch that grin off his face. "Where to next, Dean?" He asked, ignoring her sigh of frustration.

"Whatever, dude." She said as she looked around and spotted a coffee shop. "Over there." She pointed out. Sam held the door open and chuckled when he heard her scowl. They got to the counter and perused the extensive coffee menu.

"Can I help you?" The clerk asked.

Sam turned to Dean. Normally the eldest Winchester enjoyed his coffee strong and black, but his newly acquired female constitution had changed his palate a bit. She thought for a moment. She brushed a long blond lock away from her face and bit her lip. Sam couldn't help to half harden at the sight of her. He really needed to get a grip.

"Um, I'll have a frappacino. Vanilla. Extra whip cream." She gazed at Sam out of the corner of her eye, challenging him to dare to make fun of her drink choice. When she realized he was not going to , she relaxed a bit.

"Café latte, with an extra shot of espresso, please." Sam ordered and paid. Dean grabbed a few napkins. "I'll wait here if you want to grab a seat." He said to Dean. She agreed and chose a table near the window. Sam was still in her sight of vision, so she felt comfortable and safe.

Sam watched her as she walked away. After seeing where she sat, he turned back to the clerk, who handed him his change. The teenager proceeded to make the drinks. After a few minutes, he handed them to Sam.

"Dude, you're girlfriend is so freakin' hot." The young boy said. Sam felt himself blushing and laughed nervously. He turned and glanced at Dean for a moment.

Dean sat at the table waiting impatiently for her coffee. She looked up to see Sam laughing and he and the clerk looking over at her. She sat stunned, upset they were talking about her. She tried to take a few calming breaths as Sam made his way towards her.

"One frappacino." He handed the cool beverage to her and sat down.

"What was that about?" She asked in an angry tone.

"What was what about?" Sam was confused.

"You were talking about me. I saw you laughing."

Sam smiled. "Oh that? That was no big deal."

"Really? Because I think it is. If you were making fun of me..." A hurt look traversed her face.

Sam interrupted. "Why would I do that?" Sam sighed. "Dean, he told me he thought you were gorgeous." Dean's eyes widened. "Actually, his exact words were, 'Dude, you're girlfriend is so freakin' hot.'"

"What? Your girlfriend?" Dean was shocked. "And you told him I was your brother...um, your sister?" Sam shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from his coffee. "You mean you didn't tell him that?"

"Does it matter?" Sam asked honestly. "Does it bother you that someone thought we were dating or that someone found you attractive?" He saw as Dean looked down and away. "Because you are, you know." He continued, his voice almost a whisper.

"What?" She asked.

"Attractive." Sam responded.

"Sam, don't." Dean sounded like she was begging. After what happened to her, she felt disgusting and shamed.

Sam realized that Dean was getting upset, so he put an end to the conversation. "Anyway, I did tell him that you were my sister and he asked for your number; but, I told him you were taking a break from the dating game right now." He smiled at her and his heart felt warmed when she smiled back.

They finished their coffees and stepped into the chilly night air. Sam saw Dean shivering a bit, so he took off his flannel shirt and handed it to Dean. She hesitated at first, but acquiesced in the end. The garment was so big that Dean could wrap herself three times around if she wanted to. As she placed the shirt on, she closed her eyes as she was bombarded with Sammy's smell: it was a mixture of cologne and fresh soap. It was comforting.

"Why don't we go back now." Sam said as he noted how tired Dean looked. They walked to the car under the beautiful moonlight. The night was clear and crisp. Dean nodded off on the ride home. When they arrived, Sam gently awakened her. She looked up into his face and smiled. The two walked into the house and immediately went up the stairs to their respective rooms. As Dean was about to close her door to change for bed, she spoke.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Um. Nothing. Good night." She hesitated before closing her door abruptly.

Sam stood at his door for a moment before closing his own. After he changed into flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt he sat on his bed. He had an overwhelming urge to go talk to her, but he was not sure if she'd still be awake. "Screw it." He said as he stood up and went to Dean's door. He was about to knock, when her door opened.

"Oh!" Dean exclaimed as she nearly ran into Sam.

"Sorry to scare you, Dean." He said as he turned his eyes away from her. He couldn't concentrate when he saw her in a white tank top and sleeping pants.

"It's okay. I was just coming to talk to you."

Sam arched his eyebrow. "Oh? Well, me too." He gestured into her room and followed Dean in. She sat down on her bed and Sam stayed near the door.

"I wanted to thank you...for...um...tonight..." She felt herself inexplicably flush with embarrassment.

"You're welcome. Thanks for hanging out with me." He smiled widely as he gazed into her beautiful face. There were a few awkward moments when neither of them said anything. Sam nodded his head and said, "Well, goodnight, Dean." He forced himself to turn around and leave.

"Wait!" Dean said in a rushed tone. "W-would you stay? I m-mean..for a bit?"

"Um...sure." He agreed and went to sit on the desk chair while she got under the covers to go to sleep.

"You can lay down here." She patted the empty side of the queen bed. "It's not like we haven't shared a bed before." She watched Sam as he glanced at her and then at the bed, but made no movement towards her. She felt her heart sink. "I...you don't have to...I understand..." She said, trying to keep her voice steady.

Sam seemed almost in a trance like state and at the tone of her voice, he snapped out of it. "Wait, Dean. You understand what?"

She couldn't look at him when she spoke. "After what happened...to me...you think I'm disgusting and tainted don't you?"

"What?" Sam answered in a shocked tone; he was surprised this is how she saw herself.

"I just thought it would be nice to have you lay down next to me. That's all...I'm sorry..." A tear escaped from her eye.

Sam stepped closer to her. "Dean." She did not acknowledge him. "Dean." He said more forcefully. "Look at me. Please." He waited until her green eyes focused on him. "I didn't mean to hurt you just then. It's not that I don't want to be next to you." He ran his hands through his long brown locks as his heart raced.

"Then why?" Dean asked with innocence in her eyes. She just did not understand his hesitation.

Sam began to pace as his breathing picked up and he felt some sweat on his brow. "Jesus..." He said to himself. He wasn't sure if he could tell her the real reason. "I don't know if I can be that close to you, Dean."

"Why?" She asked again. He knew by the look on her face, his actions were hurting her.

"If I get that close...I...I..." Sam felt like he was hyperventilating.

"Sam. You're scaring me." Dean replied as she saw her brother's flushed face.

"I love you, Dean." Sam finally forced out.

"Well, I love you too, Sammy."

Sam's eyes narrowed when he realized she did not grasp his meaning. "No, Dean. I. Love. You." He waited for a moment to let it sink in. Dean had no expression on her face, so he continued. "I would love to be able to say that what I feel is wrong; but, I can't. It feels right to me. It feels pure to me; despite what anyone would say." His eyes watered. You could hear a pin drop in the room. There was no sound. Sam whispered. "Please say something."

"How long?" Dean's voice wavered. "Since my change?"

Sam shook his head. "Before that." Dean's eyes blinked absently as she let his words register. She wasn't sure what to say yet.

"When?" She spoke softly when she found her voice again; she felt new tears forming.

"Senior year." Sam answered as he glanced across the room. His heart was pounding.

Her eyes widened. "Is that why you left?" Her voice was shaky.

"I had a lot of reasons for leaving, Dean. But, yes. That was a major one. I thought what I felt for you was unnatural and wrong. I thought all I needed was to live the 'normal college life' and my feelings would go away. Maybe if I got the perfect girlfriend, I could forget about you in that way. I cared for Jessica...I always will...but she wasn't you."

At his words, Dean stood and walked to the other side of the room. She needed to process all of this. Her next statement was laced with hurt. "Why now? Is it because it's easier that I'm like this?" She gestured to her now female form. "Would you ever have told me if I were still a guy?"

"I've wanted to...so many times, Dean. I was just so scared; that you would think I was sick...or something..." Sam's eyes looked desperate. "Tell me I haven't ruined the way you think about me." When she didn't answer, his shoulders slumped as he watched her sit back on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry."

"Sammy." She said as she looked up at him, a few tears pouring from her eyes. She felt the bed sink as Sam sat next to her. Sam dared and reached up and wiped the water from her face. At his soft, warm touch, Dean's eyes drifted closed. When her emerald orbs looked upon him again, she managed to smile. "Sammy." She whispered as she felt his lips touch hers. The kiss was chaste at first. Soon, Dean opened her mouth and let Sam's tongue caress her own. He heard her moan in delight as he tasted her. They pulled apart panting for breath.

"You are so beautiful, Dean. Man or woman. It doesn't matter to me. I just want you." Sam leaned his forehead against her. She felt his breath tickling her face.

"I love you too, Sammy." She said quietly. "B-But..." She trailed off.

Sam leaned back. "But what, Dean." She looked terrified.

He saw her glance at the bed. "I-I don't know if...i-if I-I can..." She felt panicky for a moment. Luckily Sam understood the root of her fear.

"Dean, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. We still have a lot to deal with, right?" He waited until she nodded her head. "We won't rush into anything until you're ready." He smirked. "I've waited this long. A little more time is nothing." He embraced her and his heart warmed when he felt her chuckling against his chest. "Why don't we turn in. Okay?"

"Okay." She answered and they stood and walked to the head of the bed. Sam got in first and turned down the comforter. He lifted up his arm and Dean slid in and lay on his chest. Dean sighed as she felt his warm embrace. Sam kissed the top of her head and reached over and turned the light off.

TBC...


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

This chapter: More Sam and Dean goodness...

Dean's eyes flickered open the next morning. Sam's head was propped up, resting in his hand, gazing at her.

"Dude. You're staring." Dean said quietly, as she felt slightly uncomfortable with the scrutiny in which he watched her. When Sam didn't answer, she continued. "What? Are you going to start spouting poetry or something?" She said sarcastically.

Sam finally responded as he lay back down fully on the bed. "I can't look at you?" He said as he turned his eyes to her.

Dean squirmed a little. "I don't know." She said sheepishly.

Sam scooted over and brought Dean closer to him. "I can finally be up front about how I feel and act how I want." He leaned in and chastely kissed Dean on the lips. Dean sighed happily at the contact. "And what I wanted...was to watch you sleep."

"Who's the girl here now?" Dean tried to chuckle as she rolled her eyes and looked away. She felt herself blushing.

"Dean." Sam began seriously as his finger gently lifted her chin so they could look eye to eye. "I hope you know you don't have to pretend with me." Sam understood Dean's defense mechanisms. He had always used sarcasm and humor to deflect away from confronting his feelings.

Dean sat up and swung her legs over the edge. Her back was to her brother. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Dean. It's okay to share how you feel once in a while. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't change who you are."

The elder Winchester stood from the bed and walked to the window. She looked out on the lake as it shimmered in the early morning sun. She was silent for a time. When she did speak, her voice was so quiet, Sam barely heard her. "I don't know who I am anymore."

Sam walked behind her and enveloped her in his large arms. She felt instantly warmed as she leaned back into his chest. Sam bent forward a bit, until his mouth was level with her ear. He whispered, "You're Dean Winchester. You're strong and loyal and you hold our family together. You're a survivor...you're my hero...and I love you..." Sam paused as she began to shudder slightly. He felt wetness against his arms.

"Sam..." Dean's voice sounded muffled as she buried her face in his arm. She held onto him as if her life depended on it.

He gently turned her around. Dean, feeling embarrassed about her tears, tried to hide her face in his chest. Sam softly grasped her face in his hands and bent down and kissed her the wetness upon her face. He then caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead, then her nose, and then her mouth. He deepened the kiss when he felt her pressing against him. Sam moaned as he slowly tasted her. He pulled back when he felt his arousal building. He did not want to scare her.

"I love you, Sammy." Dean said as she looked into his eyes.

"I love you too, Dean."

* * *

Later that morning, the two moved to the kitchen where Sam was happily cooking some pancakes. He had been surprised when Dean had asked for two of them. She barely ate these days, so Sam was eager to oblige her request; she needed to gain some weight on her too thin frame. He flipped two flapjacks onto a plate and placed a few pieces of bacon on the side. He poured a glass of milk and walked over to Dean. He placed them in front of her. "There you go."

He returned to the range and made himself a plate. He grabbed his mug of coffee and turned to face Dean. She sat at the table, staring out into space. She had not even touched her food.

"Dean? Hot griddles in front of you." When she did not respond, he went over to her. "Dean? Are you okay?"

She was startled out of her thoughts. "Huh?" She looked around. "Yeah. Fine." She began to pick at her food.

Sam eyes narrowed. "What's going on?" His voice filled with concern.

Dean swallowed heavily as she forced herself to look at her brother. She did not want to hide anymore. "I...I think I should talk to someone...about what happened to me." She said quietly as she felt her heart pound in her chest.

Sam felt relief as he watched her. He realized that neither he nor John could have ever forced her to seek out help. It meant a lot that this was coming on her own accord. Sam nodded and went to a drawer in the kitchen. He opened it up and took out a business card. He handed it to Dean. "She's the therapist in town." He responded. Dean stared at it for a moment. She took a deep breath. Sam handed her his cellphone.

Her fingers shook slightly as she slowly dialed the number. She held her breath while it rang. When someone answered she had to force her voice to work. "Uh. Hi. I need to make an appointment to see Dr. Bard. Yes...oh so soon? Today? Oh...um...Dean...Dean Buckley. Okay...10:30...um...thanks..."

She hit the end button and let out a deep breath. She turned her emerald green eyes to her brother. Sam sat down and tried to smile. He grabbed her hand lightly. "I'll be there the whole time. Okay?" Dean nodded hesitantly. She was terrified of talking about her attack. The last time she opened up, she was nearly inconsolable. But, she was sick of having nightmares and sick of being afraid. She didn't want to feel like flinching if Sammy touched her. She needed help.

* * *

Sam sat in the waiting room of the therapists office. He looked at his watch. Dean had been in there for nearly ninety minutes. He looked around the area. He had flipped through most of the magazines already. He felt jittery, anticipating Dean's exit from the office. What would her mental state be? He remembered the look on her face when the doctor came for her. Her eyes were wide with fear and she was nearly hyperventilating. Sam worried if this was the right decision to come here. But, they really had no choice.

Sam looked up as the door opened and Dean walked out. She had no expression on her face. Dr. Bard placed her hand gently on Dean's shoulder.

"I'll see you in two days, Dean." She said kindly as she smiled and nodded her head at Sam. Dean did not answer as she walked towards the door.

Sam caught up to her and led a compliant Dean back to the car. He was not sure what to do; what to say. She was eerily quiet, her eyes void of any emotion. His first instinct was ask her if she was okay. An obvious, yet stupid question, Sam thought to himself. If he spoke, Dean might retreat further into her mind; the walls that had fallen away the last day might be rebuilt.

If their roles were reversed, Sam thought that he would need to reach out, talk things over. That is how he approached situations.

No, Sam had to let Dean to deal with this in her own way. She had taken a big step by asking for outside intervention. He had to now wait to see what Dean would do from here.

He opened the car door for her and Sam watched as her little body slid onto the leather seat. The door creaked closed. Sam took his seat and started the engine. With one last glance in her direction, he began the drive back to the lake house. They arrived ten minutes later. Dean stood from the car and walked inside and went directly to her room. Sam's heart sank as he saw her quietly ascending the staircase. He stood at the edge of the stairway nearly panicking trying to decide what to do. He felt lost, helpless to deal with the situation. His head dropped as his shoulders slumped in defeat. He turned and went to the den. He sat on the lazy-boy, his head cradled in his hands. He fought against the tears forming behind his eyes. He tried to take a few calming breaths. He did not know how long he sat there, when he heard someone approaching him. As he slowly looked up, Dean stood in front of him staring down with intense eyes. He saw hesitation on her face for a moment. She said nothing as she climbed into Sam's lap and curled into a tight ball as he embraced her. Her arms snaked around his neck as she tried to get closer to him.

"It's okay, Dean." Sam whispered to her as he held her close. "We'll get through this." He added as he felt her nodding against his chest.

Dean's eyes were closed as she concentrated on her brother's voice and the feeling of warmth she had while laying against him. He was her lifeline, the reason she could hold things together. Dean wanted to hate the feelings of weakness that enveloped her, but Sammy seemed to make it better. Fear clutched her delicate heart momentarily when she thought of what things would be like if he was not there. She shoved those unpleasant musings away as she focused on the calming rhythm of his heartbeat.

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

This chapter: Sam and Dean confront old issues...and then some fluffy moments...WINCEST

Chapter 14

Sam closed his phone as he stood in the den early the next morning. John had just called. He would be gone for a few more days. He reported what a 'sly son of a bitch' the Sturge demon was. Sam placed the phone down on the table and went back upstairs. He walked by their room and smiled as he saw Dean sleeping peacefully in bed. Before rejoining her, he went to the bathroom. As he brushed his teeth to rid himself of morning breath, he heard a few whimpers. He quickly rinsed and returned to their room.

Dean was squirming, her eyes closed tightly in pain as she panted. "No...Sammy...don't go...please..."

Sam rushed to her side and sat down on the bed next to her. He gently repeated Dean's name to try and awaken her. "Dean. Wake up. Come on." Dean's eyes snapped open as she sat up abruptly.

"Wha?" She slurred and looked around wildly for a moment before focusing on Sam. She seemed to calm immediately. "What happened?"

Sam let out a deep breath. "You were having a bad dream." He did not elaborate. He watched as Dean smoothed her hair and stood from the bed.

"I need to use the bathroom." She said quietly as she tried to smile at her brother. Sam stood there pondering Dean's nightmare. His heart felt heavy with guilt over Dean's fears.

When she returned to their room, Dean called Sam's name. When he did not answer, she gently grasped his arm. "Sam?"

He turned and looked down at her. He hesitated, but felt like he had to express his remorse. Since her attack, his conscience weighed heavily on him. His eyes watered as he spoke softly. "I'm sorry."

Dean raised her eyebrow, a bit confused at his confession. "For what?"

"For what happened to you." He paused. "I'm so sorry."

Dean closed her eyes for a moment before answering. "It wasn't your fault."

Sam started pacing. "But it was! If we hadn't had that fight..."

"Sam..." Dean warned as she clenched her fists to her side.

"Dean, we haven't talked about what happened before you left that night." His eyes pleaded with her.

"There's nothing to say." Dean said tightly as she looked down.

"But there is." Sam responded quickly.

Dean began to walk away. "I'm not going to do this. It doesn't matter." Before she reached the door, Sam stopped her.

"Please. We have to talk about this. You were having a nightmare about it just now!" He said to her back as she faced the door. "You know I'm not going to leave...right?" When she did not immediately answer, Sam's heart fell. "After everything, Dean? You can't believe that."

When Dean turned around, tears shone in her green eyes. "Can't I, Sam? Can't I?" She shook her head as she walked back into the room. She strode to the opposite side near the window. "See, up here," she pointed to her head, "I understand why you left back then. It was something you needed to do. I just wanted you to be happy." She dropped her head as her voice choked. "But it h-hurt...s-so m-much..." Her chin trembled as she fought hard against the tears that she refused to let fall.

Sam took a few steps forward, his heart heavy. "I'm so sorry I hurt you when I left. That's not what I wanted. Everything with dad was so difficult. This life...was hard. But you were always the most important thing to me, Dean. And going away reinforced that."

"Is that why you didn't return my calls?" Dean said in an accusatory tone as her eyes narrowed.

Sam's head dropped in shame. "I was a selfish prick for a while there. I was trying so hard to be someone I wasn't...and I ended up hurting the person I love the most."

He paused. "After everything we've been through, I'm not going to leave."

"I don't need your pity." Dean responded as she turned away.

"It's not pity, Dean! I LOVE YOU. You don't walk away from that."

"But, you did!"

Sam's face tightened as Dean's words hit him like a punch in the gut. "I know. But, part of me thinks that I did for a reason; so maybe we could get to this point." He took a deep breath. "God, Dean. You have to know that I won't leave. Not again." Sam's eyes watered.

Dean's eyes looked pained as she faced Sam. "I want to believe you...so much..." She bit her lip. "But...I don't know if I can."

Sam was silent for a time as he thought about the depths of Dean's insecurities. "You are what I want, Dean." Sam's voice shook. "Do you still want me?"

Dean hesitated and then nodded her head. "And if I turn back?" She asked.

"I told you before. Man or woman. It doesn't matter to me."

"But you always talk about your 'normal' life. I can't give you kids and a white picket fence, Sam. What if one day, that's what you want?" She paused. "I don't think I could handle it if..." She trailed off.

He grasped her shoulders gently and spoke slowly. "I'm not going anywhere, Dean. And I'm just going to have to prove that to you. Maybe, with time, you'll actually believe me." He embraced her. "We'll figure it out. Whatever happens in this life. As long as we're together, I don't care what happens."

* * *

After their heart to heart, Sam and Dean grabbed a quick breakfast and changed into workout clothes. They took a long walk around the vast lake and hiked up the neighboring hills for a time. It was the first real exercise Dean had done since her attack. Whether she changed back to her previous form or not, her coma had rendered Dean weak and they knew she had to slowly rebuild her strength.

Following a small lunch, Dean was exhausted from the exercise and went upstairs to nap. Sam sat in the kitchen replaying their conversation from the morning in his head. He understood that it would take time to convince Dean that he would not leave again. Although Sam could not completely regret going to college, he knew how much it hurt his brother. And that, coupled with John leaving him, was the root of so many of Dean's fears.

Sam took a deep breath as he browsed the local paper. He wanted to find something for the two to do that night. He saw an article after some time and smiled. He looked up the stairs towards Dean's room and had an excited flutter in his stomach. He stood up and began to gather a few things.

* * *

Dean emerged in the late afternoon and found Sam in the den watching TV. She sat next to him as she rubbed sleep from her eyes. She turned to her brother and noticed a smile on his face.

"What are you grinning about?" She asked.

"I'm taking you out tonight." Sam said proudly as he flipped the TV off.

Dean quirked her well sculpted eyebrow. "What?"

"Yeah. We're going out."

"Again? You dragged my butt out the other night."

"And you had fun. So we're doing it again." He said firmly.

Dean's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Fine. Where?"

"It's a surprise." Sam answered.

"I don't like surprises." Dean responded as she crossed her arms.

"Too bad. We'll leave in thirty minutes." Sam stood and left an annoyed Dean sitting on the couch.

* * *

An hour later, Sam stood outside Dean's door knocking. He glanced at his watch. "Jesus, Dean...what's going on in there?"

Dean stood behind her door standing in her underwear staring at her closet. She had two pairs of jeans and three shirts to choose from. She mumbled to herself, "I've got to change back soon." All she could think about right now is that she didn't have a thing to wear. Why was she so damn nervous? She chalked it up to 'stupid freaking female hormones' as she grabbed a pair of jeans and a fitted white long sleeved t-shirt. She laced up her boots and then admired the final product in front of the mirror. She arranged her hair in a more pleasing way as she stared at her reflection. 'Not bad' she thought to herself. She walked towards the door and opened it to find an extremely impatient Sam on the other side.

"What took you so long?" He asked in an exasperated tone.

"I don't have anything to wear." She said petulantly as she pouted.

Sam's heart melted instantly, and then he thought how comical it was for Dean to make that statement. Although, when he thought about it, his brother was pretty vain about his looks. Why wouldn't a female version of him not be the same. It made him think that maybe, Dean was improving; perhaps parts of Dean's unique personality was reemerging. It gave him hope that her fractured psyche was repairing itself. "You look great, Dean. We'll have to pick up more clothes tomorrow. "

"Fine." She responded. "So, where are we going?" She asked in a sweet tone to try to get some info from him.

"Good try." Sam smirked. "I'm not telling until we get there."

* * *

They drove nearly twenty miles into the next town. Soon after that, Dean saw a sign for a County Fair. Sam pulled the Impala into a parking space on a grass field and stopped the car. Dean watched him get out and go to the trunk. Sam brought out a couple of rolled blankets and closed the trunk.

"So, what are we doing here?"

"I thought we'd have a little fun and there's a blues concert in about an hour. I know it's not mullet rock, but you like the blues."

Dean smiled widely as her heart melted at the thoughtfulness of her brother. Aside from heavy metal, Dean loved listening to the blues. Very often when he used to hunt alone, he found himself seeking out blues bars in the towns he passed through. "Sam..." She couldn't find the words without getting too emotional.

"Come on. Let's go." He said as he began walking towards the carnival.

As they strolled through the fairgrounds, they absorbed the sights and sounds. Everywhere around them children were laughing and squealing in delight and families eating and playing games. Sam and Dean walked silently, enjoying their surroundings. They had never gotten a chance to attend much events when they were young. Their father was too caught up in the hunt to indulge his boys in simple pleasures such as this.

Suddenly, they stopped when they heard a voice. "Step right up!"

They turned to a man in a booth. "That's right! Step right up!" He repeated to them. "Win the little lady a teddy bear!" Sam shrugged his shoulders and walked towards the booth.

"What do I need to do?" Sam asked as he placed the blankets down.

The scruffy, aged man turned towards the merchandise. "Win your little lady something nice by shooting those bottles. Hit three or more and win a prize!"

Dean rolled her eyes as she watched them. She stepped up to the man. "I think the 'little lady' can win her own prize." Dean said defiantly as she grabbed the rifle from Sam's hands.

The vendor chuckled lightly as he watched this slip of a girl with such bravado. "That's sweet." He said in a sarcastic tone to Sam as he shook his head.

Dean smirked as she narrowed her eyes. "And if I get all ten?"

"Then the giant bear is yours, sweetheart." He said as he chuckled and then winked at her.

Dean nearly gagged at his smarmy gesture, but then turned her attention to the bottles. Sam said nothing but smiled as he stepped out of the way. One by one in rapid succession, Dean hit each bottle square on. After the last bottle fell off the ledge, she handed the rifle back to a stunned vendor and smiled sweetly.

Dean covered her mouth with her hand. "Oops! I got them all!" She giggled and twirled her hair as she looked at him. "Beginner's luck!" She shrugged her shoulders as she turned to Sam briefly; he was trying not to laugh at her joke. "I do believe I get the giant bear, right?" She said with innocent eyes. As he handed the pink bear to her, she saw him scowl.

As the two walked away practically howling, Dean said, "What an ass!"

* * *

Dean sat on a blanket a few hundred feet away from the stage. Sam had left a few minutes ago to get them some food. She laid back and looked at the stars. She sighed happily, feeling content for the first time since...forever. It felt nice, for a change, to feel a little carefree and actually have fun. In Dean's experience, she knew it would not last. She shoved her thoughts about demons, her attack and her change away for now. For the time being, she wanted to enjoy her time with Sam. Her thoughts were interrupted when he returned with dinner.

"Hot dogs, cheese fries, and soda." Sam said as he laid out the meal on their blankets.

"Sounds good to me." Dean replied as she dug into the fries. They ate in silence as the concert began.

Once they finished their meal, Sam sat with his legs spread out. He gently grabbed Dean and placed her in between his legs. Dean was stiff at first and then closed her eyes as she heard Sam whisper in her ear. "Is this okay?" She nodded her head as she leaned back against his chest. Sam placed his arms around her small figure and they relaxed in each other's embrace and enjoyed the wonderful music under the clear night sky.

When they returned to the lake house, Dean stopped when she got out of the car. "Sammy, tonight was...well, I just wanted to say thanks." She smiled shyly.

"You're welcome. I had a great time, too." He leaned in and she stood on her tippy toes and they kissed gently. Sam unconsciously grabbed her hand when they began to walk towards the house. As they traversed the steps up to the front door, Dean paused and turned towards Sam.

"You know, Sammy, I'm going to get a crick in my neck kissing you. You and your freakishly tall legs!" She laughed as she walked up two more steps. She was now even with her brother. "That's better." She said as she leaned forward and captured Sam's lips in a passionate kiss. Sam wrapped his arms around her tightly as he caressed her mouth.

He leaned back to catch his breath. He smirked. "It's not my fault you're short, Dean. Guy or girl!" He laughed when Dean playfully elbowed him in the ribs. He picked her up in his arms as he continued to kiss her. He fiddled with the door without diverting his attention from her. Their kiss was endless as they traversed the stairs. When they arrived in their bedroom, Sam gently sat Dean down in the middle of the bed. She looked beautiful, her cheeks flush with passion. He sat down next to her. He saw no fear in her face. He reached up and traced her sculpted cheekbones and licked her lips softly. Sam felt impossibly hard as he touched her. But, he wanted to make sure sure he would not push her; he wanted to let her be in control.

Dean leaned up until she was kneeling and then sat back on her feet. For a moment, she just stared at Sam's face. "Sammy..." she said in a low voice as she brought a shaky hand to touch his face. Her hand went lower as she started unbuttoning his shirt. When she finished her task, she peeled off the garment and encouraged Sam to remove his t-shirt. She sat in awe admiring his chest. It was as if, for the first time, Dean realized how grown up Sam was.

"God, Sammy." Dean forced out as she outlined his chest muscles with her tiny hand. Sam leaned into the touch as he closed his eyes. The softness of her strokes was like exquisite torture. Each muscle twitched slightly as she mapped his defined lines down to his hips.

Sam reached up and kissed her again and then began nipping at her neck. Dean lifted her head as she arched from the sensation. "Dean." Sam moaned as his hands traveled down. He began touching her breasts, when he stopped quickly.

"It's okay..." Dean panted when she saw Sam's hesitation.

Sam looked into her emerald green eyes for any sign of discomfort. "Are you sure?" She nodded and smiled and leaned in to capture his lips once again. She felt Sam lift her shirt over her head. He adeptly unhooked her bra and slowly laid her down on the bed. He licked at her nipple. Dean could not believe how good it felt. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling. As he suckled on one, Sam gently kneaded her other breast with his hand.

As their arousal grew Sam moved on top of Dean. When she felt his rock hard erection pressing into her jeans, she suddenly stiffened as her breath quickened. Sam opened his eyes and knew instantly that Dean was frightened. "Dean?" He asked in a worried voice as he quickly moved to the side of her.

Dean sat up hyperventilating and shaking. With pained eyes, she looked at her brother. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Dean." Sam implored. "Come on...slow your breathing down. It's okay. Sshhh. It's just me." He leaned in and held her. "It's Sammy. You're safe with me. Nothing bad will get you again. I promise."

As she regained her composure, she spoke quietly into his chest. "I thought I was ready."

"You don't need to rush, Dean."

"I know...I just wanted to be with you." She added softly.

He grasped her shoulders lightly in order to face her. "And I want to be with you, too. But, we are already together. When we make love, I want you to be truly ready."

"Thanks, Sammy." Her heart was filled with such love for her brother at that moment. She felt a giant weight was lifted from her. He understood her fears and respected her feelings. That meant everything. One day, she would overcome her trauma and feel whole again. Until then, she knew Sam would be patient as she took baby steps towards recovery.

After some time, Dean looked down for a moment as she bit her lip. "I'm sorry."

"Dean, why are you apologizing again?"

She gestured to his jeans. Sam's arousal was obvious and was probably painful at this point.

"Don't worry about it." He glanced around the room for a moment. "I'll just go to the bathroom and I'll be back and then we'll turn in."

He saw Dean blush. "You don't have to...go to the bathroom...you can...right here." She stuttered and had an embarrassed smile on her face.

"What?" Sam's eyes were wide. "Right here?" He swallowed nervously. "In front of you?" Dean shrugged her shoulders as if to say 'why not'. Even though he saw the bashful gesture, he saw a glint of lust in her eyes too. He smiled at her and slowly pulled his pants and boxers down. He leaned back on pillows propped up against the backboard. He made sure to keep eye contact with her as he slowly reached his hand down. He gasped as his cold hand grasped it. He arched slightly as he began to stroke slow at first, but then needing more, he sped up. It had been so long since he had relief, he knew he would not last long. He felt his eyes drifting closed as he felt nearly overwhelmed by the feeling of this coupled with Dean watching him.

"Sammy..." Dean whispered from the edge of the bed. "Talk to me..." She said as her cheeks flushed.

"God..." Sam groaned as he turned his lustful eyes towards her. "You're so fucking beautiful, Dean..." He arched up again as he knew his climax was impending. "I can't wait to slide into you...make love you...Jesus...baby..." He felt sweat accumulating on his brow as he panted. He was so close and suddenly, he nearly jumped as he saw Dean crawl towards him and wrap her hand over his. He was lost after a few strokes. "DEAN!" He yelled as he came powerfully; he was fortunate to be lying down because he was lightheaded and dizzy.

When he was able to focus again, he saw Dean smirking. "That was pretty hot." She said as she used his shirt to wipe off his chest.

"I'd say so...I nearly passed out." Sam chuckled.

"Who knew you had a kink?" Dean smiled.

"Me?" Sam said, feigning shock. "It was your request."

"In which you happily complied." Dean added.

"Fine." Sam huffed. "Guilty as charged." Sam stood and put on his boxers and a clean shirt. Dean changed into a pair of boxers and a tank top. Sam got into bed and Dean followed. He pulled the covers over them and sighed contentedly as Dean laid against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and reached over to turn the light off.

* * *

The next morning, Sam slowly awakened to a ringing noise. When he realized it was his cell phone, he forced himself from bed. He dug through a pile of clothes to find his pants from last night. He followed the noise and finally found it. "Hello?" He slurred as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He stood straighter when he realized it was his dad. "Yeah, dad...uh huh...sure...yes, sir." Sam hit the end button.

"Was that Dad?" Dean said as she slowly sat up in bed. Sam nodded. "What did he say?" She asked.

"He's coming back today."

TBC...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"What?" Dean said as her eyes widened. "Today?" As much as she was happy her father was returning, she feared what that meant for her and Sam.

"Yeah." Sam's tone was melancholy as well. Sam had been so preoccupied with aiding Dean in her recovery, that he had spent little time on Dean's curse. He knew they needed their dad to continue to research Dean's reversal, but the timing was poor.

Silence befell the room as the two contemplated their father's return. Sam watched as Dean got up from bed and gathered some clothes for the day. As she headed out to the bathroom, he stopped her. "Dean, we need to talk about this."

"What is there to say?" She shrugged her shoulders.

Sam's eyes narrowed. "This doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Sam." Dean responded. "Dad will never understand this." She gestured between the two of them.

"So what? He doesn't have to know."

Dean chuckled bitterly as she shook her head. "Dad isn't blind, Sammy."

"Really? He's so caught up in his crusade that he wouldn't know his head from his ass." Sam spit angrily. "It's none of his business what we do anyway."

Dean sighed. "Maybe Dad coming back is for the best..." Dean trailed off as she looked to the floor, avoiding Sam's gaze.

Sam stood there with his mouth open wide. He walked to Dean and forced her to look at him. "Don't you say that. Not after everything we've been through. Don't let your fear of him tear us apart." His eyes watered. "Dean. Please."

Dean bit her lip and nodded her head as Sam embraced her.

They held onto each other tight, trying to cocoon themselves from the world. When they stepped apart, Sam spoke. "Once you turn back, Dad will leave again. He'll go hunt for The Demon. Then, we won't have to hide our feelings."

"You're right." Dean answered. "He doesn't need to know." She took a deep breath as she glanced at the clock. "I better jump in the shower."

"Yeah. We have to get to your appointment with Dr. Bard." Sam replied. "And hey, I'll buy you breakfast after that and then we'll go get you some more clothes." Dean smiled at him and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Sam stood alone in the room, and hoped they would be alright.

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When Dean and Sam returned to the lake house in the afternoon, they saw their father's truck parked out front. They both felt their stomachs flutter. "We'll be fine." Sam muttered as he looked at Dean. Sam stole a glance towards the house to make sure their dad was not at the window. He dared to stroke her face. Dean's eyes closed slowly at the contact.

"Sammy... we can't." Dean's voice shook as she tried to restrain herself.

"God." Sam ran his hands through his hair. "I just want to tell him and get it over with. He can accept it or not."

"I know..." Dean responded, "but it would kill him. He can't know."

"Part of me doesn't care. I don't want to go more than one night not holding you."

Dean smiled at first and then burst out laughing. "Dude, that's even chick flicky for you."

"Shut up, butt munch!" Sam playfully swatted at Dean.

"A-hole!" Dean countered as they both continued to laugh as they exited the car. "Let's get this over with." She added as she began to walk towards the door. Dean stopped for a moment and turned back to Sam who was behind her. She spoke quietly, "And stop staring at my ass!"

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They found their father in the kitchen. They noticed a few new battle wounds on his face, but generally he looked okay.

"Sam. Dean." He said as he sat at the table with books and papers in front of him.

"Dad." They both responded.

Dean walked over first. "What's all of this?" She pointed to the contents on the table.

"Research on your change. Pull up a chair." He ordered. When they settled, he continued. "I've narrowed the search to three species. I think these would be the most plausible demons to have the capability to change gender." He cleared his throat as he gestured towards three piles of paper. "The first is an Economo demon, an ancient fertility spirit..."

Dean's eyes widened as she interrupted. "Fertility spirit!" She tried to squash the panic arising within her as her father held up his hand.

"If you'd let me finish, Dean, I was going to say this one is a long shot. It is found mostly in the Northeast and you two were no where near there." He grabbed the second pile. "Vengeance Demons. They would have the ability to turn you into a girl. They can do almost anything. And finally, plain old witches. There are scores of witches covens throughout the world with the ability to curse someone."

Sam looked at his father with skepticism. "How can you be sure that these are the ones?"

John took a deep breath. "This what my research has produced."

"Because you say so, that's it?"

"Damn it, Sam. I don't see you coming up with anything better, so yes. These are the potential culprits."

"Dad. Sam. Please." Dean intervened as she saw them glare at each other. She was tired of their conflicts. She turned to her dad. "So what do we do from here?"

"I need you to remember what happened before you changed."

"I told you before." She started quietly. "We went back to the bar to find that waitress, but she wasn't there. Sam and I drank and I got a little drunk and then we went back to the motel."

"We were together the whole time, except when I went to the bathroom for a few minutes." Sam added.

"The waitress is somehow involved." John said.

"She wasn't a demon. We went back the next day to check." Sam responded.

"Maybe we should try to get hold of her again." John interjected as he ran his hands over his face in frustration. "She's the key. Maybe she talked to one of these species. A witch or a Vengeance Demon can assume human forms."

Sam glanced at Dean for a moment before speaking. "I called the bar the other day while Dean was sleeping. Melanie doesn't work there anymore. They wouldn't tell me her last name or where she went." Sam watched as Dean looked down.

"Did you know her last name?" John asked as his eyes trained on his eldest . Dean hesitantly shook her head. "Damn it, Dean." John added gruffly.

"Lay off!" Sam growled at John as he watched the embarrassed look Dean had on her face. He glared at his father.

"Look! I'm sorry. I screwed up, right?" Dean said as she stood from the table. "You might as well say it!" Dean said as she eyed her father.

"Dean..." John said sympathetically. "Look, I'm just tired. I don't blame you. I just don't know how we can reverse it if we don't have more information."

Dean sighed. "I know. Maybe you shouldn't bother. It's probably a waste of time. This search is taking you away from The Demon hunt."

"This IS important, Dean." Sam said. He glowered at his father. "Right, Dad?"

John hesitated, but then agreed. "Of course. We'll do everything we can to get this reversed. We'll just have to research more." He tried to smile at Dean. "Okay?"

He sounded sincere enough, but Dean had her doubts. She felt a relative peace in the room, so she went with it. "Yeah. Sure, Dad."

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Sam and Dean sat in the den watching a movie. They were on opposite sides of the couch. Their father had retired to bed three hours ago. The two kept glancing at each other out of the corner of their eyes; they barely could concentrate on the movie. Sam turned to Dean when he heard her chuckle slightly.

"What?" He asked with a smile. It felt good to see Dean laugh.

Den kept her voice down. "I feel like I'm sixteen again, hanging out with Missy Sue Smith in her parents house."

"Eew. You made out with her?" Sam asked, a look of disgust on his face.

"Eew? What are you, eight years old? And hell, yeah, I made out with her. She had huge tits!" Dean smirked.

"Whatever." Sam answered as he started flipping channels.

"Do you think Dad is asleep?" Dean asked with a yawn.

"Yeah." Sam leered at her. "What do you have in mind?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, perv. I just want to lay down." She grabbed a pillow and proceeded to place it on Sam's lap. She laid down facing the TV. "Aah. That's better." She said as she relaxed in her new position. She closed her eyes as Sam began to softly stroke her long, blond hair. "Sammy..." She whispered as she drifted to sleep.

Sam startled awake when he heard a noise. He looked down to see Dean still laying on his lap and whimpering slightly.

"No...no..." She muttered as she shifted slightly.

"Hey, Dean." He stroked her face to gently wake up her up. "It's okay, baby. Ssh. Wake up. It's only a dream." He smiled when her eyes fluttered open.

"Sam." Her voice was slurred.

"Yeah. It's me." He caressed her face and leaned over and kissed her on the lips. "It was just a bad dream."

"Yeah." She said as she sat up.

"Come on. Let's put you down to bed." Sam stood up and scooped her in his arms. He kissed her again on the lips briefly. As he ascended the staircase, he was unaware of his father stepping out from the shadows of the hallway.

When Sam reached her room, he proceeded to lay her down on the bed. "I'm across the hall. Okay?"

"Okay." She softly answered as she curled into the sheets and promptly returned to slumber.

Sam watched for a bit, before leaving. When he stepped across to his room, he stopped. He was thirsty and the thought of going to bed without Dean in his arms left an ache in his chest. He descended the creaky stairs and went into the kitchen. He grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He drank heartily and sighed as the fresh water hit his parched palate. He placed the glass in the sink and when he turned around, he saw his father staring at him with murderous eyes. He steeled himself.

"Dad."

John did not even know where to begin. He had so many conflicting feelings that he felt he could not even form words. "I..." He shook his head. "I want to know what is going on."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sam stood tall.

"Cut the shit, Sam. I know what I saw. How...you and..." John stumbled on his words, confusion and disbelief clouding his thought process.

Sam's eyes widened as his breath picked up. He knew they would be confronted, but this was too soon. He did not know what to say yet. He internally berated himself for being so careless.

"Answer me!" John yelled.

Sam glared at him. "Keep it down. You'll wake Dean up." His menacing voice threatened.

"You owe me an explanation." John took a step forward.

"I owe you nothing." Sam responded with a sneer.

"You're brothers, Sam!" John added. "It's not right. It's not normal!" He tried to lower his voice as he spoke, but he was having trouble reining in his anger.

"Normal?" Sam chuckled bitterly as he shook his head. "NORMAL!" He clenched his fists. "When have we ever been normal? Normal would have been having a home, staying in the same school for more than a year at a time, having friends we could play with. No, Dad. You made sure that we had the farthest thing from normal as possible. You raised us as warriors, teaching us how to fight dark forces. We should have been going to the Boy Scouts and to the prom! So don't lecture me on being normal!"

"I did the best I could."

"No, you CHOSE to avenge mom's death at the expense of us." Sam paced across the room.

John took a few calming breaths. "How long...have you two..."

"Not that it's any of your business, but only recently."

"So, what?" John replied. "You decided to take advantage of your newly female brother? He's vulnerable, so you decide to make a move?"

Sam spoke with anger in his voice. "I'm not taking advantage. You make it sound perverse."

"It's sick and wrong, Sam. Not to mention illegal."

"It's not sick, Dad. I've cared for Dean a long time. And who are you to lecture about legality? You taught us about fake identities and credit card scams, among other things." John looked hurt for a moment. "What? Because it's for the 'greater good', it doesn't count? You are such a fucking hypocrite!"

"Don't try to change the subject. This isn't about me."

"Oh, but it is. The only person I could ever rely on was Dean. Are you really that surprised that we developed feelings for each other?"

"Stop talking like you two have a relationship!" John shouted. He paused and his eyes turned cold. "We just have to get Dean reversed and this will all end. Got that? Once he's back, there will be none of this nonsense."

"Are you serious? Is that an order, SIR?" Sam's eyed his father with such hate. "You think we fell in love because he's now a girl? Are you blind?"

"No, Sam. You're feeling guilty about Dean and it's clouding your judgement."

"Guilty about what?"

"You let Dean out of your sight and she was nearly killed."

Sam shook his head as his control faltered. "What did you say to me?"

"I'm just saying what we all know. I've always taught you two to look out for each other."

"You're such a bastard." Sam's nostrils flared. "Why do you even care? Once you get a chance you're going to up and leave. That's what you're good at, anyway."

"Could say the same thing to you, kiddo." John's statement was laced with anger as he clenched his fists.

"I swear to God..." Sam breathed heavily as he closed his eyes.

"What would your mother think of her two boys like this?" John added.

Sam snapped. He crossed the room quickly and grabbed his father by the collar and shoved him against the wall. "Don't you bring her up like that!" Sam's face was crimson red. He stumbled backwards when his father shoved him off.

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Dean slept peacefully until she started to hear some voices. At first she thought she was dreaming, but as she became more conscious, the voices were louder. As she crept towards the stairs, she heard her father and brother fighting. "God, what now?" She muttered to herself as she went downstairs to once again mediate. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw them scuffling.

"Stop." Her voice did not seem to penetrate through their melee. When she realized that they were going to hurt each other, she ran over to them. "STOP!" She yelled. In the flurry of arms, Dean's tiny body tried to separate the two fighting, cursing men. She was overpowered and suddenly felt the sting of an arm across her face.

"Aaah!" She yelled as she was flung back and hit her head against the wall. All Sam and John could do was watch in horror as she slid unconscious onto the floor.

TBC...


	16. Chapter 16

AN: thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 16:

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed as he rushed over to her unconscious form. Sam gently propped her limp body up against the wall as he stroked her face. "Dean. Wake up. Please..." Panic engulfed him as he glanced wide eyed at his equally stunned father. "Dean?" He repeated as his voice broke. Suddenly he saw her eyes flicker open as she moaned slightly.

Dean returned to consciousness, but felt disoriented. As she opened her eyes, she realized she was on a cold floor. "No..." She felt fear within her as she did not recognize her surroundings. She thought she was back in that abandoned house, among those men. "No!" Her eyes widened as she started trembling.

"Dean!" Sam tried to calm her. "It's okay. You're safe." He paused. "Look at me." Her terrified eyes hesitantly fixed on Sam's face. "That's it...I'm here..."

"Sammy?" She said with hope in her voice.

"Yeah. It's me. Slow your breathing down...that's it...slow, deep breaths..." He encouraged her as he softly caressed her face.

John stood back, ashamed of his part in Dean's current state. He was also speechless as he watched the intimate interaction between his sons.

"Good, Dean." Sam continued in his calming tone. "We're sorry, Dad and I."

She blinked her eyes as she calmed. Her voice slurred slightly as she spoke. "What happened?"

"I'll explain later, okay?" Sam answered. His guilt and shame was overwhelming right now. He could not believe he was so stupid to let Dean get hurt again. He shoved those thoughts away temporarily as he returned his focus back on her. "Can you get up?" He helped her stand up slowly. She seemed a bit unsteady on her feet, so he gently picked her up. Dean snuggled into his chest and without a word to his father, Sam carried Dean up and placed her in bed.

After he secured blankets around her, he kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back."

"But...Dad." Dean said quietly as she gripped his wrist with her tiny hand.

Sam smiled as he brushed a long, blond lock from her face. "Don't worry about him." He whispered kindly as he leaned down to kiss her lips briefly. "I'm going to get you a glass of water and some aspirin."

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Sam walked back downstairs. He ignored his father as he went into the kitchen to procure some water for Dean.

"Sam." John said as he followed his son.

"What?" He turned his cold eyes to his father. "It's done. I won't discuss it again. Dean's hurt and it's our fault."

John bowed his head for a moment. "I know." He had nothing left to say. The silence that enveloped the room was stifling.

Sam reached for a bottle of aspirin and then grasped a glass in his hand. Before returning upstairs, he addressed his dad. His tone was resigned, yet strong. "I won't let my emotions get the best of me again. Not if it ends up hurting Dean. I know she wants you around, so I'll do my best to deal with that. But, understand this." His eyes narrowed. "Dean and I are together. Nothing you could do or say will EVER change that. If you can't accept it, then leave." He did not give his father a chance to respond as he walked out of the room.

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When Sam awoke the next morning, he reached his long arm out to bring Dean closer to him. All he felt was a cold space next to him. He abruptly sat up, worried that something happened to Dean. He looked around the room and saw Dean sitting by the window, staring outside.

"Dean?" Sam asked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said as she kept her attention to the window. As she crossed her arms, Sam noted the tension in her body as he stood from the bed and walked towards her.

"What are you thinking about?"

She turned to him as she stood; she chuckled bitterly as she touched her cheek. "I'm trying to figure whether you or Dad has the better right hook."

Sam's eyes widened as he took a swift breath in. "Dean, I'm s-..."

"No, Sam. I don't want to hear it. From either of you." She turned back towards the window.

"I am sorry, Dean. We didn't mean for you to get hurt. It happened so fast."

"I'm tired of the fighting between you two. I knew it was only a matter of time before it would come to blows."

"Dean, Dad saw us last night. He knows about us."

Dean shook her head as she rubbed her eyes. 'Great' she thought. Something else to add on to her problems. She ignored that for a moment as she continued. "It doesn't matter. You two always find something to argue or disagree about. This," she gestured between them, "was just an excuse to finally have it out."

"How can you say that?" Sam responded with hurt in his eyes.

"Because it's the truth, Sammy!" She took a deep breath. "Do you know what it's like, always having to mediate between you and Dad? Why can't you just get along?" Her eyes shined. As if she suddenly felt all her energy dissipate, she reached out and sat back on the chair.

Sam rushed to her side. He knelt in front of her and grasped her hands. "Dean?" He asked in a worried tone when he saw her eyes closed.

"I'm fine. My head just hurts a little." She said as she looked down at her beautiful brother. She touched his cheek to reassure him that she was okay.

"I'm so sorry. We were stupid." He tried to smile.

"I know, Sammy. But, just try, okay? For me?" She asked quietly.

Sam nodded her head. "For you, I'd do anything." They smiled as they looked into each others' eyes. After some time, Dean spoke again.

"So...Dad knows?" Sam reluctantly nodded.

Dean thought for a moment. "Well, shit." She said.

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Dean stood in the shower for some time. She needed to gather her thoughts. As she got dressed, she asked Sam to stay upstairs. She walked slowly down to the first floor. She looked around for her father. She found him sitting in the den drinking coffee. She had a nervous flutter in her stomach as she approached him. She took a deep breath of courage as she spoke. "Dad?"

John turned around and saw Dean standing there. He tried to smile. "Dean." He paused. "Have a seat." Dean complied. John cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize for what happened last night. We didn't mean for you to get hurt."

"This has to stop, Dad. I'm tired of refereeing between you two." Her eyes pleaded with him. "You need to try to get along. You'd think after four years of not talking, you and Sam would have been able to move beyond the bullshit." She raised her voice a bit.

John was about to chastise Dean over her tone, but he kept quiet for a time. He clasped his hands together. "You're right. Sam and I do have some issues."

"Some?" Dean rolled her eyes. "You and Sam are so alike, that's the problem." She smiled sadly at her Dad.

"Well, maybe." John replied. "And you are just like your mother, always trying to be the peacemaker." They both became silent as memories of Mary floated into their minds. "We'll try, Dean. That's all I can promise."

"Okay." She answered.

After some time, John stood. "Did Sammy tell you what we were were fighting about?" He narrowed his eyes as he saw Dean sit up straighter. In John's mind, they still had a lot to discuss.

"Yes." Dean answered quietly.

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Sam sat on their bed upstairs chewing his nails. He worried about Dean as she talked to their Dad. He did not want the eldest Winchester to chastise her over their relationship. Dean had asked him to stay out of the way, but Sam found himself sneaking down the stairs to make sure Dean did not need him. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

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John looked at Dean. "Well?" He placed his hands on his hips.

"Dad, I..." She felt herself stumble over her words and beads of sweat accumulate on her brow. John always had a way of making Dean feel like a child when confronted over anything. She had to tell herself that she was an adult and that she could do this. Dean stood. "Sam told me you know. What is there left to discuss?"

"I want to hear what you have to say!" John bit his lip as he looked down. He didn't want to resort to yelling at Dean. He needed to get a reign on his anger. He took a deep breath.

"I...w-we love each other." Dean answered quietly.

"You're brothers, Dean. It's wrong, can't you see that?" John felt like he was pleading.

"We're not hurting anyone, so why should it matter?" She asked honestly. "We're both adults."

"And you becoming a woman had nothing to do with this?" He flinched a little when he saw Dean look away slightly. He knew he may be hitting below the belt, but Dean had always been the reasonable one. He had to make her understand. "And when you turn back? How is it going to be then?" Dean had no response, so John continued. "So suddenly, my two boys are gay? Have you thought everything through?"

Dean clenched her fists together. "It's not like that. It's different. Sam and I...we're..."

"You're what, Dean?"

"I can't explain it!" She started pacing around the den. She looked at her father. "Are you really that surprised, Dad? Sam and I were constantly together growing up. We had no one but each other." She sighed. "I know what you're thinking. Maybe if we weren't on the road so much, maybe if you were around more, maybe if Mom hadn't died..." She trailed off as her voice choked. "Maybe if things had been different, Sam and I wouldn't be together. But the reality is, is that we are. And you can't change that."

"This is not how I pictured you and your brother's future."

"I'd like to tell you I'm sorry, but I'd be lying." Dean replied.

"And what happens when we defeat the Demon? What about your lives then?"

"We'll see what happens."

"And what if Sam decides to leave to live that 'normal' life of his?" John paused when he saw Dean's eyes widen.

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Sam stood at the edge of the steps listening to the conversation. He heard John's question and his heart sank when there was no immediate reply from Dean. He clutched the banister tightly.

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Dean took a few shaky breaths as she looked intently at her father. "He won't leave." She said with conviction.

"How can you know that?"

"Because I trust him." She lowered her head for a moment. "And even if he did one day, I would rather have had a little slice of happiness than nothing at all." She paused, but John did not interject. "He's everything to me and I am the same for him. Shouldn't that be what you want for your boys?" She turned to walk out of the room, but stopped to say one more thing. " I don't expect you to accept this." She said quietly. "But, one day, I hope you will understand."

As she walked out of the den, she saw Sam standing at the base of the stairs with tears in his eyes. He looked at her with concern and love. She smiled sadly as she made her way towards him. She stopped in in front of him and reached her hand out. He grasped it and together they walked up the stairs.

TBC...


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Dean and Sam walked into their bedroom silently. The younger Winchester sat exhausted on the bed. Dean walked to the window when she heard a car door open outside. She turned slightly to glance at the clock. As the car roared to life, she watched as her dad pulled away to go to his job. "It's probably for the best." She mumbled to herself. Her dad needed time to process their conversation.

"Dean." Sam said quietly from the bed. She walked over to him. "Do we need to talk?"

Dean brushed a lock of hair away from her face. "There's nothing left to say, Sam." She answered in an exasperated voice. The strain of the situation was starting to wear her down.

"You don't believe him, do you?" Sam asked, his eyes saddened. "I won't leave you."

"I know." She replied. "But..." Dean looked down.

"But what?"

"Nothing."

"Dean, please. Don't shut me out now. Not after everything."

She took a deep breath. "What happens when I turn back? Things will be different between us." She inched closer until she stood in front of him. Sam wrapped his arms around her waist as he looked up at her.

"Yes, it will be different. The dynamics will change a little." He smirked as he scooted back on the bed slightly. He reached forward and gently lifted her until she straddled his lap. They were now face to face. "As much as I love you and enjoy the fact that I can fit you into my back pocket..." He flinched and laughed heartily as she playfully hit his chest. "I fell in love with Dean: my emotionally closed off, cocky, cowboy big brother.

"Hey!" Dean pouted as she swatted at his head. "That's not fair!" She laughed.

Sam's tone turned serious. "I mean it, Dean. I love you now and I will love you when you turn back. I. JUST. WANT. YOU." He leaned in to kiss her chastely. After pulling apart, Dean turned away and wiped at her eye.

"Stupid female hormones." She muttered as she wiped her tear away.

"Are we okay?" Sam asked after giving her a moment. When she hesitated, he lifted her chin. "Dean?"

She swallowed heavily. "When I turn back, I don't know even then if I can..."

"Remember what I've said all along. I will never force you if you're not ready."

She sounded nervous. "I know...but...it's just not that."

"What is it then?" He asked gently.

She ducked her head in embarrassment. "I won't know what to do. I-I...I mean...I've never been with a guy before...um...when I was a guy." Her face turned a crimson red.

Sam smiled as he thought how cute Dean looked. "It's okay. I'll be able to show you."

Dean lifted her head in surprise. "Wait. What?" Sam grinned. "When?" She asked.

He took a deep breath. "There was a guy I hung out with a few times. When I first got to Stanford." He paused. "Before Jessica." Dean said nothing at this revelation. She did feel a slight tinge of jealously, though.

Dean thought for a moment. "So, you're bi, then?"

"Guess so."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" She asked with hurt in her voice.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't think you'd understand. We hadn't actually talked so much when I was there. Besides, it was only that one time."

Dean was not sure sure why she wanted to know more, but she kept pushing. "Did you like it? Did you like him?"

"It was fine." That was all Sam said. Dean had the feeling he was leaving something out.

"Why just that once?"

"Well, I met Jess and..." It sounded like Sam was dodging the question. Dean eyed Sam with scrutiny. He looked away before turning back to face her. "He wasn't you." Sam whispered as he dropped his gaze. "He was tall, with blondish hair and green eyes. For a moment, I wanted to feel like I was with you." Sam bit his lip. "But, it wasn't you..." His voice choked.

"Oh, Sam..." Dean grabbed her brother's face and brought her lips against his. They moaned as their kiss deepened. As she straddled Sam's lap, she felt his arousal growing. She was not fearful.

Sam pulled back panting. He leaned his forehead against hers. "Do you trust me?"

Dean nodded. "Yes." She breathed out. Sam kissed her again. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. He picked her up and laid her gently on the bed. He stood up for a moment and removed his pants and boxers.

"I want to make you feel good, Dean." Sam said as lust filled his eyes. He placed his fingers on her pants and adeptly unfastened the button. He slowly lowered the zipper and removed her jeans and her underwear. He gazed at her with such love in his eyes. As he lifted her shirt over her head, he placed featherlight kisses on her toned belly. Dean closed her eyes and shuddered slightly as she felt his breath tickling her skin. "So beautiful..." Sam whispered. "My Dean...all mine..." He declared as he crept downwards. Dean felt Sam lift her legs and shivered as he licked her clitoris gently.

"Sammy..." She groaned as he began to suck more forcefully. "Oh my god..." She panted as she became increasingly overwhelmed with the sensation.

Sam looked up for a moment and smiled as he saw her flushed cheeks as her head moved from side to side. She was a goddess. He continued to increase his assault on her sex.

"Sammy...don't stop...don't stop!" Her voice rose as she grabbed onto his brown locks. The feeling was incredible. "Oh...Oh...Aah! She screamed as her body arched and stiffened as her powerful orgasm ripped through her.

When it was over, she lay back panting, feeling dizzy. Sam crawled up and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. His aching member throbbed as he sought friction. He rubbed against her seeking his own release. "Dean. Baby..." He panted. Suddenly, he moaned loudly as he came hard against her stomach.

After he recovered, he fell beside her and gathered Dean in his arms. She snuggled against him and lay on his chest. He barely heard her whisper, "Thank you."

He kissed the top of her head. "For what?" Dean did not answer for a time. Suddenly he felt wetness against his chest.

"For making me believe that I can be whole again one day." She paused. "I love you, Sammy."

"I love you too." He answered. They held each other until they fell asleep.

TBC... ONE CHAPTER TO GO!


	18. Chapter 18

Spoilers: Themes from 'Devil's Trap'

Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is the property of the CW, the WB, and UPN (may they rest in peace...); some dialogue taken from 'Devil's Trap' and 'The Wish' (BTVS)

WARNING: Anya (Anyanka) the Demon returns in this chapter. However people may feel about her character, (I liked her), I need a bad guy for the fic. She went through 'good' and 'bad' phases...she's in a 'bad' phase in this fic...and I took some liberties with her character...don't hate me...you do not have to know her character to understand the fic...

AUTHOR NOTE: In my last post, I thought there would only be one more chapter...to quote the great Dean Winchester, "I Lied!" (LOL)...anyway I needed two more chapters to finish the story...

Chapter 18

The next few days were tense in the Winchester household. John was dealing with his sons' revelations in his way. He immersed himself in his work at the mechanic shop and on finding a reversal for Dean.

John walked into the kitchen after a long day at work. He paused as the smell of food wafted into his nose. His stomach growled in response. He saw Sam standing by the stove.

"Sam." John curtly greeted his son.

"Dad." Sam answered as he kept his back towards his father.

"Smells good." John forced out to counter the discomfort of their situation. "Where's Dean?"

"Taking a nap." Sam replied as he turned the knob to the off position and gathered three plates.

John thought for a moment. "Dean's been sleeping an awful lot the last few days."

Sam took a deep breath. "I know."

"Nightmares?"

"If she's having them, she hasn't told me." Sam quietly spoke.

* * *

Dean tossed and turned in her bed. Strange images bombarded her as she slept. Suddenly she shot straight up in bed gasping. The dreams did not involve her attack, so she did not wake up in a frightened state of mind, but slightly confused. She took a deep breath and slowly rose from the bed. She walked to the desk and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. She closed her eyes briefly for a moment and began to draw the image that kept haunting her dreams. After some time, she stared at the results. Her hand trembled as she realized that she recreated the object perfectly onto paper. Why did she continue to see this? What did it mean?

* * *

Sam and John thought they heard Dean stir upstairs as they sat eating dinner together silently. They waited for some time, but she did not come downstairs. They both thought it was odd. As they cleared their plates, Sam and John decided to check on Dean. As they stood outside her room, they watched as she stared at a piece of paper in her hand.

"Dean?" Sam asked softly.

Dean jumped slightly as she heard her brother's voice. She stood up and faced them. She had a dazed look in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked as he stepped closer to her. He slowly reached out and took the paper from her hand when she did not answer. He looked at it and glanced back at her.

John leaned over slightly to see the paper as well. His eyes narrowed when it seemed eerily familiar to him. He thought for a moment before speaking. "Dean, where did you get this?" He paused when she did not answer. He pushed more, but with a gentle tone. "Dean?"

"I...I keep seeing it...in my dreams." She answered softly as she looked at Sam.

"How long?" John asked.

"A few days." She replied.

"Is this what's been bothering you?" Sam asked. She nodded her head. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't understand what it meant...I still don't." She said as she began to pace around the room. "I thought..." She paused as she looked at her brother. "I thought I was crazy. Having the same dream over and over again." She tried to smile. "Thought I was getting the shining or something like that." She gazed at her brother. Sam knew by the tone of her voice that she was freaked out by this, even though she tried to play it off.

"Let me see it, Sam." John added as he reached his hand out. He stared at it intently for a time.

"Dad?" Sam said when he saw a fire in John's eye.

"I'll be right back." John said as he rushed out of the room leaving Sam and Dean alone. The two were confused at their Dad's reaction.

Sam stepped towards Dean and embraced her. "You can always tell me everything, Dean. You know that." She nodded as her head lay against his warm chest.

* * *

Sam and Dean found their father flipping frantically through an ancient text when they returned downstairs. After standing watching him of a few minutes, Sam was growing impatient. "Dad." He said strongly.

"Just wait a second, Sam." He practically growled as he continued to search the book. He smiled when he reached his destination. He bit his bottom lip as he nodded his head. He looked at Dean as he held up the paper. "Are you sure this is what you see?"

"Yes." Dean answered.

John sighed contentedly. "I knew I had seen it before. It's a pendant you drew, Dean." He turned the book, so Sam and Dean could see. "See? It belongs to a sect of demons know as Vengeance Demons. Each one has a particular distinguishing characteristic. The one in your dream belongs to Anyanka. She is an eleven hundred year old demon. "

The two brothers looked at each other. "Vengeance Demon?" Dean asked.

"Yes." John replied as he continued to scan the text.

"Where do we go from here?" Sam asked in a rushed tone.

"I'm working on it." John said in an annoyed tone.

Dean walked away for a moment. "So, that's the thing that changed me?"

"I believe so. She is..." He paused as he read. "She is like the patron of women scorned."

"Scorned women?" Sam said. "I think we'd remember if we dealt with any scorned women or Vengeance Demons. Nothing out of the ordinary happened the night Dean changed."

Dean's eyes widened. "Melanie..." She whispered as she thought of the waitress back at the bar in LA. "But Sam went back. He said 'Christo' to her and scanned the place with the EMF. She wasn't a demon."

John looked up. "These demons can assume human form. Maybe it was someone she talked to. According to this, when Anyanka talks to a scorned woman, she grants a wish."

"So Melanie wished that Dean was a girl?" Sam asked as he glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. Her face was a blank slate.

"Maybe." John postulated.

"But, Melanie is gone." Sam added. "She doesn't work there anymore. We won't be able to ask her."

"We don't need her. We can summon Anyanka on our own." John continued.

"Summon a demon." Sam asked incredulously. "Here?"

John fought the urge to roll his eyes at Sam's questioning. "This house...Phil's house...is perfectly capable of handling a demon."

"Where?" Sam asked as he looked around.

John reached to the table and picked up another ancient text and opened it to a bookmarked page. "This book is called the Key of Solomon. And this," John pointed to the page, "is a protective circle that can trap a demon in it. It's like a demon roach motel. It is trapped. Powerless." John smiled. "Phil has one on the ceiling of the basement. The ol' bastard was always prepared."

Dean took a deep breath as she turned to her brother and father. "So." She said strongly. "When will we do this?"

"I need to gather a few things." John replied. "But, we should be able to do this tonight." He said with conviction.

* * *

Dean stood down by the water, staring out at the quiet lake. She heard Sam's footsteps and smiled as he placed his arms around her.

"Penny for your thoughts." Sam said as he whispered into her ear.

"Just thinking." She replied as she tried to suppress the nervous twitch in her stomach.

"And?" Sam asked in an unsure tone.

"Big night." Dean said curtly.

"Yeah." Sam said as he stepped back and gently turned her towards him. "Promise me something, Dean?"

"What?"

"Promise me things won't change between us." Sam bit his lip when he saw her look down."

"Sammy..." She couldn't answer him. Dean wanted to believe that once she turned back, nothing would change. But, those words could not come out if her mouth.

"Please, Dean...I need you." Sam's voice quivered. "I can't lose you."

"You'll always have me, Sammy." Dean said as she leaned up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their kiss was passionate and made them ache in its intensity. As they pulled back, they each had tears in their eyes.

* * *

As nighttime approached, the Winchesters gathered in the basement. They reviewed the ritual as they stood in the protective circle. Sam glanced up at the mosaic on the ceiling.

"Are we sure this is going to hold her?" He asked.

"It should." John replied. "But it doesn't hurt to be prepared." He glanced at the weapon arsenal Dean gathered outside the circle.

"Now what?" Dean asked her father as she lay two bottles of holy water next to the guns.

"We'll get started. Remember," John looked at his children, "the source of her power is the pendant around her neck. Destroy that and..."

"I'll be a real boy again?" Dean interjected, a slight smirk on her face. She tightened the belt around her waist. She had changed to her old t-shirt and jeans from before her gender change in preparation for turning back. She had a nervous flutter in her stomach as she watched her father.

"Yes." John answered. "Alright, let's go." He glanced at the text laying on the table in front of him. He grasped some herbs and roots and placed it in a small cauldron with a fire in it. "Anyanka, I beseech thee...in the name of all women scorned...come before me..." Suddenly there was a crash and bright light that appeared. When the Winchesters looked up, there stood the demon, Anyanka, in the circle. She was a petite figure with brunette hair, and wrinkly pale skin.

Her voice was deep and menacing as she spoke. "Do you know what I do to a man that chooses to summon me?" She tried to step beyond the circle, but her action was impeded. She attempted the movement again and yelled in frustration. "What have you done to me!" Her yellow eyes shot daggers at the Winchesters.

John pointed to the ceiling and Anyanka looked up. As the realization of her situation hit her, her eyes widened. "How dare you!" She hissed at them. Sam and John stepped into the circle and after a few minutes, they tied the demon to a chair. After a few moments, she spoke again. "What do you want?"

Dean stepped forward. "I want to know why."

"Why what?" She practically spit.

"Why this was done to me." Dean answered.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She smirked.

Dean stepped closer to the circle. "Stop lying, bitch." Her eyes narrowed.

"Takes one to know one...right, Dean?" Anyanka laughed evilly. She looked up a moment and allowed her demon visage to change to her human face. Sam looked at her and walked towards her.

"You were at the bar." He said quietly. "We bumped into you."

"Pure coincidence, of course." She said sarcastically as she chuckled.

"You think turning me into a woman is funny!" She yelled in frustration. Her face reddened as she tried to regain her composure. She closed her eyes briefly before speaking again. "I asked you a question before."

"And what was that again?" She mocked in a gleeful tone.

"I. Want. To. Know. Why." Dean said slowly and seriously.

"Because, she wished it and I dished it. Those are the rules." Anyanka answered in a very business like manner.

"Who? Melanie?" Dean asked as her eyes narrowed.

"Well, duh! You screwed up, buddy boy, and she was so easy to manipulate." The smirk returned. "You men are so pathetic and uncaring. I never lack for business. I don't even have to work too hard to get a wish out of women. The human heart is so fragile and weak. And human nature is so vengeful and petty. A perfect combination. I've been exacting revenge on you stupid human men for a thousand years. The only thing that changes is hairstyles. All men deserve what's coming to them."

"I was there to apologize to her! Does that even matter?" Dean asked.

"Why should I care? You would have broken her heart either way. So, she wished you were a woman. She wanted you to feel what it was like." She paused. "So, Dean, how is it taking a walk on the estrogen side of town? Was it fun? Painful? I hope you have had the joy of multiple orgasms." Anyanka chuckled as she saw Dean's eyes tear and saw her shaking slightly. "Any heartbreak? Or did you break any hearts?" Her verbal assault stopped when she suddenly felt Dean slap her across the face.

Dean tried to take a few calming breaths. "What did she wish?" She asked sincerely. She really needed to know.

"Does it really matter?" She asked. When she only received a glare in response, she shrugged her shoulders. The demon's voice changed and suddenly she was channeling the waitress, '"You know? I wish he knew how hard it was for us. No matter how far women have come, we still feel like they have to ask us out. That they hold the strings. They have no idea how it feels when men talk to our chests instead of our faces. It's just hard sometimes."' Anyanka shuddered for a moment and her normal voice returned.

"Happy?" She rolled her eyes.

Dean looked at her dad and then at Sam before she continued. "S-so m-my...rape? The hospital?"

Anyanka's eyes darkened as she said in a nonchalant tone. "Just a bonus. I could not have planned that better myself."

Dean's mouth widened as she took a step back, suddenly feeling slightly dizzy. Sam rushed to her side. Dean pushed him away as she glared at the demon. "I won't give you a chance to hurt anyone ever again." She said as she rushed into the circle. She tore the pendant off of Anyanka.

"NO!" The demon screamed as she could not stop Dean's action. "STOP!" She begged as Dean stepped out of the circle and placed the pendant on the table. Her chest heaved. "Give it back!" Her demon face came to the fore as her anger and desperation increased. "I'll kill you!" She struggled against her bindings to no avail. After some time, she stopped, feeling exhausted.

Dean looked down at the jewel and then at Anyanka again. Her tone was quiet. "When I turn back...will I be able to forget? All of it?"

Sam knew Dean was referring to her attack, but he could not help the feeling of his heart breaking when he heard her question. He forced himself to look away.

"Why would I tell you?" She spat out. "That wouldn't be sporty." Her eyes narrowed in a challenge.

Dean took a deep breath and grabbed a hammer from their supplies. With one last look at the demon, she raised her weapon and smashed the amulet. Anyanka screamed as she was engulfed in a light that spread through the entire room. After that, everything went black...

TBC...


	19. Chapter 19

John and Sam paced anxiously as they watched Dean prone on the couch. It had been a few hours since Dean changed back and he still had not regained consciousness. Sam was increasingly worried and suggested taking Dean to the hospital a few times; an idea that was rebuffed by John each time.

Just when Sam thought he could not take anymore, Dean moaned as his eyes fluttered.

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed as he sprinted over to the couch and knelt by it.

Dean's eyes opened and he moaned as he tried to sit up. "Wha- the..." His voiced slurred as he tried to get his bearings. Sam reached over and tried to aid Dean. Dean batted his brother's hand away. "I'm fine." As he sat upright, he closed his eyes briefly as a wave of dizziness overtook him.

"How do you feel, son?" John asked.

For a moment, Dean's eyes widened when he saw his father standing there. 'When did he get here?' Dean thought to himself. Everything in his head seemed muddled. "I feel like I've been hit by a mac truck." He answered slowly as his eyes roamed around the room.

Sam watched Dean's behavior curiously as he looked upon him with concerned eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Dean forced out; he felt a bit uncomfortable with the intensity of Sam's look. "I'm just tired I guess." Dean had an odd feeling in his stomach that he could not place.

He tried to stand, but felt a bit woozy as he swayed on his feet. Sam caught him in time before he fell back on the couch. "I've got it!" He snapped at Sam as the younger Winchester held onto his waist.

"Yeah, right." Sam replied. "You'd be kissing the floor if I didn't catch your ass."

"Fine, whatever." Dean shrugged.

"I'll help you upstairs so you can lay down." Dean reluctantly agreed as Sam led him to the stairs.

When they reached the second floor, he helped Dean into bed. It seemed Dean was nearly asleep on his feet. He lay him down and covered him with a blanket.

Dean opened his eyes briefly. "Thanks, Sammy."

"No problem, man." Sam answered.

"I'll see you in the morning." Dean added in a sleepy tone.

Sam stood there as his heart beat wildly. "Yeah." He forced his voice to speak. "I'll see you in the morning, big brother." Sam watched as Dean curled away from him and fell asleep. Sam made himself walk away. He closed the door to Dean's room and stood in the hallway for a few minutes. Tears came to his eyes as he leaned his back against Dean's door. He tried to keep the tears from falling, but he could not help it. He took a deep breath and crossed the hall to the other bedroom. He opened the door and lay down on the bed alone.

* * *

A few days later, John walked into the kitchen at 3:00am to grab a drink of water. When he turned the light on, he was startled to find that Sam had been sitting at the table.

Sam's eyes squinted at the sudden brightness in the room.

"Jesus, Sam." John said. His demeanor softened as he noticed the saddened look on his youngest son's face. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah." Sam answered quietly.

John hesitated a bit before continuing. They had not had a civil conversation in awhile, but his son was clearly in need. He took a deep breath and sat down at the table. "Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was filled with concern.

Sam looked up at his father. His face void of emotion. "I don't think you want to hear what I have to say." He said so quietly, John had to strain to hear him.

John answered, "Sammy." John sighed. "I know we've had our problems, but I'm your father. You can tell me anything." He expected to hear a harsh retort to what he said. He watched as Sam turned his eyes downward to his hands.

"He doesn't remember." Sam said softly as his voice shook. When he looked up, a tear escaped from his eye. "I know I'm selfish. Why would I want Dean to remember the horrible things that happened to him...but..." He shook his head as he bit his lip. "I'm sure you're happy." He said plainly without accusation tinging his words. "This is what you wanted."

"Sam," John began as he placed a comforting hand on his son, "I know you have feelings for your brother...and I am not sure if I can ever accept that. But if you think that I take pleasure in seeing you hurting over the last few days, you're wrong."

Sam watched his Dad closely. He could tell he was being sincere. "I should be grateful. You know?" Sam stood and paced around the kitchen. "Dean is getting back to normal. He's acting like he did before everything. It's just..." He trailed off as it became too painful to speak.

"Sam," John added after some moments of silence, "things turn out a certain way for a reason." He walked over to his son and placed an arm on his shoulder in support. He felt Sam shuddering under his hand. "Sammy..." John said quietly as he gathered his grieving son in his arms.

"He promised...h-he said nothing would change..." Sam whispered. As if the weight of the last few months finally took its toll, Sam cried softly in his father's embrace.

* * *

It was late morning as John sat outside on the front porch. The door opened from the house.

"Dad." Dean said as he walked outside.

"Hey, Dean." John answered.

"Where's Sammy?" Dean asked as he looked around outside.

"He went for a run. He said he needed to clear his head."

"He's been awfully quiet. And kind of broody." Dean observed as he looked at his father.

John shook his head slightly in agreement. He cleared his throat before speaking. His tone was quiet. "Could say the same about you, Dean."

Dean huffed as he arched his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Dean. Enough." John said softly. "What you're doing has to stop."

Dean's eyes became serious. "What I'm doing?"

"I can't imagine how hard this has been for you; but pretending like it didn't happen will not help either." He stopped talking as he saw Dean's cheek clench tightly as he looked down.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dean said slowly as tried to keep his voice steady.

John stood up and walked over to Dean who had faced away from his father. "Not once in two days have you asked why we were here or what happened to you. Now,

if you really woke up in a strange place, Dean, you would have asked why. You would have asked what we fought that hurt you and if you killed it before it took you down." He paused and waited for a reply. When he didn't, John continued. "And when you think he's not looking, I see the way you watch Sam."

"Stop." Dean whispered. He paused for a time before continuing. "It's easier this way."

"For who, Dean? Pretending like you weren't attacked isn't healthy for you. And not facing Sam isn't either."

Dean turned to his father. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not saying I approve, but you two are grown. You'll make decisions independent of me." John smiled sadly. "I won't always be around, Dean. And you two boys will be all you have." John's chin trembled as he tried to get a hold on his emotions. He patted Dean's shoulder in support. "Just think about what I've said, son." He smiled at Dean and walked inside the house.

* * *

After dinner that night, Sam and Dean sat in the family room watching a movie. Each wanted to speak to the other, but they were having a hard time. They both looked up as they saw John walk in with his duffel bag.

"Boys." John said softly.

"Yes, sir." They both answered as they stood up.

"You're leaving." Sam stated plainly.

"Yes." He answered as he gazed at his sons. "It's time. I have to get back to the hunt." John sighed. "I'll keep in touch." He said as he noted the concerned look in both their eyes. "But, I may disappear for a while. I need to track the The Demon."

"We can help." Dean said emphatically.

"I know, Dean. And one day, I think we'll all face this thing together. But, for now, this is how it needs to be. Please understand." He paused as he watched his boys glance at each other; their unspoken bond communicating. They looked back at their father and nodded. John smiled and embraced each of his sons. "You take care of yourselves. You hear me? You stay as long as you like. Dean can build up his strength and you both rest before getting back on the road."

"Okay, dad." Dean answered as he teared slightly. They watched as John exited the house. After a few minutes, his engine roared to life and he drove off.

An awkward silence enveloped the room as Dean and Sam stood. After some time, Sam cleared his throat and tried not to look directly at his brother. He mumbled, "I'm going upstairs to read." Dean said nothing as he watched him walk away.

* * *

After reading the same page ten times, Sam grew frustrated as he lay on his bed. He threw the book across the room as he tried to take a few calming breaths. His head shot up suddenly when he heard a light tap on the door and Dean walked through.

"Hope that wasn't a library book, Sammy." Dean said in an attempt to lighten the tense air between them.

Sam glanced at the discarded text and forced a smile on his face. "Yeah." He said quietly.

"Look, Sam..." Dean voice shook slightly as he attempted to speak. His palms were sweaty as he felt himself perspire on his brow. He wasn't sure if he could continue, but one look at the despair in his brother's eyes, and he tried to go on. His voice was but a whisper. "I remember everything..."

Sam's eyes widened. "W-What?" He felt unsteady as he stood. "Then why?" Sam's eyes watered.

Dean turned away from Sam and stood in front of the window. "I...I don't know..." He replied quietly.

"Dean...please talk to me." Sammy pleaded. His breath caught when Dean turned back towards him. The older Winchester was breathing hard and slightly shaking from the emotion welled up inside him.

"I remembered..." Dean began slowly. "I remembered the next morning. I was so confused at first...but then it all rushed back. My attack..." Dean paused as he looked up at his brother. " I still felt like it happened to me." Dean's voice choked. "I still felt violated and scared..."

"You could come to me, Dean. You know that. I could help take care of you."

"Damn it, Sam!" Dean yelled. "That's not how it's should be!" He sighed heavily. "I'm supposed to be the one to..." He trailed off.

"What, Dean? You're the one who is supposed to take care of me? These last few months you needed me. For once in my life, I took care of you. Does that upset you so much?" Sam's voice rose. "Does it make you feel weak?" When Dean didn't answer, Sam knew he had stumbled upon the truth. He stepped closer to his brother. "It's not weak to need someone, Dean. I need you. I know that." He said quietly as Dean turned away, trying to hide the emotions on his face.

"And what about us, Dean?" Sam continued. "Did you want to pretend that we didn't share something special?"

"Sammy, don't." Dean said in a serious tone as he shook his head. "What we felt wasn't...real. We were just caught up in the moment."

Sam's mouth dropped open. "How can you say that?" He asked when he found his voice again. He gently grabbed Dean's shoulders and made him face him. "I didn't fall in love with you because you were a woman and you were hurt." Dean looked away. "I'm not going to leave, Dean. I love you. I think I probably always have. It's not wrong to feel this way." He paused as he watched Dean tear. "What are you afraid of?"

Dean shrugged out of his touch. "I'm not afraid!" He answered. "I just..."

"Tell me you don't love me." Sam said softly as his voice wavered as Dean turned again towards the window.

"I -I...don't love you." Dean replied as he hung his head.

Sam refused to believe him. "Look at me and say it." He heart pounded in his chest. He felt like everything was in slow motion as Dean faced him.

"I..." Dean felt himself stutter as tried to force the words out of his mouth.

"I need you, Dean. Just as much as you need me. I'm not going anywhere. I will fight for you as long as I have to." Sam said as a tear escaped his eye. "I love you...I love you..." A sob caught in his throat as he looked down. Suddenly he felt a warm hand caress his cheek and force him to look up.

"God, Sammy..." Dean breathed out as his green eyes stared into his brother's. "I love you so fucking much." He leaned up and placed his lips gently on Sam's. For a moment, Sam seemed shocked at the contact, but soon wrapped his arms around his brother's waist and relished the kiss. As their lips parted, they still embraced.

Sam leaned his forehead against Dean's. "This is our new beginning."

* * *

_2 MONTHS LATER_

"Sammy!" Dean yelled from the bedroom. "Where's my favorite huntin' knife?" Dean asked as he leaned over to finish packing his weapons bag.

"It's down here!" Sam shouted from the first floor.

"Okay!" Dean turned his attention back to his clothes. After placing his favorite jeans on the dresser for the morning he zipped up his bag. After two months, Dean and Sam were finally returning to the hunt. Dean had spent the time building up his strength. And after some gentle prodding and encouragement, Dean learned to share his feelings about his attack with Sam. The older Winchester made light at times that they were having so many chick flick moments, but he whole heartedly cherished the support his brother gave him. He realized that he did not always have to keep his walls up around Sam. He was lost in his thoughts when he suddenly felt Sam snake his arms around him from behind.

Sam whispered in his ear, "Penny for your thoughts." He could tell Dean wanted to speak, so he gave him time.

"Despite why we came here," Dean began, "this kind of feels like home." He said softly.

"Do you want to stay longer?"

"No. I'm itchin' to get back on the hunt." He said with a smile as he turned around to face his brother. Sam leaned down and kissed him chastely. "But..." Dean hesitated as he bit his lip. "I want the first time, to be in a special place."

Sam arched his eyebrow. "Dean?"

"Make love to me, Sammy." Dean whispered.

"Are you sure? Do you think you're ready?"

"Yes." Dean breathed out as he grabbed Sam's hand and led them to their bed. As they stood in front of the bed, they began to kiss and as they continued, their passion intensified. They found themselves practically tearing their clothes off of the other. Sam gently placed Dean down on the bed. He groaned as their nude skin came in contact.

"Sammy..." Dean breathed out as he felt him licking his neck and then sucking at his hardened nipples. Sam continued to move down and suddenly Dean nearly arched when Sam engulfed him. "Oh God...so good...Sammy..."

Sam hummed as he sucked as he lightly fondled Dean. His own neglected member seemed to be getting harder and harder with every sound coming form his brother.

"Sam!" Dean screamed as his release slammed through him. He was breathless. "Sammy...wow..." Was all he could say.

Sam looked up and grinned at his brother as he got up for a moment. He rummaged through the bedside drawer and retrieved some lube and a condom. Before opening the foil, Sam asked, "Are you sure? I mean...you can if you want." Sam extended the packet to his brother, but Dean shook his head.

"No. I want to now what it feels like for you to be in me." Dean replied and they both smiled at the other. Sam placed the condom on and was generous with the lube. He talked his brother through the initial discomfort; he promised he would never hurt him. And when Sammy finally slid in, they could both describe the feeling: it felt like home.

FIN

AUTHOR NOTE:

Thanks to all who reviewed my first Supernatural story. I have enjoyed writing it.

I'm thinking about possibly continuing the 'AN UNEXPECTED TWIST VERSE'' where Dean never turns back and we see what life is like for Sammy and girl!Dean...it would be a lot lighter than the angst fest I just wrote...I'm just mulling it around in my head...

MarieP


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